Double money standards
Had my elbow drained and steroids injected for the second time last Monday due to a 15ft fall in December. I had a couple half days at work due to not being able to use that arm. I got home at around 10 am both days just as DW was leaving foe work with SS15 in tow. Got into a heated discussion about how to make up for the missed time (I'm self employed) and to be honest I just said yes dear and went and laid down. She drops SS off at school 3 days a week (because God Fkin forbid he goes 5 days a week) then drives 25 miles one way to work then has to pick him up at 2pm then drive back to work then home. So 3 days a week she drives over 100 miles a day to accommodate his inability to get along with others and do what the teachers say. She's salary at her job but is about to loose it because of missing SOOOO much time due to SS15. Every time I start to get money saved to move out I end up having to catch her account up. I pay more than half the bills and am sick of paying for her kids shit. I'm just so drained. I finally landed my first big project and am excited. I understand the financial fear of payroll and taxes but I've already met with my accountant and it's taken care of. I'm just at a point that I don't even want to be intimate with her because of the type of parent and person she is and has become. Don't get me wrong, I still bit my lip when I look at her but that quickly fades due all of the stuff that has happened. I'm not going to cheat but I'm just at a loss. I keep woundering if it's possible to be so sick of your partners parenting that you want nothing to do with them in the bedroom. There's nothing like finally having life come full circle and not feeling one bit supported by your spouse. (had my own company before the army. Ex wife and new BDF sold everything off and he knocked her up while I was overseas) the thing is im partly doing this because it will put me in a better financial position to get my own place for my kids and I. Well I'm heading back to bed then I might blow off cleaning out my truck and take my bike for the first ride of the year thats longer than 3 miles. The difference between DW and me is I understand that you need US and ME time but I chose to bring my kids into this world and I enjoy being a dad. I do not ever put my kids before my marriage but I do handle my responsibilities mof being a parent. I don't blame anyone else for my kids bit myself. Sorry for the randomness. Just thoughts pooping in my head this morning. Hope eveyone has a good day today
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Comments
Keep saving
Keep saving so you can get out of this situation.
What are you gong to do when she finally loses her job, are you then going to cover all the household bills while she runs after her little snowflake.
If she runs out money half way through the month, then it's not your job to make up for her lack of budgeting skills
I think it's time. You need
I think it's time. You need control over your own money. You need your own space. I am leaving my boyfriend now over the same things. My SS sounds like your older SS, except mine is still 13 and hasn't figured out all of the awful things he will eventually do. I've already had to deal with the police and CPS over him, at age 12. I am done. I can't have my bios living with this anymore.
He is also supposedly on the spectrum, but they only use it as an excuse when it's convenient. In trouble at school again? "oh,but he is autistic, poor thing", but when I find a therapy camp for him to go to (the only camp that will take him - he's been kicked out of every other camp for behavior), they are angry and offended that I would want him somewhere with "those kids", and they tell him, no, you are " a normal boy, right?". Austistic when convenient.
Get out of the situation. Yes, I love my boyfriend, but no, I have no respect for his parenting at all. I came to the point where I am willing to give up the relationship because I can't live with these skids anymore.
We never did mesh finances though, so that is one advantage for me. We split the household bills, but all my money is separate.
Get your finances separated, get your own place. She might want to still date, but she might not. You have to do what is right for you and your bios though.
Do one thing at a time. Get your own phone plan, put your bios on it. Step one.
Good luck!!!
Frustrated
You hit the nail on the head. When we first got together I took over his school stuff. He started getting all A's and B's and stopped getting in trouble. It took him attacking 2 times and his mom blaming everybody but him for me to disengage from that. Hell I even spent $400 on 2 pairs of football pants and pads and got him on the team. My wife never expected me to get my kids when we got together. My 6 year old was unplanned but the final straw to get me sober. 2 days after checking into the salvation army his mom lost him to Foster care due to a cps investigation on her. I had so many false allegations leveled on me it took me a year and a half and $5 grand in lawyer fees to prove them false and not true. I met my wife at the beginning of this and told her the kind of parent I am and I don't think she believed me. Well after a long court battle and fighting CPS I got full physical custody. The next summer my oldest two came for a visit and basically told me they wernt going back to mom's. All of which I had told my wife about when we first started dating. I don't think she believed me until it happened. By the time my kids moved in I had already disengaged from hers. It only took about 2 months for the bull shit to start. The your kid,my kid bullshit. The down right rudeness by hers directed at mine. Snarky commentary from wife saying "wish there mom would help with money". I about choked hearing that. Her sperm donor hasn't paid shit in 5 years and is in prison again. It took about 3 weeks for my SS to push my daughter and then my son who's the same age hit him sauare in the jaw. My son had never had a fight in his life until then. SS is very obese and uses his size to intimidate people. My son's is 15. 160lbs and 6ft tall, very athletic. I could go on and on but here's the facts. My kids
1. Have all straight A's and son has a 4.0gpa and daughter has 3.9gpa
2. Both do own laundry
3. Both shower EVERY DAY
4.can cook and help me most night as I cook all dinners
5 .son just paid his own way to eourpe this symmsu
6. Say please and thank you,clean up after themselfs.
7. My son's know how not to pee on the floor or the toilet.
8. I make them do chores. They mostly do them without being asked. Hers are told repeatedly and yet still don't.
9. Most of her family don't want hers around and only tolerate them.
That's just a few things. I'm trying to save because unless something drastically changes I'm getting my own place. There is no reason my kids should have to put up with this. Just yesterday my son had to get ready for work. Asked to use my shower and bathroom because hers was using the kids bathroom. Ss walks out and wife says while chuckling "did you pee in toilet and flush it". So I calmly said "some parents teach there boys to pee in the toilet and not on the floor. That's just fucking gross to not hit the toilet. What kid at 14 and 15 can't piss in the toilet". Then I took son to work. That's the battle I'm I'm for every day. OH NOT MY KID. Lol. Hope you have a good day.
Similar Situation
I an living almost the same life as you except my kid is the butthole and my steps, SS and SD are beautiful, hard working, successful people. I'm very proud of them. My BS is loud, messy, lazy and belligerant. It's just his personality. However, he has never ever laid hands on either SD or BD. And if he wants to be lippy to my husband, who has been exceptionally good to him? Well, there's a yard full of dog poop needing to be cleaned, go grab a shovel, big man.
Your wife sounds awful. Just completely wretched. When are you going to stop making excuses and give her and her craptastic wonderbeast 30 days to get the eff out? What you are putting up with right now is teaching your kids what they should accept from a partner. Would you let your daughter date a guy like SS? Your son to marry a woman like your wife?