I mean, we all know how they were created, but do you ever wonder what the circumstances were? I know it's irrelevant and not healthy, but my mind wanders sometimes.

1) were they married
2) drunk
3) overwhelmed by passion he didn't pull out/she didn't get off
4) they thought a kid would bring them closer
5) she didn't let him pull out/vice versa
6) contraception broke

we have 50/50 and the current schedule is that we have ss every mon, and tues, and every other fri, sat, sun....so it rotates we have him 2 days and then for 5, and so on.

bm finally got a job (not to better herself, or to be stable for ss, but because her bf threatened to leave her) anyways, she has to work now so she just cant take having him for 5 straight days. and she told dh that she thinks they will need to change the schedule soon.

I am writing this because I am so conflicted inside! I am a teacher, I am a mother, I am a step-mother. MY 11SS has never done what is required of him in school and it has always been me who has followed up and made him follow thru on getting things done since he was in Kindergarten. Now, the kid is in 6th grade been suspended from 3 different schools (which I feel bad for him having to change schools so often due to BM & DH custody battle) however, the kid is beyond smart! he has tested above average on all those state tests etc. He is almost too smart, but he is extremely LAZY!!!

Winter is a curse! Come on spring time, sunshine and playground time. I must get these kids out of my house. The inside of my home can't take much more. These kids are driving me crazy. ALL OF THEM. The needfulness, the fighting, the tattling, and the bathroom stalking. It all has to stop! I just need some ME time, and some ME and MY MAN time.

I'm selfish, I admit it.

Or is my walk through step parent land just smoother than most?

DH and I were talking about some of the things that happened in the beginning of our relationship and I swear when I think about some of them I don't know him and I made it.

I just don't know what to do anymore. He promised me she would be gone by February. Now she says she will never be ready by then....I want to scream. She has been working for 5 months now making a decent living, why isn't she ready? Oh wait that would mean NO more FREE ride. She would need to be responsible and pay her own way. She pays no rent, does no chores, cooks for herself only and uses whatever groeceries or laundry detergent, toothpaste that she sees fit to use. I think I just need to get the hell out of dodge.

SD 20 moved out yesterday and back in with BM. The my son BS13 and me are the only ones upset about it. she had some serious issues, (trying to commit suicide, and disappearing for days) when she lived with BM before. this is why she came to live with us. More stable environment. Well long story short, BM's new BF (only had been dating 2 months, and he moved in) got arrested. (BIG WINNER) and BM is saying she can't live without him, and she can't be alone, blah blah blah. so SD20 moved back. SS10 thinks she (SD20)is an idiot, and i am quoting him.

I'll appologize up front...this is long !!!

All in one evening I went from being proud of DH for his effort to parent and then sick from being made to feel responsible for both sides of the lack of relationship with SD11.

Okay, DH and I watched 'Drag Me to Hell' lastnite and let me just say that the crazy b*tch in this movie with the nasty teeth, funky eyeball and gnarly fingernails reminded me quite a bit of psycho BM. Why you ask? Well I'll tell you. The old lady kept popping up everywhere to torture this woman who made a sound decision based on the actions of this psychotic nut job who was playing the victim instead of trying to solve the issues at hand. When she wasn't given any more leeway, she turned into a raging lunatic, and blamed this girl instead of realizing it was her own fault....just like BM!

Sorry to be writing so many entries within minutes of each other. I don't mean to take away from anyone elses blogs! But I just read another post about having kids with the SO. I never was a 'kid' person and never wanted any children. Until I married DH. Now I think I want a child of my own. Our own. But theres something stopping me. SD. I'm afraid that if DH and I have a baby, DH will still dote on SD and push aside the baby. I am afraid we won't have the money to care for both children adequately. I'm afraid SD will harm the baby.