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What to do? HELP!!

amylynn411's picture

Hello all,

First I would like to thank you for reading my post. Now, to make a long story short I am married to a great man and we have two kids together, 4 yrs and 1 1/2 years old. I also have a step-son that is 10 years old and has been estranged for the past two years due to parental alienation, his ex is very psychotic and she feeds their son information that kids should not hear. His son started getting angry with my husband and then did not want anything to do with us. He stated that my husband was "dead to him". Wow is all i have to say. But,in the meantime my step son has also quit talking to my in-laws and I'm not sure why but before that happened when he he did speak with them all my step son could say is hurtful thinks about My husband, myself and my one child (he as never met his 2nd brother) Now, two years have gone by and now he is starting to re-enter our life. My husband has met up with him a few times within the last months. I am not sure how to re-introduce my 4 year old to my step-son with out confusing him. I need advice. I also, am feeling so much anger and resentment that I cant get my-self to see him and cant imagine what I would do if and when i see him. I dont think i could ever treat or care for him the same. He has said so much hurtful stuff about my son, me and my husband...I just dont know what to do. Any help would be great.

Thank you!

StepMat789's picture

Maybe you should not introduce him until you know he is going to be around. Let your DH spend time with him outside of your family for a while.

twoviewpoints's picture

That's really sad. I'll ever understand why a parent does the PAS thing. These are children and it's so unfair to the child to deliberately try and poison a child against their parent.

I agree, I would not have these first attempts at reconnecting be in your home. You have no idea as to yet, how this little boy is going to behave. What he might say and/or do. No need to expose your little ones to an angry child. Is there any chance of perhaps Dad and his son going to counseling together to discover what all has happened and tools to cope with how to go forward?

marblefawn's picture

Good advice here not to throw your kids into this mix too fast.
Try to remember the PAS thing, which makes SS a victim too, and maybe that will help you tolerate this kid better until you can trust the situation.
Your best route is to show SS by example that all those bad things aren't true, but that will take time. As much as possible, be kind and fair to SS, and don't hold his mom's bad actions against him because that will only reinforce the bad things she said about all of you.
It's going to take a long time to reprogram this kid and undo the damage the mom did to all of you.

Rags's picture

IMHO rather than handling this situation and this kid with kid gloves just dive in. DH too. SS does what he is told when he is told and he is held accountable for complying with reasonable standards of behavior.

DH also needs to quit playing games with BM and tolerating her crap and drag her ass to court under a contempt motion each and every time SS does not show for a visitation. Your ILs can get their time with this Skid on your DH's time.

Catering to BM and the toxic crotch trophy just exacerbates the problem IMHO and causes far more family distress for everyone. Zero tolerance for deviation from the CO and zero tolerance for anything but reasonable behavior from the SKid should be the standing order for DH dealing with this situation.

Good luck.