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Losing Battle with SD

ohmygosh's picture

I feel like I cannot win with my SD. This child is 10 years old and every time I say something to her she back talks to me. If she does not get her way, she will throw a fit and cry, scream and throw things and make everyone’s life terrible. We have been going through this for three years now, and full time for me since my husband took his new job and I have to pull all the weight with raising my SD. Her mother lives 4 blocks away and wants little or nothing to do with her daughter and when told about what is going on she says she has had to put up with enough @#$^ today and does not want to hear it then hangs up.

The other night her mom was suppose to keep her and decides to switch night without telling us (but told her daughter). We had plans with friends for a BBQ, so we were going to have to take her with us. At 3:30 in the afternoon after school all hell broke loose because I told her she had to work on extra math practice sheets because she has been having problems in school (her father told her about this the night before). She screamed and back talked and threw things for three and a half hours. I called our friends and told them what was going on and suggested we make it another night, they said NO come over and we will put her in our spare bedroom and she can do her math in there while we continue with our plans (I told them she was going to scream all night).

So to no avail we went over and she was fine for about 30 minutes, then she started screaming and said she was not going to do her math, and she continued this for hours on end. Finally we told her there was a bed and blankets and for her to go to bed. She screamed for another hour or so, until none of us could take it anymore. She tells us as soon as we told her to get up so we could go home that she planned on doing this until we took her home (that she wanted to leave so she was going to ruin everyone’s night unless she got what she wanted).

We have tried everything from talking to grounding to spanking her. We have had her talk to someone and now I just made an appointment for her to be evaluated to be put on medication.

This type of thing has been going on a daily basis, and starts every night. I don’t want to sound mean, but I don’t even want to be around this child anymore. She makes everyday so bad I don’t even want to wake up. When I make her dinner (like last night) she watched me make her sandwich and then when put on the table she said, “ I am not eating this, it looks disgusting”. She started to cry and make faces and gagging noises. She screamed, so I called her father, told him the situation and he got on the phone with her and told her to eat or there was no dinner for her.

I got the phone back and she slammed her hands on the table, shoved the sandwich in her mouth ½ of it at once until she was gagging and then spit it all over my floor. She never cleaned up her mess, just went to the fridge to grab something else to eat. Her father said to throw her sandwich away, spank her butt and put her in her room. I did what he said, and she screamed until she knew her dad would be home within the next few minutes.

What do I do with this child? I am her full time caregiver and she hates me about as much as I can’t stand her attitude. I do everything for her that her mother should be doing but doesn’t. She has made attempts at physically hurting me, said she will do whatever it takes to make me leave. I love her father and my will is stronger than hers, but I feel like I could blow my top, like I am at the end of my rope with this child. How do I get her to stop? We took all her toys away, grounded her, took all fun activities away, we have talked to her. She lies everyday, she lies to her mother and anyone who talks to her about the situation and says “I make her mad”.

Darn it all, I think she is going to make me go nuts, am I the only one who has felt this way?????????

Comments

lovin-life's picture

Do you ever watch super nanny or nanny 911? I LOVE those shows! I wish I had them when my kids were smaller. I've seen them turn this kind of behaviour (and worse) around beleive it or not. You make her mad because you don't let her run the show. Get some help..books/child pyscholists/tv shows...whatever information you can. (professional help if you need it ) And you & your husband make a plan to fix this and stick to it. Being firm & consistant is the key!

When my son was much younger...he would throw wicked tantrums...if things did't go his way, sometimes. So I would walk away..or put him in his room...to have his fit. (He could have a fit if he wanted but I didn't have to watch it and it wouldn't change anything..he didn't get rewarded for it..by getting his own way..EVER)

Then he ramped it up... If I put him in his room..He just walked out. I'd put him back ..he'd walk out. I'd put him back..he'd walk out. Then I would threaten everytime he came out a smack on his butt and back in for his 'time out'....This butt smack would go on for 2, 3, 4 times. Then he would finally stay in his room for 'time out'

Thennnnnnnnnnn..........he ramped it up, again. Throwing things into the walls..distroying toys/ putting holes in the walls....
I was at the end of my rope!!!! But I was NOT going to let him win!!

SO out came every single toy he owned!!!!!!! Nothing to throw/break/nothing to put holes in the walls with........

HE FINALLY GAVE UP!!!!!!!!!!!

He realized that I would win..and his life would go easier..if he just spent he 3 or 4 minutes in his room to calm down gather his thoughts....and then we could discuss the situation.

Alot of his behaviour was 'normal' kid behaviour but in hindsight the intensity and frequency of this behavior was ADD related.

I suspected something was different about him..but he was sooooo smart in school, (especially the younger grades)..and I thought that ADD was a 'learning disability' in that..kids did poorly..failed..etc. So I didn't think to have him tested until he was 8 yrs old.

Anyway...I digress...

Don't give up....you have to get this under control. I think it can be done...but it's not going to be easy. But will be a nightmare later on if you don't!! Smile

lovin-life's picture

I just wanted to let you know my son is a great kid..today..he's 11. Not perfect..a work in progess. (Aren't we all) But both my kids know I don't put up with crap from them...AND I love them very much.

You are the adults .... you have the power.

If she doesn't want to eat...that's her problem. She won't die, just be uncomfortably hungry for a few hours.

She doesn't want to do homework.....EVERYTHING else stops FOR HER until it's done. No phone, TV, toys, everythings gone!!!!!!!!!!!

Try to set up opportunities to use positvie re-inforcement and wean off the negative...or try to balance one with the other ....