BM treats Autistic SS13 Like an Air Fern
Really spitting bullets this morning. Couple months ago at the school carnival I paid for and ordered a yearbook for my stepson. I paid from my personal funds. Many teachers at that school have broken their backs for him and many, many children there have gone way out of their way to be kind to him. He also has some real friends he gets party invitations from, etc. I thought all those people counted.
Furthermore, since it's a school tradition I wanted him to be part of it. Every single social interaction he participates in makes something in his brain that wants to sink into darkness light up and sparkle instead. So I felt having him be a part of the signing and autographing fun would be an opportunity not to be missed.
Yesterday the school assures me that the yearbooks have all gone home, ss13's specifically included. They checked. BM never mentioned it to us. Last night DH starts trying to contact her to see if she has it and please drop it by ss13's school in the morning. Today is the last day of school and they do the signing today (we have ss13 though it's her day). BM doesn't answer till 4:00 am. She says she has it but "it's not worth it." She won't drop it by.
Don't know if I'm more furious or more sick to my stomach. Can't understand how this particular item ever made it out of the backpack into her house, either. School has done experiments and THEY know she never looks in the backpack. All I can think is SS was talking about the yearbooks the day they passed them out and wanted to show it to her. Which makes me even more sick that she then decreed it "not worth it."
DH then called SD15 and told her the yearbook belongs to us and she is to "do him a favor" and bring it to HER school where dad will pick it up early this morning. Reminds her that she left something at our house that he is doing HER a favor by bringing by.
Next thing we know BM is texting DH "what's all this?" So SD15 complained yakkety yak to her mother that Dad asked her for this favor.
DH told me as he left that if SD15 hasn't brought the yearbook as asked he will tell her, "Oh, well, you can think about that while I take your green jacket to Goodwill." This girl is getting 4 Fs, egged on by her mother, and can't do a single damn thing her father asks, like turn in a homework assignment that's already done! So this really is a hill to die on. Do one damn thing your dad asked.
BM, that's OUR item, we paid for it, you never revealed you had possession of it. We are taking your dog tonight for YOUR convenience. We have taken SS13 for untold number of YOUR days all year. We are keeping him many extra days this week alone so you can go on a trip alone with SD. THAT BOY DOES COUNT!!!! The yearbook activity IS WORTH IT FOR FUCK SAKE and FUCK YOU, YOU MAKE ME SICK.
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((Hugs)) that's really shitty
((Hugs)) that's really shitty CG. The year book does matter. It doesn't hurt any one for SS to have this memory and be a part of something bigger. I really hope SD brings it despite her moaning.
Thank you so much, monchichi,
Thank you so much, monchichi, I really appreciate it. Every word you spoke is spot on. Thanks for "getting it" so well. I do need a bit of comfort and glad to accept your cyber hug.
Because no one will be at the
Because no one will be at the apartment when he gets there and BM refused to leave it in a bag outside her door or at management's office. Yanno, it's "not worth it."
Leave it in a corner.
Leave it in a corner. Requires no effort on part of "owner." No care and feeding, not even water. Just sits and breathes, just like ss at her house.
That is DH's Plan C.
That is DH's Plan C. Absolutely that. But the cumulative effect of all these many things--us taking on all the responsibilities and doing all the extras and favors--made this a line in the sand for both of us. Plus there was no guarantee the school would have extras.
Honestly, Sweet Pea, there is
Honestly, Sweet Pea, there is even more to it than that. It's her disgusting attitude that the boy just doesn't matter. That's what really when you get right down to it fired me up. She dresses him in sloppy spaghetti stained T shirts with holes in them because "he doesn't care." I'm still waiting for her to celebrate his birthday in anyway whatsoever -- no ice cream, no gift, no card, nada -- that was 9months ago. She said she was going to but crickets. She doesn't do any activities with him whatsoever. Doesn't advocate for him. Doesn't teach him one single damn thing whatsoever. Never has him leave her apt except to drop him off at our house. He's nothing to her. An air fern.
This boy actually has a lot of potential. We know his friends (that we've developed for him) who all are described to us by their parents as having had more profound deficits than he ever had but are now much advanced beyond him. Because these mothers treated these boys like the hothouse orchids they are, who require intensive care AND expectations to bloom beautifully and they have bloomed. But ss does not get any of this. If it weren't for dh and super dedicated teachers he probably couldn't even talk now. Whining is all he needs to communicate at his mom's house. No growth, no blooming wanted there.
For her to put it in words this morning, "not worth it," just sent me over the edge.
Aw! That poor kid! That BM
Aw! That poor kid! That BM needs to be beat with a damn water hose!!! Y'all are wonderful people for doing so much for him to make up for that bead beat mother.
Water hose beatdown
Water hose beatdown welcome!!! Best idea ever.
And thank you. It's no more than any decent person would do. She is indecent.
well? did you find out if sd
well? did you find out if sd brought it?
poor kid. and he might be an air furn, those are beautiful, exotic, and work in miraculous ways that other plants cant function.
Those are nice qualities of
Those are nice qualities of an air fern but he is not one. He cannot thrive on air alone. He does need intensive care and nurturing and he WILL bloom exquisitely with such care and feeding. The stupid damn thing is that he's actually a very easy child and a joy to be around. ALL his teachers love him, the kids love him, everyone who meets him loves him cuz he's that sweet and fun. Everyone that kid has ever met puts more effort into him than she does! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HER????!!!
some people are just
some people are just assholes. she qualifies.
I so hope the poor kid gets
I so hope the poor kid gets his yearbook! My heart just breaks that his damn mother doesn't see all the wonderful, beautiful, special qualities in him that apparently everyone ELSE sees!!!
UPDATE: My DH did get the
UPDATE: My DH did get the yearbook from SD. She did not leave it at office as asked but he was able to get her called off her lunch hour (at 7:45 am?!). She sullenly and slowly teen shuffled over and delivered it to him. Whatever. Done.
DH has sent me pics of a proud, well-dressed and clean, smiling SS13 doing the little school tradition ritual for the 6th graders. Other moms have sent me pics of SS13 at the ritual. SISTERS of other moms who have younger kids at the school have sent me pics of him. All just proving my point that everyone loves this lovable boy and is rooting for him. Except BM.
DH has also been plied with school staff telling him how much better SS has done recently and oohing and ahhing over the things we've been doing at our house that are making a huge difference in this boy at school. These are staff who have known SS since he was in 3rd grade. Which he flunked. He is graduating there on the Honor Roll with straight As.
What a day. I am feeling so kerflempt. (I could not be at the ceremony). I wish I could post one of these pics here. You would all see what a beautiful and standing tall boy he is today.
CG I'm so glad to hear it
CG I'm so glad to hear it finally came together. Yay for SS!!
AWESOME!!! so sorry you
AWESOME!!! so sorry you could not make it, but how wonderful that EVERYONE is so proud of him and keeping you 'in the loop' with pictures.
Thank you, thank you, ladies!
Thank you, thank you, ladies! Sniffle sniffle sniff!!!!
I am so glad he has you guys
I am so glad he has you guys in his corner. It makes me want to cry thinking that she would have deprived him of that.
Thank you. It does make me
Thank you. It does make me cry. It helps so much to come here and find kindred souls. Decent people with empathy. Thank you.
That is so awesome! I"m glad
That is so awesome! I"m glad your SD wasn't a complete asshole like her mother and glad your DH was able to send you pics of SS getting his yearbook signed
So many of the skids on here are just little assholes it makes me angry that here's a great kid and his BM is such an asshole she doesn't give a shit about him.
Oh, sd is a complete asshole
Oh, sd is a complete asshole like her bm. But DH was pursuing it so aggressively that BM must have got the wind up (thanks for the phrase, Brits!) that she might lose her free dog care this week or something if she didn't tell the girl to go and do it after all.
And thanks for all your kind words. The support I get here and that ss13 gets vicariously here really makes a huge difference to me. Might be in prison now if not for STalk, bm with purple marks around her throat.