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It's over.

Empty Risks's picture

Submitted by Empty Risks on Sun, 09/02/2007 - 1:11am

This week is finally, gratefully, over. And, so is my marriage.

Even tonight he made sure to tell me that I've always made too big of a deal about the SD's behavior. He also told me he would never think she was as "bad" as I thought she was.

Bad? Oh no. That word lacks emphasis. And anyway, he never had to see her as "bad"; only a a young person who needed some real, giant help. But no, he continues to see me as some drama queen waiting to point out all her faults, instead of his partner who wants SD's life to be better and brighter than what it will be going the way it is.

My best friend (she and I live only one block away from each other) is stage 4, and her chances are slim. My other good friend has MS and is spiraling. My sister is completely bi-polar and is HIV positive with a young son at home. I live in a shite apartment and wait with baited breathe every day to see if I will finally be published. My husband is done with me because I am done with allowing his child to walk all over me and everyone else. So yeah, I got punished for being there by her, and now I am punished again because he refuses to be around me because I won't stand for her abusing me. Go figure.

*sigh*

I went to the hospital last night and got put on anxiety meds. Woohoo. At least now I am not about to fall apart. Who knows what will happen when these run out.

For now though, I am fighting to be back to my optimistic self. I'm not clueless as to how much things suck at the moment, but I have to believe that things will get better. Life is meant to be abundant, beautiful, fulfilling.

They'll get that way, I know. But the path getting there is a dark and frightening one....the walkway is tangled with crawling brush and spiders.

Anyone have a flashlight?

Comments

Cruella's picture

Submitted by Cruella (not verified) on Sun, 09/02/2007 - 9:22am

I got fed up with arguing with SD about her appearance everywhere we go. I asked her to put on a decent shirt to go see my parents. You see I just bought her earlier this summer a whole new wardrobe. Then I went out and bought her school clothes. Instead she put one with a huge hole in it. I took my finger and ripped the shirt and said argument OVER! My patience has disappeared.

DH came to me and said "YOU HURT HER FEELINGS!!!" Well WAHHHHHHHHHHHH I don't give a rats ass. I am not buying these children any more clothes nor will I take them anywhere with me. I am sooo done.

irishcali71's picture

Submitted by irishcali71 on Sun, 09/02/2007 - 10:41pm

oh ,I am breathing a sigh of relief.. i swear , i was starting to think i was the crazy one- the ex tells my bf- "She is trying get rid of (ss)..." UMM NO SWEETIE- Im trying to instill some type of respect for adults, responsibility, and parenting to YOUR CHILD- because YOu are too busy with your new alternative lifestyle to actually parent your son and teach him anything!!! And after all the anst, and grief these stepkids cause US- its all about them- their hurt feelings, their issues- PLEASE!! I dont give a rats ass either..that kid knows exactly what he is doing!! UGH!!! Its reassuring to read that i am not the only one who is fed up...

THANK YOU for sharing Smile

goingcrazy's picture

Submitted by goingcrazy on Sun, 09/02/2007 - 12:31pm

If your husband is that toxic to you, then maybe this is for the best. You should not have to put up with so much as a stepparent without the emotional support of your spouse. So, as hard as it may be, now might be the time you need to be free.

You will succeed in this life. You are going through so much, yet your optimism shines in your writing. You will go far, just remember this is only a small hurdle keeping you from your happiness. I know you will get everything coming to you soon.

As for your friend, cancer is a battle that isn't over till the end. Miracles do happen. Should her time be coming soon, it is only because God sees that you have lost your way and you need a special Gaurdian Angel to get you through. I firmly believe this.

You will love the anxiety drugs... I do! Can't do this life without them. But remember that there is more to controlling your anxiety besides just drugs. Try some meditation and exercise. It will work wonders. In the meantime, take each day as it comes. You can only do so much and be so much. Take care of you before ANYONE else! And as always, lots of love and hugs your way.

ittakestwo's picture

Submitted by ittakestwo on Sun, 09/02/2007 - 1:17pm

Awww, honey you have had such a rough time, between your marriage, your own kids issues, the SD from hell, and now your friend(s)health.

You seem to have a lot of strenth tho and that will help you through. You remain optimistic even tho you have lived through things many others wouldn't be able to. When I think back on your story I'm not sure *I* would have stuck around through all that you did.

(((((BIG HUGS TO YOU))))) Sending you lots of love and hugs...

It is what it is...

crazyhair123's picture

Submitted by crazyhair123 on Sun, 09/02/2007 - 2:44pm

I don't know what to say I am sorry to hear of your friends condition and I'm sure that you feel that you can't cry on her shoulder with all that she is dealing with .... but that is one of the great things about this site.... we are here to encourage you to find the light at the end of your tunnel. I just hope that you can stand strong & try and stay optomistic for yourself.. I think you need to keep talking and letting it out.. I am sorry that you had to go on the meds, I wish I could tell you a secret cure for all but I do believe... that you love your children and they love you and no one can take that away from you find happiness in that love that you share with them I wish you the best and know that you are not alone we all deal with shit & some days are worse than others, sometimes weeks and months ...I hope that you safely find your solution and you are happy again ~B~

klinder180's picture

Submitted by klinder180 on Sun, 09/02/2007 - 6:12pm

I am sorry. Similar thing happened to me this summer. Sometimes there are no answers to situations in life. We try and struggle and work. We attempt to make things work, but the thing is it takes two people in a relationship to make things work. When you have a blended family, the couple has to be on the same page. Children deserve a happy home, but the parents have to be happy before they can offer that happy home.

Keep your chin up.

Kevin

Catch22's picture

Submitted by Catch22 on Sun, 09/02/2007 - 8:36pm

If he also makes the decision not to be around you, then you won't be tempted to go back to this miserable life with SD.

I know things seem bleak right now especially with your friends failing health, but try to see a bright side, I know there is one out there for you Smile Hug.

And with your hurt feelings and anger all I can say to you is something a very wise friend of mine said to me once "this too shall pass" I know it sounds stupid, but I'll be buggered, he was right!

Keep fighting life, if for no one else but your boys...they love you unconditionally.

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*

Georgie Girl's picture

Submitted by Georgie Girl on Sun, 09/02/2007 - 9:47pm

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I too have an sd who is tough to deal with and a dh that will always back her up no matter what. I pray that you find peace and clarity in all of this.

I wish I had the perfect words to say to you Empty. Please take care of yourself and your boys. My prayers and many hugs are with you, your family and your friend.

Georgie

Overwhelmed in Texas's picture

Submitted by Overwhelmed in Texas on Mon, 09/03/2007 - 9:48pm

I've not been around much lately, due to my own ongoing troubles, but I wanted you to know I was thinking of you and sorry to hear how things are going, remember, this girls problems are not because of you and you are not responsible for her, my husbands' 14 year old daughter is getting kicked out of school next week (private school) *sigh* she is disrepectful and rude....just like her mother!

Empty Risks's picture

Submitted by Empty Risks on Mon, 09/03/2007 - 9:53pm

I miss you!

lmdavi0's picture

Submitted by lmdavi0 on Tue, 09/04/2007 - 9:04am

if i remember correctly, these were the words that you gave me and who knew you would need them so soon. life is freakin' insanely crazy and to have a positive outlook, especially in times of trouble, is the real test, i think. to know that life will get better, that we will never get more than we can handle. i pray for your friends, that is devastating, and i pray that your marital problems will go away (one way or another, right?), and i pray that you won't have to take those little blue pills for much longer. you're a strong one and you know at least that there is a light to be seen.
take care.
much love,
lmdavi0

always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much.

Colorado Girl's picture

Submitted by Colorado Girl on Tue, 09/04/2007 - 1:52pm

to hear of your recent 'troubles' (for a lack of a better word); your optimistic attitude is only an expectation you should have for yourself - not anyone else. It's okay to feel down on your luck sometimes especially when you ACTUALLY are.

You WILL get through all of this, though. You are a phenomenal person who is going through a rough patch and we are all here for you to lend a cyber shoulder to cry on.

Big hugs to you!!

"To the ass, or the sow, their own offspring appears the fairest in creation."