While her actions are strange, I don't see them as psycho. Maybe because I've dealt with some pretty horrible things myself, I don't know. But I don't place her in the psycho stalker category. I see it as more of a problem with her self esteem. Nothing that you've mentioned would really be justifiable cause for a restraining order, and you might actually hurt your own credibility by trying to get one. You know all those vindictive BMs that ruin their reputation by bringing their ex and his woman to court multiple times? You don't want that kind of wrap on you.

I don't know much about your interactions with this woman or how she acts, but a lot of the things that she's done could be simply due to following what she thinks is the norm, "keeping up with the Jones's" is what my BF calls it. Your neighbor renovates his lawn, so you renovate yours. Your girlfriend shows up to dinner in a gorgeous new outfit and heels, and you're wearing something you've owned for years and it's not particularly fun or flattering...so you go buy new clothes. Catch my drift?

Maybe I'm just naive and prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt. But I also do sense a lot of anger and resentment in this post. Do the things that she does make you feel threatened as a companion or a stepmother? Do you have any sort of jealousy towards this woman? Because I'm definitely getting these kinds of vibes from your post.

Please don't take this the wrong way, I'm just stating what I see here...

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

I do see 1 positive thing. The kid is 12 years old so you should be able to get it in front of the judge and let the kd tell the judge he wants to live with his dad. I'm not sure what to say other than that because its been a bumpy ride and it does not sound like she is going to let it go. Document everything and eventually you will have enough proof to get something done about BM and SF. If either of them lay a hand on him make sure you get pics of the bruises.

however I can understand it... it sounds to me as if this woman (BB) is obsessed with kimmie and that is understandably annoying.

I too have dealt with a psycho stalker however in my case its the SM who stalks me (the bio mom)

My advice is to document EVERYTHING and if she keeps it up take her butt to court...
I would just make sure not to strike too soon because Nymh is correct in stating that it can make you look petty. You want to be able to prove your case, not look like you are there to fight with bm and disparage her name. Make sure that you can prove what you are accusing her of... I can't stress that enough.

I know because my son's SM has taken me to court several times (based on lies) which of course she couldn't prove. Her goal was to get an order against me just to make me look bad... well the court didn't believe her (especially when she couldn't prove what she was saying and when I hit back with PROOF that she is the stalker and harasser)...
The last time she tried to get an order against me, I counter filed.... her request was dismissed outright and the judge told me to re-file my motion in Family Court (likely to keep her away from my son as well).

My point is that when she would make all of these crazy allegations... set a court date... and then show up lacking any proof it made her look really bad and each time a piece of her credibility flew out the window.

Eventually the court even went as far as to conduct a full investigation and determined that she cannot be trusted, that she has lied to a number of professionals and that she is vindictive, spiteful and overzealous.

I do understand how you feel however it likely is not grounds for an order against her... keep up the documentation and eventually you will have enough.

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned"
-Budda

...she doesn't seem like a stalker, but someone with a very low self-esteem basically and all she's really doing is copying you. If that's the most that she's doing, it can't be all that bad.

It doesn's sound like it from your post but is she hounding you guys for child support on a daily basis? It doesn't sound like she's having any financial difficulties if she's able to buy a new SUV, a dog and a Harley or a house nearby? Does she do drive by's your house at odd hours? If she's not supposed to talk to your boyfriend about their son, how do they communicate other than through you? That's got to be hard on you! My point is that there are some pretty serious blogs on this site that if the BM's were doing to me what they are doing to the SM's, I'd be terrified.

Unfortunately, we can't control other people's behavior, just as they can't control ours. Let it go.

I'm not trying to minimize the fact that she is annoying to you, but I think there are a lot of SM's on this site that wish the BM's in their lives could just be annoying and not as bad as they really are. I'm sure any one of the SM's who deal with all the lies and constant visits to family court would give anything to have someone as easy as your boyfriend's ex seems to be.

This is just an observation and I'm not saying you don't have it hard at all. Please don't take this to be a criticism at all either. Maybe she doesn't want to admit it, but maybe through all the emulation, and without saying it outloud to you, she may really like you so that's why she copies you and her ex. Weird I realize, but this could be why she's doing it.

take care and be well, Jenn

Hi, I'm sorry you are dealing with this craziness. If it helps at all, please know that there are others out there who understand. That is the one thing I have learned from this site in the very short amount of time I have been here.
My husband and I have a VERY SIMILAR situation! We have his one child, my SD exactly 50/50 too. The ex/BM lived in the same town too for the first three years, we ended up moving. She was a stalker for sure...she would come over very often, saying that the daughter needed things and would always conveniently "forget" things all of the time. She would come in to our house and stay for sometimes over an hour and would not ever stop talking or complaining or leave. She tried to drive me out so many times and she called my husband over 100 times a month! Talk about crazy. We did get court orders too saying she can only call him for emergencies and that she has to use e-mail, but she can call her daughter once a day that she is here. She was calling up to eight times a day! She would even call to try to get back together with him and other times to complain. It took the police and court orders to keep her off of our property, out of our house, and to stop calling so much. Yes, she still violates the court order here and there, but she knows that we can't take her to court over a few violations a month. It's so frustrating, I know how you feel. My husband can't stand her and has to deal with her at every event for his daughter. She hounds on him even through email now, but at least that is contained.
I guess my advice would be to always be the bigger person, and if you have to, notify the police of the court situation that she is not supposed to be calling your husband. Once they know the situation, you can build your case if needed by contacting them to enforce the situation and speak with the ex/BM every time she does call him. Save the caller ID number and have the police address it. That way, if you need to block his number from her or take other actions, you will have police reports. Tracking everything yourself is a good idea, but having the police tracking it, is way better. We had to do that too. The police will grow impatient with her for violating this court order and eventually those other "claims" they can't prove, will start to make more sense to them. Once they see her behavior as irrational, they will be more likely to give your step son's allegations more consideration as true. I feel bad for him, that poor kid. My SD's mom has boyfriends and one of them was even in a psycho ward at one point. My husband says that she has only dated one guy he doesn't think is complete "trash", as he phrases it. It's sad for the kids not to have good influences, but that is not your choice. Just be the best influence you can. But, I do think that the more you play the "middle man", the more upset the ex/BM will become, so make sure that if she gets testy or mean, make sure you are not alone with her and do record your conversations if you feel that would help. We did that, and it got her to stop calling so much when she knew that was happening. How did you get that court order to go through you? I know my husband's ex/BM would never never never agree to that. She wants to have everything dealt with just the two of them and tries to keep me out of everything and just talk to him or have him around but not me. Well, write me if you want to and let me know if you need support. I know exactly how you feel!

Why the heck were you placed as the middle- man in mediation?  your best possible hope is to be in a position where you shouldn't have to deal with her.