Cursed with the Stepmother Crystal Ball. Grrr.
Many moons ago ChiefGrownup suggested we ought to invite SD15's boyfriend over for dinner. Get to know the chap. Be friendly. I was told that would be so "humiliating" and "intrusive" and generally straight from the wicked stepmother bag of tricks. I dropped it.
SD15 proceeds to have a terrible school year. Truancy. Notes from the teacher. Kicked down a level in one subject. Called into vice prinicipal's office for threatening another girl. Ends the school year with 3 Fs, 1 D, and 2 Cs. So she should not be in anybody's good graces, right?
Her boyfriend headed out to Other State for his summer visitation with dad, gets in dad's face, comes back way early as dad is apparently giving up on him. Is invited over to BM's for dinner. BM is thanked endlessly by SD15 for this wonderful thing, she's so happy, BM is so wonderful.
Within days dinner progresses to spending 8 hour days at BM's while BM is at work. SS13 and his minder are also there. 8 hour days. Doing nothing. No sports. No pool. No ping pong. Just videos and video games. And.......
So now it's our time.
SD15 emerged from her room mid-day today at our house saying "BF is coming over to spend the day." Dh said, "Are you 'asking'?" The conversation quickly devolves as Teen Queen gets all huffy that dh didn't just make her stated will into instant reality.
Lots more stupid details ensue in this plot but I'm going to skip them. DH and I had plenty of reasons for not wanting the kid to come over today. Not to mention that Queen Flunksalot ought to be humbly asking for a favor and offering up, say, extra chores or something to earn it, don't you think?
So bottom line guess who are now the big bad meanies for not inviting Troy Donahue over?
And guess who no matter what can never win?
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Comments
I don't care except that I do
I don't care except that I do care if a 15 year old girl makes a baby that will call my dh grampa. I care that my day suddenly had this brouhaha in it. I care that I control who comes into my house and when, not a fifteen year old girl.
In what world is it
In what world is it humiliating and intrusive to meet a boyfriend? What the hell? I dont plan on allowing my kids to date anyone i haven't met, and if they plan to spend a lot of time together, dinner over will be almost mandatory. Isnt it parenting 101 to know who your kids are hanging out with? Or is that just so silly of me?
Silly wabbit, in
Silly wabbit, in StepmotherWorld, of course. The laws of that universe are if Stepmother says anything whatsoever including cake! presents! perfect weather! it is wrong, evil, "intrusive," or "humiliating."
I feel the same way you do. Many parents do. But because I said it it was immediately rejected and this boy was allowed to become the biggest influence in the girl's life during the worst year of the girl's life. After all the damage is done, BM suddenly makes her house Teen Freedom Zone and we are left looking like the Meany McMeanersons because we don't want our house suddenly usurped by teen boy we barely have met on a day we had other plans.
I foresaw in my crystal ball the need to get to know this boy but it's so much more fun to be caught off guard and be put in the defensive position. Apparently.
Yeah. But mom allows all the
Yeah. But mom allows all the time! You just hate my boyfriend! ugh.
If bm thinks no sexual experimenting can happen at her house just because the babysitter is there she is so delusional as to make one suspicious of a hidden agenda. All they have to do is say they are going in SD15's bedroom because they want to get away from ss13. If babysitter knocks on the door, all they have to do is ignore her. When they emerge at their own leisure, all they have to say is 'we had headphones on, we didn't hear you knock!"
2 in love teens with nothing to do together for 8 hours a day? I'm beginning to suspect BM is planning for her own future by lining up SD to start receiving child support just when BM's own child support stops.
Operation I Can No Longer
Operation I Can No Longer Live Without My Boyfriend for More Than a Few Hours has culminated in a last minute snark filled request to go to fireworks with him. DH slowed her down long enough to at least call the boy's parents and find out some details. He just left to take her to him.
We had already agreed to have the lovebirds go to a trampoline place tomorrow but apparently that wasn't soon enough.
Every holiday since I've known SD has become a Festival of Insults as I've provided holiday fun. Including her own birthday. Holidays are "stupid." Celebrating them is "weird." Presents, decorations, it's all "fancy" -- one of her favorite insults. I take it that it means "materialistic, annoying, selfish" even if the presents and decorations are for sd herself. So this Fourth of July I gave her what she's always wanted--no damn holiday. DH and I took yesterday off and had a wonderful day trip full of Americana. I wore my Fourth of July garb and we considered that our Independence Day. I was not up for trying to cram a holiday down unwilling kids' throats today. I was at peace.
Suddenly, 1/2 hour before dark, SD now needs fireworks and a holiday celebration. Because it was someone else's idea for once, not the stepmother's. So fucking sick of this no-win role.
Why would any idea you have
Why would any idea you have be worthy? We are not worthy, chant repeatedly at yourself in the mirror.
Ah, the Stepmother Whisperer,
Ah, the Stepmother Whisperer, you truly have the essence right there.
Page 391 you say? Last time I
Page 391 you say? Last time I was at BM's I'm sure I saw a much handled, dog-eared book. It was open to a page that was chock full of yellow highlghter. If I do my self-hypnosis memory trick I'm sure I can, yes, the fog is clearing, I can see the page number: 391! This explains so much.
SD15 and BM tried the "I'm not coming over this weekend" thing about a year and a half ago but we put it a stop to it instantly. Let them both know it wasn't up to them. This weekend I'm wondering why the hell we did that?
Ugh. I just want to stay engaged long enough to try to reduce the chances of her making a baby at this stage. Nothing could be worse imho because watching this girl try to "mother" a helpless baby will be the actual death of me.
I hear you.
I hear you.