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Bad behaviour around birthday

young_stepmomma25's picture

Submitted by young_stepmomma25 on Wed, 10/07/2015 - 11:38am

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Okay so today my SD is turning 15 and she has been getting calls home from school about her behaviour. She's always in other people's business and gets in trouble for it at school. At home, she doesn't listen to me when I tell her to do chores, but has no problem when daddy tells her. She talks back at times too. We took away her phone because of the issues at school & violent texts she sent to her so called friend, now she wants it back on her birthday and wants to go out for her birthday as well. Her dad told her (for what reason I don't know) that if she doesn't get a call from school the rest of the week (really, like 3 days left) and if I (yes me) says it's okay then she can go. Why has he put it upon Me? If I say no, I'll look like the evil stepmom. If I say yes, she'll never learn from her actions. Shouldn't it be up to both of us not just I? Furthermore, her behaviour is obnoxious. Do you really think she deserve to go out with her friends on her birthday?

Ninji's picture

Submitted by Ninji on Wed, 10/07/2015 - 11:49am

AHHHH, my So does this too. If Ninji says we can or Ask Ninji...It sucks but I don't care if they think I'm evil SM. Being a good parent (and that's the role I have to fill when they are with us) means sometimes kids aren't going to like you. Tough shit.

If your not comfortable in that role, you should speak to your DH and tell him not to put you in that situation again. If he does it again, in front of SKid say "No, DH is your parent, the decision is up to him"

young_stepmomma25's picture

Submitted by young_stepmomma25 on Wed, 10/07/2015 - 11:53am

See that's the thing. Every time I try to put the decision back to him he goes "well you live in this household & you're helping me raise them so you do have a say in what to do with them too." Feel like My back is against the wall when he does that.

young_stepmomma25's picture

Submitted by young_stepmomma25 on Wed, 10/07/2015 - 12:17pm

Well I knew early on he had kids when I started to date him. I thought it was a given. I guess we never truly spoke on it.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Submitted by ChiefGrownup on Wed, 10/07/2015 - 12:38pm

Well, it's very nice of him and being a good partner to tell you that you have a say. I say give him a thumbs up for that.

Next, tell him you would prefer if the two of you decided together what was going to happen behind closed doors then he presented this decision to Miss Maniac on his own. Or you can even stand there with him but keep your mouth (mostly) shut.

This is basically how it works in my house. This way sd knows she cannot divide us. She cannot prove or disprove a decision or policy came from me.

Sometimes on small things he asks me in front of her and I feel as you do that suddenly I'm in the position of Wicked Stepmother if I don't agree with it so I often grit my teeth and say "whatever you like, dh." That way she does not see me influencing him or saying no to her. Then, if it's important enough, he and I talk about it behind closed doors later.

Missing a birthday and multiple distress calls from school are important. I would ask dh to take this discussion behind doors and present the decision to her himself.