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Estranged Step-son

amylynn411's picture

Hello all,

First I would like to thank you for reading my post. Now, to make a long story short I am married to a great man and we have two kids together, 4 yrs and 1 1/2 years old. I also have a step-son that is 10 years old and has been estranged for the past two years due to parental alienation, his ex is very psychotic and she feeds their son information that kids should not hear. His son started getting angry with my husband and then did not want anything to do with us. He stated that my husband was "dead to him". Wow is all i have to say. But,in the meantime my step son has also quit talking to my in-laws and I'm not sure why but before that happened when he he did speak with them all my step son could say is hurtful thinks about My husband, myself and my one child (he as never met his 2nd brother) Now, two years have gone by and now he is starting to re-enter our life. My husband has met up with him a few times within the last months. I am not sure how to re-introduce my 4 year old to my step-son with out confusing him. I need advice. I also, am feeling so much anger and resentment that I cant get my-self to see him and cant imagine what I would do if and when i see him. I dont think i could ever treat or care for him the same. He has said so much hurtful stuff about my son, me and my husband...I just dont know what to do. Any help would be great.

Thank you!

fairyo's picture

It sounds to me as if you aren't ready for re-connecting with this boy. Maybe you should just let DH take the lead with this one. Is he keen for all to be back in touch? Your 4 year old is very young and probably has no memory of his step-brother so why not leave this out for a while. I would suggest some sort of family counselling may help- but I think it would be wise to take things very slowly.

amylynn411's picture

Thanks for the reply. My husband has had 5 or so private visits over the past month- and now he is suggesting that he take our 4 year old to have a outside visit with SS as SS has expressed interest is him. Suprisingly my 4 year old will know who he is by a picture...Not sure if this is the right way...and we are taking it slow and i think family counseling is a great idea. Thoughs?

fairyo's picture

I wouldn't be happy about the 4 year old going without you- this is a difficult one, but I think it would help all of them to see you two together. It could work out well, but what are DH's long term plan regarding your SS? I really think there should be frank and open discussion between you and DH over what your expectations will be regarding the visit and any future meetings/visits. Some ground rules now will help any future incursions on your life, and be a way of seeing how things are panning out in a few months/years time. I should certainly make sure DH and SS know that without respect for you and your young ones there can be no future peace.

amylynn411's picture

Thank you so much for the advice. Its such a hard situation and yes I have to agree with you that I should not let him go alone.

Thumper's picture

When the bm begins to show she will be a honest, trustworthy, transparent, EQUAL parent of the 10 year old then the child may have a chance.

When dealing with Pathogenic parenting nothing changes, until the Alienator changes. Many times it does not without proper intervention holding the alienator 100percent accountable.

Any minimal decent parent would NOT support/allow/sit back and throw HANDS in the air and spew its fee fee's to their 10 year old or 20 year old to treat the other bio parent like dirt. When a child is disrespectful to a teacher at school a parent steps IN and corrects, right?

Think about that for a little while.

Sorry to get deep in the weeds with your topic...unfortunately it has depth and needs to be addressed.
NOPE I would not allow my bios' to be near this. NOT until I saw significant change in the parent who did not correct child's behavior.

**be careful with this,,,,do NOT put your bio at risk because YOU feel bad. This situation must prove it'self to be completely fixed first. Could be years from now, maybe never.