So much to say and dont know where to start. I met my husband 4 years ago after his then wife had left him. It was just suppose to be a casual thing but we both started to fall for each other. Stupidly I moved out of my apt to with him to his moms house. I was still a single gurl in my mind and had no idea what it meant to be with someone with kids. His mom took care of his kids, so everything seemed perfect. Exept his ex was still acting like he was hers. Oh some of his history...he met her in middle school and got her pregnant. She had 3 kids in all with him and they were together for 13yrs! She cheated on him, took his daughter out of state to be with another man. I could tell it broke his heart. He new nothing of taking care of children and bills and the house. He was just the money maker and didnt even keep up with his bank acct, she had full control. He felt dependent on her and because she cheated he began to chase her and do anything or buy anything he thought would bring her back. He even got into the trunk of her car when she left the house, to find out if and with whom she was seeing! CRAZY!

Well we moved 2 hrs away for his work. That same weekend I got pregnant! After having my son I was emotional and I was complaining about mess his kids made, he became defensive and hit me in the face with my newborn in my arms. I looked at him different after that. I called my ex and he caught me on the phone. Thats when he began to thing I was gonna be a cheater too. He became distant and the bio mom never came around for the kids. I was the only one they had to get attention from. So I consumed myself with the kids. By that time he had already stopped helping me with my bby and even his own kids. He was always having to leave town (his hm town) for "manager meetings" that always seemed to happen when the kids were in school, so guess who had to stay with all 4, ME! That summer his oldest son, who trusted and loved me, told me his bio mom had told them their dad would go see her when he would be in town. So many details he told me that no 10yr old could just come up with in our 5min conversation. I wasnt sure if it was true, I asked the other kids what was said before they had a chance to speak to each other and it was all the same info. Deep down I knew it was true. My DH worked with my frndz DH and her DH told her he said he didnt want to take me out of town with him. I wonder y. I died then and my life has been spiraling out of control. I drink myself to sleep and just to loose weight aftr bby I did drugs. I always felt compared to her with out him even saying anything. It was the way he looked at me...with hate. That hurt cuz I tried so hard to help him with his kids and felt lost. We fight alot and last august he pushed me over a dinning chair and I was bleeding internally. He took me to the ER, but kept leaving the room to see the GAME! I love him soo much but Im so tired of my life. Im so depressed i cant bring myself to do anything right anymore. I dnt want to leave the house anymore or talk to people who have tried to be my frnd many times. Now drinking doesnt put me to sleep...Ive slept 6 hours in 3days. My mind is gone...Im nt the person i use to be, all in 4 years. Much more to the story....