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I have a protection order

Gunner's picture

I was granted a FVPO and my wife now ex is no longer allowed to have contact with me. Her sister called and came and got some of their things. She hasn't tried to contact me or anything. She is saying horrible things on her facebook and I know I need to not read it but I keep checking it. I guess I need the torture. How do you let go when you love someone?

Comments

justkeepstepping's picture

For starters you should block her on FB. There is no need for you to be reading it. It's not going to help you.

I'd pack their things up. Remove all trace of them from your house and redecorate. That helped me when I left DS's dad.

Gunner's picture

Some friends are coming to help me move her stuff to a storage unit this weekend. I'll let my attorney give her the key. I know I need to block her but I don't think I am there yet.

DaizyDuke's picture

Block her. Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing that she is bothering you, because let's face it. The only reason she is posting personal crap on FB is because she is hoping you'll see it and she can reel you back in. Don't fall for it!

hereiam's picture

You are now seeing that she is not the woman that you thought she was, and loved. It's not easy. Concentrate on you, your kids, and moving on.

Are you getting any counseling? You've been through a divorce before, so you know that it is a process. Like death, there are stages you must go through and a grieving period. Your feelings will change daily, you will miss her some days and be glad that she is gone others.

I don't want to tell you to focus on the negative, I'm sure there were good times, but remember, she was using you and was, ultimately, trying to come between you and your kids.

Please stop looking at her FB.

Gunner's picture

I was seeing a marriage counselor and she put me in touch with a counselor. I see him next week.

StepUltimate's picture

Good for you, glad to hear you've already got a counseling sesson. I've followed your blog since your 1st post and really feel for you - very tough situ. The love you have for your kids & your willingness to take action on the tough choices you've had to make recently, and your reaching out & posting in spite of some of the brutal commentary, give me the feeling that no matter how painful this is, you will keep doing the next right thing. And the situation for you and your kids gets better and better, and the painful ending to your marriage may in hindsight, be a major milestone. I am proud of you for ending this unhealthy relationship, and yes, it's gonna be better for you to stop reading those FB jabs. No good and all kinds of bad can come from reading that stuff & letting this woman continue to negatively affect your mind, emotions, energy & time. If you pray, maybe pray something positive for her and her kids instead (or if you don't then just don't dwell on her) and then evict her from your mind - lots of other things in life that need your thoughts & energy.

Wishing you the best and for peace and serenity for your family.

BethAnne's picture

You remember that there is more to a successful relationship than love and that as a father you have more than just you to consider.

AshMar654's picture

You will continue to check it is human nature I think sometimes. Everything is still so fresh for you so it will take time. When you find yourself going on to check or catch your self make a point to do something else to busy your mind like read a book or go for walk with no phone so you can not check. Mine was cleaning and walking.

Do not beat yourself up too much when you relapse and check, most of us have been there and done the same thing. I did it too when my ex moved out and eventually I blocked him. He had already started talking to another girl and he admitted it to me I kicked him out of our apartment. It was a rough break up for me I really did care about him. I went to counseling, also some anxiety meds for a couple months and eventually started doing things that made me happy.

It takes time just hang in there and remember your mental health and your children's over all well being are what is important now.

tessa12's picture

Ignore her and her antics. It's childish to bash an ex, let alone in a quasi-public forum.

Find a good individual therapist and see him/her regularly. It will be critical in your mental health in leaving a dysfunctional relationship. Best of luck to you and your children.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Realize that the person you loved doesn't actually exist. Who she really is - that's who is posting on Fakebook.

Snowflake's picture

Didn't read what everyone else wrote, but wanted to give my opinion.

You have ended the marriage. There will be no reconciliation.

I will tell you from my personal experience that divorcing someone with money who you really don't like is actually quite easy to get over. I was married to a very very wealthy man. Now when I married him, he was not. When I divorced him I left happily with nothing. (Although he provided our children with the lifestyle they had became accustomed). Less then a year later, I met a very attractive man who is the absolute love of my life and soulmate. We are happily approaching a decade.

As for my ex... well I could care less if he is happier then hell or if he is a miserable and wallowing in grief. Don't. Care. At. All!

My point is... move on. Stop looking at her crap. Block her. She most likely hates you and you really need it to not worry any longer about her!

Merry's picture

You're moving in the right direction. You can't expect it to be linear though -- you are mourning and will go through all those stages of grief. But you WILL come out the other side happier and healthier.

You will learn a lot about yourself if your counselor is any good. I hope you find strength and peace.

Thumper's picture

May I ask, what are your allegations for the 'temp' protection order. When is the next court date and for how long do you have this FVOP thing.

FVOP must be something new. What does it stand for.

KittyKatMomma's picture

Read his previous blog-she attacked him and she was recorded doing so and the police were involved.

Thumper's picture

GUNNER----why do you refuse to answer my questions on many of your posts?????

They are reasonable. You might be able to help someone else on ST in the future.

So I will ask again and I will ask two simple ones, ok?

GUNNER when is the court date for your x to appear? What are the charges?

Peridwen's picture

Goodluck - Why are you so stuck on this? Asking a specific court date is not necessarily reasonable. I don't necessarily recall where Gunner's ever said where he lives, but he may have mentioned it. If Gunner were to answer the specific date, and someone knew where he was from, it is conceivable they might be able to determine his real name. That violates internet safety in a major way.

Are you looking to for a FVPO for yourself? The best way to find out if you can get one is to look up your local laws, or contact a police officer.

Disneyfan's picture

Why on earth do you NEED to know when the court date is?

I say kudos to him for ignoring you. That's better than taking your bait and risk getting banned

Thumper's picture

Gunner has often overlooked questions posed by other members here. I am not the only one.

Gunner does not add up and I do not believe this person is real.

As usually Gunners track record reflects; That 'he' appears out of no where and dumps a load of information. He spends a considerable amount of time and effort to write us in great detail.

Collectively we all know the where abouts of his ex this past week. She is caring for an ill parent in TX, we all know about mediation, counseling topics, child support amounts, court order information, therapist sessions, private schools, the nights HE cooks her favorite meal, the nights SHE cooks his favorite meal and when she is pissed when he didn't cook on 'his' night, We also know When HE is pissed she didn't cook on 'her' night. WE know they sit by the pool having drinks sometimes until 2am. WE also know when most parents are with his kids, he and his wife leave them at home to go out with friends on his weekend with his bios. It was Fathers Day if I recall....

WE also know his 1st x has a live in, shacking UP in the home he paid for. WE also know his wife's bio kids dad is not around because his wife wants it that way. Lets not forget how much money Gunner makes a year, who pays what bills OR Not...we know that too, right?

Heck we may know more about this person then many of us about our own sibling or kin. I could go on and on if you really want me to.

Curiously though, a reasonable question I asked him is NOT out of line considering how much he has already told us. Asking when his wife's first court appearance is? What are the charges? AND was cps involved. And yet this .may be looked at as Gunner taking MY bait and possibly being banned ? Pfffft.

I believe whoever Gunner is, this person is pulling your strings. I believe you good people have taken this persons bait.

Gunner appears every few weeks dumps then runs,,,appears, dumps and runs, appears, dumps and runs.. Each story grows and grows and now his recent story involves domestic violence ( we all take that very serious) BUT she didn't attack him until after she kicked him out--his words not mine. All awhile his step kids are recording the entire incident. Very serious issue when minors are present during assault.

I don't believe Gunner, never have. HE wont answer certain questions because he cant.

JMO

notasm3's picture

I don't think a poster should reply to questions on court dates, charges, etc. It's too easy to find court records with all one's identifying information. If one really want to stay anonymous it would be foolish to open up that access to personal information.

Now I have not read most of Gunner's posts so I can't say if he's already given enough info to out himself IRL.

Thumper's picture

notasm3 I understand your point. And I mostly with you but Gunner has put is all out there. No doubt his x and soon to be x could easily identify him based on the garbage load of stories he has told. Even prior to this new 'update'. Minus what state he lives in. Far fetched but possible to stir up a courtroom for 15mintues or so. So I suppose the cat has been out the bag for several months now if his wives wanted to use it against him.

Actually I do not expect nor have I ever expected "Gunner" to answer me. Why would he. If he is a he to start with.

ST has been known to have a very small percentage of on going, lingering story tellers. Gunner fits this profile in more ways than 1.

JMO of course.

*Domestic violence of both men AND women AND child protection are two areas which I take seriously. Also cant stand anyone who use the old Silver Bullet to gain upper hands in custody/divorce cases OR to have a soon to be x kicked out of the home and arrested for DV.

Disneyfan's picture

******