Step daughter demeens me
I need help. I am a mother of 2 daughters who love their step dad. We have had problems with my youngest daughte (27) as she has had a hard time accepting her dads death 6 years ago. I have always backed my husband and made sure that my daughter shows us both tespect. I have lost contact with my daughter in 2 occassions due to this. Things are good now. My husband has 2 daughters, his eldest has had no contact for 5 years and the yougest (28) ha shad their ups and downs before i came around. He has been divirced from his first wife for 27 years and his daughter still uses the guilt trip on him. Before i came around he use ti give you anything she wanted (most of the time) because he knew she would be mad and stop talking to him. He had even gone into debt for her.
The problem is thta now he does not give her what she wants and she does not like it. She is always asking for something. She had asked him for moeny for a trip although hse had already been on one and when he pointed this out to her she complained that he had already gone on 2 vacations. She even went so far to tell him that he should have bougt a cheaper house so he could give her money. We finally st down with her and told her to stop asking for money as she works full time and needs ot live within her budget. She said that her dad is supposed to give her money. The problem is she uses all her money for fun then has nothing left for bills. We explained to her that i paid off some of her dads debts from my own money and that her dad did not have money to give her. She said that he should go in debt for her.
She does not like me and thats ok although we have always said that our kids need to respect us. His daughter and boyfriend have no respect for me. They never apologize for things they do or say to me and my husband always makes excuses for them. She always says things to hurt me with mean and nasty remarks. He says he does not want to get in the middle when i want him to talk to her but always gets involved when she cries to daddy. Now it is worse because she has a baby boy and she uses him. Everytime we talk about her we fight. I am tired. When she is not in the picture things are wonderful between us. The only thing that we have problens with is her.
I love my husband but i dont think he sees the imporatnce of having my back with his daughter and this caus s alot of stress between us.
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Comments
You need to kick the bitch SD
You need to kick the bitch SD out of your life. A grownass adult who expects others to fund their life is just too worthless to mess with.
I don’t expect my Dh to protect me from my SS. I take care of that myself. What I do expect is my DH to respect my actions to prohibit any toxic people from my life.
Toxic aholes should ALWAYS be eliminated from your life no matter what their dna connection to you or your spouse.
Notasm3 is right. You have
Notasm3 is right. You have to protect yourself and realize HE is not going to be in your court. He will not have your back, so you do not have his by being around his socially inept adult kids, he never could teach right from wrong. He selectively took his vows to mean he gets an exception from protecting you-- when it comes to his bratty mouthed adults; you have to accept it for the sick mess it is.
You do not have to be abused by anybody, erase these toxic adults out of your life emotionally and every other way. You cannot love those who treat you like this; maybe your husband can, but you cannot. Never be around them, if you are in their presence with a doormat husband, you are part of the problem. Doormat daddeee will likely never change, so YOU have to be the change you desire.
Your obligation to your spouse does not include being abused by toxic people, or his kids, since the shoe fits.
The thing that bothers me is
The thing that bothers me is that we had agreed that if our kids wanted to be in our lives that thye needed to respect us both or they would not be in both our lives. Infullfilled my promise when it was my daughter being disrespectful and lost contact with her for a few months and if he does not do the sam efor me i am not sure our marriage will survive the duration.
Also he has admitted that my daughters treta him better and show him more love than his own, so i dont know what is so hard.
The difference is that his
The difference is that his daughters have NEVER shown him real love. He has been used by them since, I'm assuming, they were young. They use their affection to get what they want. It has nothing to do with caring about their dad and everything to do with bargaining.
Your daughter went through a rough patch due to her father's death and you moving on. My guess is, before that, you two had a good, loving relationship. Rough patches can be fixed when there is a solid foundation. Your DH doesn't have anything to rebuild because a good relationship never existed.
He's grasping because he wants desperately what you have with your kids. Your kids and you shine a very bright light on just how inadequate his relationships are with his kids, and it makes it uncomfortable.
Now, that does NOT mean he should keep up the status quo. That does NOT mean he should allow disrespect. It is, however, why it is more difficult for him to make what you consider an easier decision. You knew, even if it was subconsciously, that your daughter would come back because you had a strong relationship before. Your DH knows that if he pushes, his kids will be gone forever, and that's a lot to lose.
Thank you for your response.
Thank you for your response. Makes a lot of sense and I understand it. You are right with his kids right from the beginning he did things out of guilt if not being there and they used it to their advantage and have continued. I am just not used to that because my daughters were brought up to be self sufficient. I guess I am afraid that if things got really bad and push cane to shove he would make the right decision.
You are also right that my daughter had a hard time with her fathers death and me moving on. Her father took his own life afterbeing in a depression and she still on certain anniversaries has difficulty and gets a little disrespectful.
This last problem with my SD my husband is trying to get together with her to talk about it but she always has a reason that she can’t make it. By the time Christmas comes around she will be back cause there is something for her to gain.