Run away and never look back. It will only get worse!

Read the posts on here..then read some more. You need boundaries or you will go mad. He sounds like a disney dad and will only get worse if he keeps letting them turn feral.

Try to imagine them as teens...your life will be caos.

So I'm of two minds on this, but my advice won't really change foe the time being.

A parent's home is a kid's home. If kids live close by and have access to both their homes, they are going to visit both homes, for better or worse. You can't tell your BF that his kids are only welcome on certain days or times to accommodate you, especially if this is the established routine between the parents. If the kids aren't suffering and the parents aren't bickering, their system works and should be left alone.

On the other hand, if the kids coming over is causing the parents to argue, the kids aren't doing their homework and are failing school, and/or the kids are getting in trouble because they visit a parent's house when no one is home, THOSE are problems. That is when the parents need to have set schedules, either based on the CO or some other agreement they mutually come to (if thy are civil).

However, note that no where in here do I mention you, which is the bittersweet reality. Bitter, because you have no say on this (unless it is your house that they moved into or a mutual home you bought together and are therefore responsible in part for). Sweet, because you don't have to continue to live in chaos.

If the current system works, then talk to your BF about establishing a compromise. Maybe he and BM can work it out to where every Tuesday night is yours and every Thursday is hers. Or they alternate weekends where the kida don't come over. It won't hurt the kids to have some rules in place, but I highly doubt they will ever have a set week on-week off schedule, or EOWE visitation. And I don't think parents who live within walking distance ever expect a formal arrangement like that.

If your BF doesn't like that idea, then ask that they give you a warning and set plans with him if they are coming over. I don't know about anyone else, but I lay around naked after work. My SSs would get an eyeful if they just walked in. It's a courtesy for them to let you all know so you can plan a dinner away, and it reinforces to them to hold to their plans. It creates teachable moments for dad about respecting another person's time.

If he is opposed to that as well, then you have to ask yourself if this is the kind of relationship you want. There is nothing wrong, necessarily, in how he is raising his kids, and there is nothing wrong with you not being comfortable living with it. It a lifestyle compatibility indicator that is just as important as whether you both manage money well and fight fairly. Not being compatible doesn't make one of you right and one of you wrong; it just makes you wrong for each other.

Also, you can still date while not living together. There are (were) a few folks on here that were married/dating and lived separately because of how the step kids were being raised. It is an option outside completely ending a relationship.

Really, though, you have to decide if you can live with this if a compromise can't be made. Dad shouldn't have to give up access to his kids to appease his GF, and a GF shouldn't have to give up all her privacy for kids who aren't hers. If there is no middle ground that can be found, then the relationship won't work. It's the sad truth.

The kids live close enough to come and go at will. The current situation works for both parents and the children.

Since you are the only one who has an issue with their routine, perhaps it would be best if you had your own apartment.

Your home sounds similar to mine with SD14, although she does have a schedule it here every Wed/Thurs and every other weekend. We live within 5 min of her mom so the drop ins were becoming constant, and when she was here she would demand that DH run her to her mom's every night, sometimes more than once. I requested she check before dropping in here which led to a meltdown and saying she does not feel welcome. She didn't come over for a few weeks after that, other than a couple times when she needed a ride somewhere or to use our printer. She has started coming over on the schedule again, but if DH does not drop everything to what she is demanding right at that moment, she calls her mom who will go so far as to leave work to pick her up. I am discovering it is not so much the back and forth that bothers me as it is the enormous disrespect that she shows to everyone. One example is Friday, she had gone to a football game, and we weren't sure if she was staying with us that night,she had mentioned going to a friends. DH texted several times with no response, finally she answered, "I am staying at your house, damn!", like he had no right to know what his 14 year old daughter was doing. Then 20 minutes later she needed a ride home, so he better be available or that. I have posted about some of this before as it really gets too much for me to deal with from time to time, but it has helped a ton that DH has started to recognize her behavior and is trying to work on how he handles things. At her age and with having her parents allow her disrespect for years, I am not sure if it will change. I am keeping my foot down regarding checking before she comes over, but with everything else I am trying to stay in the role of casual observer for my own sanity. I am glad your DH is trying to work on things, I think that is huge and hopefully in time things will get better!