12 yr old SS still sleeps with his dad

Forums:

Does anybody else think this is totally bizarre?

My boyfriend and his 12 yr old son still sleep in the same bed together, and not the big bed of the house but the teeny tiny childs bed. I was aware of the sleeping habit that they had while the separation/divorce was forthcoming and in the years before as the relationship between him and the BM was tense at best and they did not spend time sharing a bed, therefore he shared a bed with his son instead. I assumed as the divorce and things settled down that a growing boy would want his privacy, but this is not the case. It is 3 years late and he is still constantly begging for his father to share his bed. Which is awkward to say the least when I live with them and do not appreciate having an empty bed either and do not want to face resentment from the SS due to the fact that I am taking his father out of his bed which he is evidently very fond of.

I thought giving it time would ease things but even when we are camping or out of town he assumes that he should be able to share a bed with me and his father. A "sandwich" he calls it, tries to be sweet and funny about it, but none the less I do not find this sweet nor funny and I do not want to be sharing a bed with a 12 year old boy as I think that this is completely inappropriate for grown-ups to be doing. None the less we have ended up sharing a bed together many a times, resulting in a sleepless night for me and what im assuming to be some sort of emotional damage for the SS, and what I am aware of to be a difficult balancing act from my BF who is trying to gently ease out of the situation while making everyone happy. I spoke my feelings about my discomfort and for a while it seemed like things were changing, my BF was coming to bed every night despite pleas from the other room, then when I switched shifts (now for 2 weeks/month I don't get home until 2am) I have found many nights that he is again sleeping in the same bed as his son, expecting me to wake him when I get home. Something that I refuse to do as I will not take him right out of his sons bed. This is causing tension, does this happen to other people? Am I overreacting or am I normal in thinking that this is weird?

at 12!!! why dont dh whip

at 12!!! :jawdrop: why dont dh whip out the tit for him? omg i would not stand for that resent me or not, a GROWN man would not be sleeping next to a TEENAGER

Yep bizarre is a good word

Yep bizarre is a good word for this behavior. This needs to stop.

NO, I think 12 is YAY to old

NO, I think 12 is YAY to old to being sharing a bed with a parent! I have a BS 13 and sometimes on Saturday mornings we all pile in my bed and watch cartoons or a movies, me bf,bs, bd, and if the skids are there them to. On occasion if he is sick an wants Mommy he will come for some cuddles, but that's it. He sleeps in his own space and likes it that way. I would be very uncomfortable having my 13 yo in bed with me and I'm sure BF would feel awkward too!

Your BF need to have a talk with him and expain to him he is a big boy now. I mean he's onthe verge of puberty, he can be reasined with and talked to like an adult.

JAG

this is downright creepy! I

this is downright creepy! I have a SS who will be 12 next month and I want to vomit thinking about he, DH and I sharing a bed??? And my SS wouldn't be caught dead sleeping with his father in some teeny tiny bed.... there is something very wrong with this picture and I would suggest that your BF seek some type of counseling for he and his son stat!

12 - Ewww!!! Tell him this

12 - Ewww!!! Tell him this is unacceptable and it needs to stop. Someone has to be the grown up here and make this kid independent. An outsider looking in will see that and think it is wrong. He needs to be shown that.

I had problems with this after my son's dad died when he was 6, but it stopped after a few months understandably for both of us. But, he was 6....

WAY out of line IMO-he's 12!

WAY out of line IMO-he's 12! And this isn't a dad/son chat for a few mins b4 bedtime..this is actually sleepign w/him...odd.

i totally agree with finey,

i totally agree with finey, and with all due respect, if i were bm and knew this was happening, i'd be calling cps on him no questions asked

you need to get him to stop or leave

LOL, I like this, and other

LOL, I like this, and other then #6, my man doen NONE of the above. In his defense, he has 2 boys ages 4 and 6 and they are bursting with energy!! My kids are a bit older and were probably just as hyper.

Great guideline!!

LOL! You are so awesome! It's

LOL! You are so awesome!

It's disturbing. I would wonder if something else is going on with dad and son.

LOL that's funny, my BF get

LOL that's funny, my BF get all red and flish if he is out with the boys and they have to go pee and they start asking questions about his privates lol. He's like babe what do I tell them lol. I said think about how I feel I have a daughter that's getting closer and closer to puberty, is there a magic spell to keep her 9???

That is just gross! IMHO of

That is just gross! IMHO of course. An adult does not need to be sleeping with a 12yo.

Side by side in a tent on a camping trip ... maybe. In the kid's bed in a home. NOPE! Not happening in Rags'world.

I would let him know immediately that this is just freaky and stops now or you are gone.

SO's place in bed is next to you. Not next to his 12yo.

:sick:

I know this may not come

I know this may not come across as very productive but...

Why in the world would you sleep with your BF AND HIS SON? Not only is dad making a REALLY BAD CHOICE, but SO ARE YOU. I would have said goodnight and left the FIRST time the BF tried to do this. This is completely inappropriate on so many levels. As long as you are willing to stay while he does this, he will never have a reason to stop.

Sleeping with son = no nookie.

Time has come for some more

Time has come for some more information on the situation:
1 - I do not sleep in the same bed with them in my home. I have made it perfectly clear that he is not to be anywhere near our bed, no movies, no sunday cartoons, nothing. He is not to enter the bedroom knocking or no knocking, ever. The times that we have ended up sharing the same bed have been camping occasions when there was only one tent (which I was unaware was going to be the case)... This summer things will be very different.

2 - BM has no issue with this situation. She seen it for a few years before the actual split, and has since begun doing the same thing as in all of the places that she has chose to call home since the split there has not been a room for her son to sleep, therefore he stays with her when they are together. Also he participates in the same activities with his grandparents. Who are just now starting to realize that it may be a little "stunting" as they call it, but still no biggie in their views he'll stop when hes ready. They're only young for so long, he'll be pushing away in no time blah blah blah

3- Although my bringing my concerns forward have changed the arrangements within our home, SS sleeps ALONE, there have been father/son chats about independence, changing bodies etc etc. Any ideas about what I can do about things that are outside of our zone of control in our home? The coddling of this boy is so far beyond unreal its hard to even articulate. The separation was 3 years ago for cryin out loud! He is not a delicate emotional flower, why am I the only one in this situation that sees this?

Wow. Well, apart from calling

Wow. Well, apart from calling CPS, you can't really do anything to force change in BM's home or in the grandparents' home. You could certainly tell them how you see it, but it's likely that they'll disregard it because you're an "outsider" who just doesn't understand and is making too big a deal about it. I think the best way is to simply end the coddling under your roof and hold strong. He is 12. There WILL come a time (very soon you'd think) when he will prefer the independence of his own bed in every home he sleeps in.

Truly though, I have no idea how you could deal with that. It's beyond disturbing.

What???? My DH won't even

What???? My DH won't even sleep in the same bed or room with his 5 yr old boys! He says his place is in the bed with me.

How interesting, I logged on

How interesting, I logged on today to create a post about a very similar situation. My fiance sleeps with his 9 year old daughter when she comes over to our house. However, it is only when I am not at home. Otherwise, she sleeps in her bedroom and he doesn't put up with any messing around, like the kids coming in our room in the middle of the night. It is so weird, and I have told him that it isn't appropriate anymore for a man to be sleeping in a bed with his 9 year old daughter in his underwear. Today I came home and found her pants and underwear laying on the floor next to our bed. It has creeped me out in the worst way. Was she in our bed without her pants and underwear on? The last weekend that we had his kids, she complained to me that her privates hurt. That is the creepiest part of this whole thing. He's at work right now and he hasn't had a chance to explain why her underwear are lying right next to our bed after her being over for a night by herself, but I am starting to get really worried about what is going on here. What do you all think? Is it appropriate for a dad and his 9 year old daughter to be sleeping together?

No that should stop. I would

No that should stop. I would refuse to live with someone who sleeps in the same bed as their children. She's 9. Its was time to stop a long time ago. Does he bathe her too???

You wrote that she slept in

You wrote that she slept in your BF's bed with no underwear on and that she recently told you that her privates hurt. It seems like you are implying that you are worried about something very serious here. You know your boyfriend.....think what you are implying is a possibility here? If so, I'd be at the freaking out stage about right now.

I am going through the same

I am going through the same situation. I am happy and sad to see that I am not alone. I was really beginning to think I was crazy and that my deep seeded jealousy for their relationship was all my fault!!
When we go out to dinner my bf likes to sit next to his son. When we are walking around places my bf holds his son's hand (not mine). For over a year now I have slept alone (most of his evenings he sleeps in bed with his son. I have tried for several years to have a date night with him stick (not even about money just his time ALONE!!!) but have not succeeded. Although for many years every Friday night was "their night". Now it isn't even needed because they spend almost all of their time together. By the way his son is 11.
I love my bf deeply, I know there is so much more to him (I've seen it). It is so painful to watch him hide behind his son. Not to mention what this is doing to his son's future as a member of society!

I think I'm alone here,

I think I'm alone here, but...

I was a kid who wanted to sleep with my mom all the time. I probably would have had her sleep with me in my bed until I was 30 if I'd had it my way. And it wasn't creepy. I go through this with my BF's kids (girls, 6 and 7), and while annoying, I don't think it's "disgusting" or inappropriate. I'm here all the time, I know what kind of a man my BF is and it's not like they're all naked cuddling in a bed together. It's the habit they formed a long time ago, and the girls are used to it. We're taking efforts to curb it because A) they pee the bed and I'm not sleeping in pee every night and I think it's important for their emotional development to have a space of their own (i.e. their own bed) where they feel safe without needing a parent with them at night, and C) we also need our own space and to work on setting boundaries with them.

I agree that 12 is old for a kid to still be doing this, but it's so weird to me that people think it's creepy. Kids are kids, they don't have ill-intent and they want their parents around for comfort. My boyfriend does a lot of guilt-parenting, because he feels bad about getting divorced and traumatizing the kids, so he lets them do things that he probably otherwise wouldn't, simply because he feels bad. Again, we're working on it. But calling CPS and assuming the guy's a creep because he sleeps in the same space as his own child seems a bit harsh. It's a behavior issue that needs to be worked out, but unless the dude is just a creep or a known pedophile, it's possible he's just gotten in a habit of doing what his kid wants him to do because he gets comfort and/or validation from having his dad with him.

This is funny & disturbing at

This is funny & disturbing at the same time. I do find it odd & strange myself. But on the flip side these parents seem nothing is wrong with sleeping with their kid after a certain age. I find it odd that my GF and her son still sleeps in the same bed at times & cuddles on the couch and he's 12. I mean it downright irritates me not because i want to cuddle with her, but for the fact it just seems weird to me that a mom & her son at that age are engaged in this type of activity and apparently its normal by many. I'm sure i have a strange way of viewing this & some may not feel how i do. But i couldn't imagine my son at 12 years old cuddled up with his mom. lol.. Hell at 12 i was in the woods building shit & setting fires, and the last place i wanted to be was next to mom on the couch. I'm accepting its different times & things, this is what i'm slowly learning..

That is revolting! It will

That is revolting! It will stunt the kids emotional growth and they will have no idea how to self-soothe or comfort themselves. These kids grow up to be socially inept and dependent on others for their happiness and security.

I don't usually follow Dr Phil - but he doesn't agree with this after age 6 - click on this link and read more if you ilke..

http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/235

When I discovered that my DH also slept with SD10 going on 11 - I was so shocked and horrified I didn't know what to think. Since I'd had NO experience whatsoever with this type of situation, I did a LOT of research and majority of advice is - it IS NOT good for the child.

Also! Lets not forget that men have erections throughout the night and most mornings - how does THAT not creep anyone out? This is why ONLY partners should sleep with eachother in bed.

I also have 3 Son's - they also have erections from age 11 onwards.. so .. imagine that.. two males in bed with two erections - GAHD ALMIGHTY!! How the hell can you not be skeeved out!!

I am so scared that this will

I am so scared that this will be my story one day. My ss is 7 and daddy still goes into his room and sleeps with him every other weekend when he comes. That means, every other weekend i can expect to sleep in my bed alone. My husband even lies and says "oh sorry, i accidentally fell asleep". But it happens EVERY SINGLE TIME HE COMES and now not only am i resentful but now i'm pissed that he's lying to me! Even at 7 it's creepy so i cannot imagine how you must feel.....

my boyfriend's 12 year old

my boyfriend's 12 year old son was still sleeping with him or his mother alternate nights when i first met him.i told him no way was i going to allow that when i was at his and been seconded to the spare bedroom.but if i hadn't no doubt it would still be happening. i have been guilty of this in the past with my kids when i have had hard times with my ex husband and i know for a fact my boyfriend did the same. it is very unhealthy and his place should be with you so settle for no less.

There needs to be boundaries

There needs to be boundaries set between dad and son. A women posted on here asking if it was weird that her husband and 14stepson kiss on the lips and I thought that was weird too. It all sounds like not enough boundaries implemented. My spouses 12 year old son just came into his life less than a year ago and we went on a vacation last fall and stayed in a hotel room with two queen beds . I felt a bit uncomfortable. However my spouse and I shared one bed and his 12 year old son and my youngest son 6 shared the other queen bed . The second night the son made a big deal out of sleeping in the bed with my son and after a long day of the 12 year old clinging onto my spouse the entire day (my spouse was super annoyed too ) he requested my spouse sleep in the same bed as him !! My spouse did. I was shocked but at that time he just was building a relationship with his son after not being in each others life for ten years . My spouse commented he felt really uncomfortable with sleeping next to his 12 year old son. I was pissed off too.

There needs to be boundaries

Ummm NO! Lather, rinse,

Ummm NO! Lather, rinse, repeat. End of problem.

I can't believe anyone would

I can't believe anyone would think this was okay. When my SS was 8, my SO and I were sitting on a big chair almost loveseat size not quite.

His son (who was almost as big as me) climbed into the chair onto our laps. I immediately got up and moved to the couch and said " oops, not enough room, you can sit by dad". Then he tried to cuddle with him. My SO politely said "son, your getting a little big for that, you can sit next to me but not on top of me". His son wasnt upset and never did it again. Children only know at that age what we teach them is appropriate. I would insist immediately on counseling, a third party telling your bf may help him see he is stunting his emotional growth. If he didnt stop sleeping with his teen son immediately, i would leave, not walk, run.

Lol. Some people must not

Lol. Some people must not read or see numbers very well. Bawhahahahahaha.

Same thing is happening to me

Same thing is happening to me expect that my bfs son is 8 turning 9 and he is no longer with the bm so his son comes over and stays from Friday to Monday morning.sometimes his bm will show up two days later to pick him up and he misses school too. When I sleepover and his son is here I have to sleep downstairs on the couch while his son sleeps in his twin sized bed with him. I find this extremely odd since his son can just go sleep downstairs on the couch and play Xbox or watch movies or YouTube. Is this just me who thinks this is weird and uncalled for? A kid this age should not be still sleeping in the same bed with his father. Especially due to how small it is also. And he sees him literally every week for three days. I never am the one who gets to even sleep with my own bf. The scary part is my bf likes his 8 yr old son sleeping with him and I feel like I am always put last. It also creeps me out and I feel that my bf should tell his son that this isn't appropriate for his age anymore and that he has to learn to sleep alone.

You are here

12 yr old SS still sleeps with his dad