How often should my partner see his DD?
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Just wanting to get some advice on how often my partner should be seeing his DD. We live 2.5 hours drive away from her and the BM is not willing to drive her down to our house herself (not sure why!) My partner generally works away from our home Monday to Fridays (not every week, but most weeks). So how often would you say was reasonable for the DD to come and stay/see her daddy? She is nearly 4.
How often does he want to see
How often does he want to see her?
He didn't choose to have her
He didn't choose to have her (and it was a surprise when BM told him he had a daughter!) But he has been very good about seeing her as much as he can. I just wonder if there is any sort of guideline as to how often a child should see their parent living far away.
Not much, only time he has
Not much, only time he has is EOW, and five hours of pick up and drop off. You have Holiday weeks and summer
You must move closer to DD. That the only was to see her more
We can't move closer to her
We can't move closer to her at this present time. We have only just bought a house where we are and we are doing it up - have years of renovations to do.
BM is not even willing to
BM is not even willing to meet half way?
That is tough, living that far away when she is so young.
BM has a baby of a year, so I
BM has a baby of a year, so I guess it is harder for her to drive. But I do think she should be willing to meet halfway at least. But she won't.
What does the CO say? Before
What does the CO say?
Before the skids lived with us they lived 3 hours away. We still has them EOWE. We had a deal to meet half way so lessen the driving time at night. We still spent 3 hours on Friday and 3 hours on Sunday driving back and forth from the meeting spot.
There were a few occasions BM wouldn't meet and we'd drive all the way or most of the way to get them. Or she'd demand DH give her cash before she'd let the skids out of the car. She only did that a few times because DH would make her come all the way to our house to pick them up. We were driving 95 miles and they were only driving 65 each time.
DH eventually had to get it stated in the CO that they'd meet halfway and that DH was not responsible for her travel costs to keep her from playing games.
There is no CO - BM and DH
There is no CO - BM and DH were never really together - she got pregnant after about six weeks of dating, they agreed she would have an abortion... in the end she didn't, but didn't tell DH, until DD was 3 months old! So it is all very vague. He never wanted a child. But he has done the right thing.
Then get a court order... Is
Then get a court order... Is there a CS order?
It's very easy to get standard visitation. If you can buy a house you can afford an attorney. It can be put in the CO that you either meet halfway or the receiving party does the driving.
I'd make it the receiving party does the driving if i were you. We met half way for years. We'd always spend a good half an hour or more waiting for BM to show up. Once we waited over an hour.
Also, the DD has never lived
Also, the DD has never lived with her father - he was only very briefly together with the BM
Which parent moved away and
Which parent moved away and does the court order on visitation say anything on who transport or how often?
See earlier reply - they were
See earlier reply - they were never together as such, so there is no CO
They have always lived far
They have always lived far apart from each other, they met on holiday
ok, so then how often do you
ok, so then how often do you believe the child should see her father? And does it match how often the father feels he should and desires to?
The father wants to do the
The father wants to do the right thing, but doesn't really want to be an 'equal' parent, he wants to just let her know she has a father. He never said he was going to be an equal parent, right from the start. I think every other weekend would be perfect, and more if he can manage, here and there.
You can have a CO in place
You can have a CO in place for the benefit of the child even if the parents had a one night stand and never saw each other again.
Yes although I suppose you
Yes although I suppose you don't really want anything as formal as that, it is best to arrange it between the parents on an amicable basis if poss! Don't want to start going down legal routes unless we really have to!
Yes, you do want formal,
Yes, you do want formal, legal agreements between parents who don't even know each other. It gives you a document to refer to when things stop being amicable. It's for the protection of the child.
Is this reluctance of an agreement through the courts because of child support?
Everyone seems to be getting
Everyone seems to be getting along fine, now, but there will be disagreements and a CO can be used to settle those disagreements. I would advise that you have something in writing. That would also mean that in the event you do get on a regular schedule, the mother can't just up and move the child further away and leave your DH without any access.
The child is 4, though and hasn't lived with your DH, so I might ease her in to visits. How often does he see her now? Does he drive out and spend the whole day with her? My only concern if I was in your situation would be that you'd drive the kid home and she'd be so unsettled that she'd want to go right back home.
Obviously, the more a child
Obviously, the more a child and their father can see each other the better. The distance makes it a bit tougher, but not insurmountable. Depending on who moved this distance away from the other.. I would expect that person to carry a heavier burden of the travel issues.
I would think that certainly an every other weekend with extended visits a few other times a year like summer and winter breaks would be a minimum amount.
TBH 2.5 hrs is far, but it isn't impossible to manage. He should also try to maintain a more frequent presence by also having some skype/video chats on a regular basis as well. We were anywhere from 2-3.5 hours from BM in our situation and sometimes made that drive every week... depending on schedules. If she could manage to meet you at least part of the way, that might help, but that may need to be prescribed in the CO in order for it to happen.
Adding to ESMOD's post.
Adding to ESMOD's post. Postcards, snapshots, handwritten notes from Dad appearing in the mail are also good ways to bridge the gap. Technology makes it easier through Skype and emails, but try to keep it age-appropriate & simple for the BM to facilitate. In my experience, plain phone calls are hard for kids. There are ways for a parent to stay involved & engaged which do not include what many consider 'traditional visitation.'
You have to make changes if
You have to make changes if you want to see DD. Husband can not be away all week working and working some weekends.
Husband has to find a job where he’s home way more offen. And is off every weekend.
You can’t just say can’t move, can’t find another job, can’t 5 hours to pick up and 5 to drop off.
BM is not going to meet you half way. She is not going to drive 200 miles each week or EOW that a lot of gas and weair on her car
It’s up to you to do something to make this more workable, it’s not going to work like this. You will never get to go to school activities,
Sports, plays,