Terminating a BioParents Rights.
I have blog but I wanted to get more feed back on this. I have seen the topic come up on here before and wanted to know what everyone thought about it. I am new and embarking on the path of becoming a SM to soon to be SS8. My SO and I are happy things are pretty good. His son likes me has his moments like and kid would whose whole life is changing. Anyway I want opinions on a certain subject.
SS8 has no memories of his BM he seen a picture but not entirely sure he even remembers what she looks like. Anyway my SO has full custody she has supervised visitation which she has not made contact in 4 going on 5 years. My SO has lived int he same place never changed his number she has been able to contact at any point. He never denied her when she did ask years ago. I am a planner and I think a lot about things. I basically said what if something happens to you what will happen to your son. He said well my sister would take him I have her receiving the life insurance policy so she can have money for him and a video I made saying what I wanted.
Yes at this point I just looked at my SO like are you serious that is it. I flat out told him, you do know his BM, if she wanted to probably could take him if something happened to you she never terminated her rights she technically could gain custody of your son. He said well his parents would never let that happen. I simply suggested you might want to look into this more and possibly make sure you have it set up that if something happened to you, your sister would get your son.
So here lies my question, do you think my SO should go through the process of terminating her rights, just in case something happens to him so that his son would be able to stay with someone he knows and is familiar with? Or should it just be left alone and not bother with opening that can of worms and risk her coming back into the picture? I do think he needs to get a will. I also ask all this because we are buying a house and if something happens to him his half would automatically go to his son as we are not married I do believe, (Maybe I am wrong). I want to ensure the safety and well being of everyone in this relationship.
I could really use advice on this not picking apart my relationship or what is bad or how dumb everyone thinks I might be. I want some honest advice on does my SO just let things lie and make a will or take a risk of terminating the rights, she will be contacted, and possibly going somewhere we do not want to go.
P.S. since my SO and her still have some mutual friends he has seen her randomly tagged in photos, she is with some guy and has at least one more kid possibly 2 or more, possibly one a farm. I am not sure. He is not either.
I am not pushing anyone to do
I am not pushing anyone to do anything. His parents up and moving to FL is what pushed him to move out of his parents home not me. I am sorry if I think it is smart for anyone who has a child to have a will to make it very clear what should happen if anything happened to him. If you did read, I said make his sister the guardian.
I think it's smart for
I think it's smart for everyone to have a Will. ESPECIALLY people with minor children. Also, it's smart to think about what will have happen with mutually owned property. That is something that can also be spelled out in a Will.
I would leave the terminating BM's rights thing alone. Open that can of worms and who knows how she will respond. Your SO can't "just decide" to terminate her rights. She will have a say in the matter.
Thank You. I am a planner and
Thank You. I am a planner and I like the comfort of knowing what will happen it something happens to me or him. I just want was is best for everyone in this situation. I do know that my SO can not just decide to terminate her rights I fully get that it is a process.
I am just asking this, how is it a woman can pretty much leave her first born child have nothing to do with that kid going on 5 years have any say. How can someone have any say in that situation where the child has no idea who she is, no memory of her, does not even really know what she looks like other than a photo that is not even up anymore. Just blows my mind the stories I hear and how the court system works sometimes.
I hate to say this, but maybe
I hate to say this, but maybe her not being in his life is for the best. At least she isn't damaging him. I wish my skids BM would ride off into the night with her new boy toy. At least then, they would have a chance at a somewhat normal childhood.
There is a chance any of
There is a chance any of those could happen. I can hope for number 2 we will see.
Who knows maybe she does think it is best she stays out of the picture. I know this is rare but I wonder sometimes if she maybe never really felt a super maternal bond with. It does happen with some people, she was 17 when she got pregnant and 18 when she had him. Before she had the SS8 she left my SO for his best friend when she was 6 months pregnant. 6 or 8 weeks after SS8 was born she gave him to my SO and kinda got into drugs at that point.
According to my SO she did clean up her act a little and had a little girl that she brought with her the last time she saw SS8. (He had no memory of it).
That kinda sucks. I do not
That kinda sucks. I do not know your friend but does she realize the damage she did? My cousin's dad gave up rights and when he was older they ran into one another and my cousin just told him not to talk to him. His mentality was you were not there my whole life and now I am and adult you want to talk to me. NO.
As long as we all understand
As long as we all understand that children cannot be willed, sure
(The parent/s can make a standby guardianship, but the court is not bound to adopt the guardianship - much would depend on who else was available and whether or not they'd be an appropriate placement)
Storytime:
Mom was very sick and she added a clause in her will basically saying that she wanted her parents to takeover raising her children when she died. She sadly died much sooner than was expected and Dad pretty much swooped on in from out of nowhere, went to court and got the kids. There was a period of graduated reintroduction so the kids wouldn't go to a complete stranger but from start to finish it took less than 6 months. The state was Delaware.
(for what it's worth, they're doing great - and the grandparents do have regular visitation with the children)
Thank you. I know she can
Thank you. I know she can show back up and that is something my SO will have to address from the way he talks I do not think he will allow her to see SS* until he is older and can make the decision on his own. His son use to ask about having a mom at one point. My SO would tell him kinda what happened but child version show him her picture and that was that. SS8 has not asked in over a year now. I have no idea why.
From the way my SO talked the
From the way my SO talked the boy was never really upset more like curious. From what I can tell his is pretty good does not really have any hang ups about it. I think that is because he literally has no memory of her at all. I feel for my SO trying to have to explain to a little kid why he does not have a mom.
He is great little kid, really funny make me laugh and so smart. It breaks my heart and feel sad for his BM that she is missing out on seeing this little boy grow up. That is her choice.
My skids BM is alive and well
My skids BM is alive and well but I still feel the same about doing "mom" stuff. I feel like she is freely giving me all the memories of the skids childhood that should be hers. Like teaching the kids to ride bikes, read books, taking SD bra shopping for the first time, shopping for her first school dance dress, cheering for the kids during their first tournaments and so so many others. I'm the one that sends cupcakes to school for birthdays. I'm the one that takes them shoe shopping. I'm the one that answered SD's questions about her first period and what to expect. SS and even told people that "ninji does all the mom stuff and mother is just there". I tell myself one day she will look back on children's life and regret it, but maybe I'm just deluding myself.
Where I live, parental rights
Where I live, parental rights can be terminated WITHOUT the parent's say as long as they've "abandoned" the child. The legal definition of "abandoned" is quite easy to meet for a lot of deadbeats - something like no communication or attempt to build a relationship in over 12 months.
I can understand the desire to terminate parental rights. My SO and I have talked about it before considering BM is quite the deadbeat and we wouldn't want SD to go to her if anything happened to my husband. SD would end up a seriously malnourished welfare bum loser if she was raised by BM.
But in the end we left it alone because unfortunately BM has rights. I had to tell my husband that he chose to have a child with her and that means if he passes, his child goes to her as it's her right. He trusted her enough to procreate he has to trust her enough to take custody if something happens.
He still brings it up now and then... but that's his choice, as it should be. If he ends up going forward with it, i'll support him, but it's gotta be between him and BM, not me, him and BM, ya know?
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much.
Where I live, parental rights
Where I live, parental rights can be terminated WITHOUT the parent's say as long as they've "abandoned" the child. The legal definition of "abandoned" is quite easy to meet for a lot of deadbeats - something like no communication or attempt to build a relationship in over 12 months.
I can understand the desire to terminate parental rights. My SO and I have talked about it before considering BM is quite the deadbeat and we wouldn't want SD to go to her if anything happened to my husband. SD would end up a seriously malnourished welfare bum loser if she was raised by BM.
But in the end we left it alone because unfortunately BM has rights. I had to tell my husband that he chose to have a child with her and that means if he passes, his child goes to her as it's her right. He trusted her enough to procreate he has to trust her enough to take custody if something happens.
He still brings it up now and then... but that's his choice, as it should be. If he ends up going forward with it, i'll support him, but it's gotta be between him and BM, not me, him and BM, ya know?
WHy not investigate the laws
WHy not investigate the laws AShmere, with us it worked like this...
If I should've died before Deigma was the age of 12 then he had to go to his bio Dad immediately regardless of my wishes, Deigma would've gone to his Dad not even meeting this man in his whole life, After age of 12, my last wishes would've won. And I appointed my parents his guardians.
Thus simply find out about the laws in your state/country and then plan according to that