How much do I give?
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My Husband of almost 5 years passed away recently. He has 3 grown step children ages 25,22,21. He did not have a will and left a substantial life insurance policy with me as the sole beneficiary. I feel I must give them a share, but how much/% of the money should I give?
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I'm so sorry for your loss. My first husband died 10 years ago, so I do know what that pain is.
If you feel you must share your life insurance money, you might give them a token of 1% each, or something along those lines.
i agree with Twopines! They
i agree with Twopines! They are adults and you are the surviving spouse! It is generous for you to give anything
Yes, it is indeed VERY
Yes, it is indeed VERY generous to just give away money that is meant solely for her.
I think it speaks more that
I think it speaks more that he left the children nothing - there is a backstory here somehow - and maybe he left the life insurance policy solely in her name because while the kids can fight for the house and other objects they can't touch the life insurance policy.
I wold do it like this- pay
I wold do it like this- pay all the bills that need to be paid and then IF you can pay off your house or car then do so. you need to make sure you are ok. The skids are adults no?, then you should give a small % of what is left if anything. I know that may sound harsh but you need to make sure you will not loose your house or car or anything along those lines.
Unsurestepmom - wow you are
Unsurestepmom - wow you are very generous to even think of your skids - quite frankly if your husband wanted to leave his children anything he would have - depending on how they have treated you up until now if you want to give them something that is great but if you feel at this point in your life you will need the money for yourself they are young and can save for their own retirement.
My DH and I have just finished doing our wills and he has a substantial life insurance policy well over 2 million and God forbid if he died anytime soon he left enough for SS to have money to go to college and the rest comes to me because we have DD5 that I would have to raise alone and a home to pay off and cars and various other bills - but he wanted to do that for his son - I am curious as to why your DH did not leave them even 1 red cent in a will or life insurance policy - I think that speaks volumes about how he felt about them - I am not sure how old you both are but DH and I have had wills since we got married 8 years ago and before that he had a will with the ex - so your DH should have had a will but perhaps he did not want them to have anything.
So sorry for your loss!!
ussm, very sorry for your
ussm, very sorry for your loss.
who is making you feel this way:
"I feel I must give them a share"
are skids pressuring you, bm, inlaws???
the money was left soley for you. i don't think you are obligated to give anyone any of that money. you should get your financial affairs in order, plan for your retirement and invest accordingly.
>>I guess ultimately you need
>>I guess ultimately you need to ask yourself what you think HE would want done.<<
In this case, since the OP is sole beneficiary, that is really all there is to that.
That has been my point if her
That has been my point if her DH wanted HIS KIDS to have any money he would have made sure they were included in the life insurance or would have made out a will - I say he made his intentions very clear and I would not give them a dime!!! In a life insurance policy you can have a certain amount go to different people he had it 100% to his wife - THERE IS A BACKSTORY HERE!!!!!
Echo I completely disagree
Echo I completely disagree with you - life insurance is not about leaving a monetary award to the survivors it is about leaving money to the specific person that you mention in the insurance policy. DH and I both have insurance policies and of course we are the main ones but for one of the policies that DH's has he made sure that SS would get 50% of it so that I and BM could not touch that money and it would go directly to SS - that is what you do if you want to make sure that a person in your life gets the money you have a life insurance policy - so the OP's Dh knew what he was doing and had his own reasons - a life insurance policy is a way to give someone money that cannot be disputed for any reason where as a will can be held up in court for years - this man did not want his children getting any of that policy and probably thought they would try to screw over the SM if he had a will.
I'm very sorry for your loss
I'm very sorry for your loss USSM.
I had to laugh a little when I saw the comments here. When my husband died in June 2002, his 4 adult daughters "thought" that he had left me a large policy. They were immediately on the phone to my SIL who called me screaming and yelling that "It was only right that I divide that up equally 5 ways".
For sure take your time on
For sure take your time on this one! You need to make sure you have enough to live on after retirement. Are they going to take care of you in your old age when your money runs out? Ha, doubt it.
Maybe consider leaving some
Maybe consider leaving some of your own inheritance to them once you pass.
You will make sure that you have enough money to live on in the meantime.
But I don't think that you really have to give them anything if you don't want to.
I know in my situation dh set
I know in my situation dh set me as the beneficiary and told me NOT to give any money to his kids. he wants me to pay off our house and anything else I can to set me up. WHY? B/c he said that I will be the one that needs it as hopefully at that time we will be old and retired and I will not be able to work. However the kids will be able to take are of themselves. I know it sounds kinda harsh but that is what dh wants. dh also said that if he does and the kids are still kids he still doesn't want any money going to them b/c they will get an SS check and they will be taken care of. dh wants to make sure I'm taken care of b/c we only have each other to take care of us and the kids will have their own lives. Now that doesn't mean I can't give them things of their dads such as his tools and other things hat meant something to him and them. But honestly that would mean way more to me than money form ins! I told my parents the same thing and that I want them to spend their money and be happy for as long as they can. All I want is a mothers ring I bought my mom and that is b/c we designed it together and I bought it. It isn't the ring but the time and fun we and together designing it. I think this is what people are missing in this thread. What your loved ones mean to you not the money.
Before handing out any of the
Before handing out any of the insurance money consider a few things. The money was left to you. He had no will so depending on where you live the adult children could go after the value of 2/3 of his half of everything he owned in his name or that was not titled in your name. Could that surprise be coming up down the road? Consider that money may need to sustain you for many years. How have his children treated you? How likely is it that they will have contact or even know you years from now? Give them things that may have sentimental value for now and see how things are in the future befor making any commitments. Many times the family of a dead spouse become strangers and just fade away. My 1st husband died 20 yrs. ago. The family has not spoken to me in 15 yrs. My present husband's wife died 20 yrs. ago. Her children have not had anything to do with him since. Life moves on.The people and friends in your life years down the road may be different. Your needs and responsibilies come first.Don't know how old you are but that will make a big difference.Young people have their entire life to accomplish financial goals. Older people are at the end of their working years and have to consider that.