You are here

Blended family DH, SS 6, BS 9, BD 13

jtriola's picture

my SO does not parent his BS. We have the same custody schedule so we have the kids every other weekend and a few nights during the week. Naturally, i want to be with my kids every day they are my world. I am struggling with my SS. He is an only and spoiled by his BM and grandparents then comes to our house and is loud doesn't listen or follow rules, talks back and if you say anything he doesn't like he cries like a toddler. it's to the point that being around him instantly puts me in a bad mood and I just focus on my own kids. My SO will not discipline him. I don't know how I will make it the next decade like this but also don't want to wish the time away. it makes me sad that i can't enjoy my family because I'm always so frustrated with my SS behavior.

blayze's picture

Do you have a list of posted house rules and consequences for misbehavior? I started there. He’s 6, presumably in school where he has to learn different rules for different places. The house rules are for everyone...the consequences are to hold your man accountable by forcing him to parent.

Chasing10's picture

I know how you feel! I have two BS a 1y/o and 7 y/o and a nearly 5 y/o SS. He is here every w/e and every Friday I have a pit of dread in my stomach over his impending arrival.
Good on you for not wanting to give up! Disengaging is hard, especially with younger children. I have tried so hard to find one redeeming quality to focus on with SS and I can’t do it. He does everything you said you SS does and more! As soon as I see him I’m in a bad mood so I avoid him like the plague and just focus on my DSs.
SO let’s him get away with anything and everything, only recently has he started backing me up when SS is rude to me or doesn’t listen. I’m hopeful that his father stepping in is having some effect as he asked my permission before touching something of mine for the first time ever last weekend! I know how hard it can be to bring up the issues you have with SS with SO, my SO gets incredibly defensive and turns it around on BS7 (BS1 is both or Son). But keep trying! Hopefully he will see the way SS acts and step up. It took SS saying he was going to set my bed in fire and I would be dead for my SO to finally have my back a little.
It’s not fair that SS puts you in a bad mood for your time with your own children. I often find myself sitting there on a Friday afternoon panicking, asking myself is this how it’s going to be for the next 20 years?? What if when he’s older he asks to move in with us?? What if something happens to his mum and he’s forced to live with us?? And I’m just filled with dread.
Step parenting is hard!! I’m only just starting to come to terms (after joining this website) that instead of putting all the blame on SS I have to get SO to step up and parent his own damn child! And at the end of the day he is not mine, I will do what is needed for him to return to his BMs alive and well but no more than that. That is his dad’s job. I look after my own.