Venting about SD-the virus

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SD 21 has no contact with me DH and her 2 half sisters. I had written earlier about the severe
PASing and borderline personality disorder with her BM. I am glad to not be dealing with her because it was a very very hard 18 years for me and DH.

My vent is on SD. She is her mother but worse. I call her a virus because she just spreads and
infiltrates everything of mine and DHs just like BM used to do but worse. She has turned DHs
family against him. Not a huge loss for me but DH is destroyed over it and has tried to fix it but
cant and she turned his family against out 2 kids. SD is a master manipulator.Someone on here said if
BM is a diagnosed BPD(which she is ) then SD may be too. When BM used to say crap about us Dhs family didnt really believe it because they knew she was cuckoo for cocoa puffs. But now that SD says crap they believe it-even though they were there and saw with their own eyes that we tried to do the right thing with SD. DHs family is very loud and opinionated and bossy. Me and DH are black sheeps- just less aggressive, quieter, non confrontational. The cousins and sil and grandparents that wont speak to us were there all the years that BM would physically attack me and DH or kick our car when mad or whatever but now they all play nice with her and BM.

I was on Facebook and she commented on one of my nephews pictures from my side of the family, Nephew is 19. It was just a comment about liking his shirt. Seems innocent right? This is how it begins. She has insulted me and called me her fathers wife when I have been in her life since shes 3 but calls BMs bf Dad that shes only been with a couple of years. She used to call my family aunt, uncle whatever until they didnt all
turn away from me and DH and she hates them too and has said a lot of shit about them too to anybody who will listen. They did nothing to her-bought her gifts, included her in everything but no ass kissing. Wasnt enough so they suck I guess. Now she is starting to try to get to the one family member of mine that she never unfriended . I know its petty but SD has done this with DH and my friends also. Nephew just said Thanks but I know this is the beginning-where did you get it? and then other questions to seem interested and then move on to me and DH-Have you seen them? They dont talk to me, they abandoned me, my sisters are horrible etc and then all of a sudden we get the cold shoulder.

We live a couple of hours away. She met a few different friends of ours ONCE friended them and starts a campaign of Hey I love your hair, your kid is so cute, etc and most people fall for it. Then she starts with little mentions of me and DH- we abandoned her, she wishes we didnt move because she missed her sisters, she has no money for this or that because all money goes to her sisters.I wouldnt care but none of it is true and she is extremely charming but a very nasty person inside. I didnt think it would be possible to dislike someone more than BM.

We didnt abandon her. We moved because we lived in one of the most expensive places in the country and were losing everything. We went back every 6 to 8 weeks to see her and she was 16 when we moved. Treated her very good and fair. DH dealt with very high conflict BM for 18 years to see her,My heart would beat in my chest when we had to get SD becaause of all the fighting. CS never late paid since shes 3.Bought extras took her on vacation, full Xmases-honestly equal treatment because DH felt SD hung the moon and stars from the minute she was born.

She likes to tag herself with the few cousins on DH side as much as possible so my DD can see it and we are still friends with SD other sibling (not DHs)-long story. She tried to turn him against us and he said they never did anything to me so no. And she was livid and has been trying to win him over ever since.

The final reason she stopped talking to us- SD doesnt drive or work so no money. Begs for everything. SD decided she wanted to visit by train because she never wanted to come out anymore because she was in a relationship and couldnt be bothered,and we stopped visiting because everyone was nasty the last time we were there-because of her. Sd made no time for us the last few times we visited. She doesnt work and there was no school. Just slept in and hung around with BM and her family and saw us maybe 5 hours over a 2 day trip.She wanted us to pay for her ticket even though shes 20. We said ok. We asked her to pick a train one hour earlier than she wanted because my DD had a game and the train station was an hour and a half in the opposite direction and I wasnt comfortable driving on my own to that particular school. One hour earlier would have had time to pick up SD and DD together. SD flipped out and called me names and said thats why everybody hates you because you put me last and why cant you drive whats the big deal? SD said she didnt want to get up earlier anyway! I said you dont drive at all! On and on. Well that was it for me and DH and she told everybody that we wouldnt compromise!

She started a campaign on my DDs after that on Facebook and text talking about me and DH and complimenting DDs and saying she loves them missed them so much but me and DH are unfair and mean and dont love her etc. Finally my older DD called her out and SD said very nasty things to DD including saying my DD is manipulative about her disease(DD has a very serious chronic disease that is in remission) but DD doesnt even talk about it to anyone! Shes very private. While my DD was giving herself shots and was bleeding one time DD asked SD for a tissue and SD got nasty and said she was busy. So DH got it and yelled at SD and she went home crying that we were mistreating her! SD also has a bunch of "sicknesses" that tend to just disappear after some time. Tons of food allergies, other nonspecific stuff then theyre gone and shes fine .Anyway she ran and told everyone that my DD was fighting with her and turned to my younger DD who was 11! She said shes sorry she cant see DD but older SD and your mom and DH are mean and wont let me. YDD said stop trying to kiss up Im not taking your side. SD got so mad that BM texted me and DH and said SD is heartbroken that you turned her own sisters against her and DH said on what planet do you expect my children to turn against me and their mom for SD? They had no answer but I guess they won because we are pretty alone now for the past year and a half. Our names are mud in DHs family.

Now shes trying to get into my tiny barely seeing each other family. It wont work with my mom or sisters but Im afraid the last cousins my kids have will buy into SDs lies and manipulations. I would love advice though Im not really sure there is an answer to all this. Its so complicated and I dont even know what I would want to happen. I feel so bad for my kids and DH more than anything.I sometimes feel like messaging SD and asking her why she is doing this to DDs and dh but probably not a good idea. At this point I hate her so much I cant imagine ever dealing with her again but I would be cordial for DH once in a while if I had to.

Thanks if you read this far and Im sorry it was so long.

Ignore her. She's an

Ignore her. She's an immature entitled bitch. She sounds precisely my my SD who uses FB to post nonsense. It's a mind over matter type thing. Those that matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter.

We have warned every person

We have warned every person that she has done this with. I have no idea how she does it honestly.
Even people who knew she had done this to other people we knew. I am goimg to warn him and my
sister-she knows how things are.

I am just so pissed that she is that pathetic to do it. She doesnt like me or my DDs or her father. Shes brainwashed and sick. I totally get it but dont understand. I guess my nephew is the last one
she hasnt tried with. Im not sure what she gets out of it because were not even friends on Facebook and have not spoken to her in over a year.

Also she is a huge attention whore and has over 1200 friends on Facebook. For her to comment on my nephew or friends of mine or DH means she either has them on a list to get updates or looks them up
manually. The newsfeed on 1200 people would go so fast she would never find these posts without
looking.

I feel like we are being bullied and victimized all over again. By the BM for the past 18 years and now SD the last few.

Its amazing how long we have been dealing with all of this from one nights mistake on my DHs part. Their marriage had been physically over for years and she was sleeping with other people all through their marriage which DH and his family knew even at the time it was happening and one night "supposedly" she came to him and wanted to do it and changed DHS life and mine forever.

It all just sucks seeing them on top of the world and happy. Most days I dont let it get to me at all. Todays not one of them.

Oh she is not happy! People

Oh she is not happy! People who act like this are not on top of the world. Don't think for one minute she is happy!

I don't understand why they

I don't understand why they do this.

Even if they have their shit together in all other ways have everything going for them the world on a string and all of it.

Somehow their sick need for Machievellian control over everyone overrides everything else and I guess without it they feel like a nobody?

It makes no sense to me. There are so many things to deal with in life.

What sane person would continually add more to their plate like this?

I can't even imagine how much time and energy they waste in their efforts.

I don't know what it takes to throw their asses off of their crazy train.

Exactly BM has gone through

Exactly BM has gone through another marriage and 2 engagements since DH and her split. SD supposedly loves the guy BM is with and they are very civic minded do good for the community people and are always posting all the charities and advocacy they are doing so people think they are WONDERFUL. They all seem so perfect to the outside and such good people and they will scream from the rooftops that my DH is a deadbeat. So of course people believe them. DH paid and is still paying and had her every chance he could up until all the fighting started with SD-on and off for 3 years- conveniently when new daddy came in the picture.

If they are happy fine.Then why cant they leave us alone and stop these games?

BM is diagnised borderline personality disordered and narcassistic and Im sure SD is also. BM always loved drama and hated things to be calm. I guess SD took after her.

Some people are just

Some people are just broken.

They want to break everyone else who isn't I guess.

So sick and sad.

This is the reason I will not

This is the reason I will not speak to my SD17 she will tell anyone who will listen he is a deadbeat. The few that believe it want to and there is nothing that can change their minds. Then there are the ones who believe it, but they won't for long. Then you have the few that don't think it is true because they know your DH.

Just wait until the little virus burns her bridge with one of them, she will run their name in the dirt and you will have the satifaction of knowing you tried to tell them. It serves them right for falling for it in the first place.

She can't keep this act up for the rest of her life.

No this all happened in the

No this all happened in the early 90s and before me. When I asked DH why he never got a test he said they were $4000 and he was afraid of the answer. His family told him "its just a baby" and he had no support at all. If I had known him I would have made him find the money and his spine. He honestly doesnt think she is his, She looks too much like her other sibling which was who BM was cheating on DH with. They look very much alike. Is it because they look like BM? Who knows?

This kind of thing will show

This kind of thing will show you who your true allies are though.

The people in your lives that are that easily swayed by her BS are probably not worth having around in the first place.

Yeah I agree. Sadly we used

Yeah I agree. Sadly we used to know alot of people and we only have a handful left.

The handful of people you

The handful of people you have left is all that were truly ever really there. It's not the quantity of friends it’s the quality.

Yes that has been our stance

Yes that has been our stance for the past couple of years. WHen we went back to visit we got the cold shoulder and snide comments from everyone. They snubbed my kids that were 14 and 11. SD was laughing and having fun the little time we saw her. We stopped visiting and now DH family is mad we dont come because my inlaws are getting older. My DH wants to see his parents but wont visit without me. I dont want to go and be abused so we dont go. My MIL is half of our problem and talks out of both sides of her face.If they die at some point and my DH hasnt seen them there will be guilt. The whole thing is so hard and complicated.

My DHs family are so confrontational and so in your face they would never deal with the crap weve been dealing with with SD and BM. When we would say that they would roll their eyes and say You shouldnt have gotten divorced to DH. Or thet WE were the ones that had to mature with BM and SD.