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dealing with anxiety/depression in young adult SK - NCP

MineAndYours's picture

How do you support a depressed, obsessed with her bf SD20? DH has has several episodes with SD in the past week with SD20 having issues with clinging too tight to her BF. SD has even admitted to calling her bf 32 times in one work day (7 hours).

Friday past he ended up taking her to the emergency room to speak to a mental health nurse because bf told her he needed space and SD needed help. She called DH screeching that she needed to go to the hospital, which resulted SD on Ativan and a prescription for two different anti-depressants. The mental health nurse told DH that SD20 needs professional help. No kidding.

So after all of this Friday night DH drops SD20 off at BM's house with her grandmother because BM is at work. We get at text from BM at 9 the next morning saying that she just gave SD20 another Ativan and that she isn't to go get her car (DH picked her up the night before from the bf's house) until after 1 pm when DH got off of work.

At 11 SD20 texts DH and says that he doesn't need to give her a ride to the bf's house..the GM is doing it. So off SD20 goes to bf's house where she spends the night.

I don't get it. I know she is 20, almost 21. But if it were my DD, driving my car, I would be furious. But not a word said...not by BM, Sd, or DH. I was very disappointed with DH for not taking a more involved stand on this issue.

I know, I know...not my monkey..not my circus. But the monkey is interfering in my life...even indirectly through DH. There are a lot more details obviously and I could ramble on..but my main question is "How do you support someone like that and steer them toward a more healthy path?" as a NCP and OP.

Any suggestions?

Comments

DaizyDuke's picture

So is this her first boyfriend? I'm guessing not? Is this her first time exhibiting over the top behavior? I'm guessing not? So I'm wondering why BM and DH are suddenly concerned at age 21?? It's a bit late in the game to "steer her to a healthier path" YKWIM?

MineAndYours's picture

It's not her first boyfriend. The last boyfriend break up (last year) resulted in a trip to the emergency room as well due to BM's concern over her mental health. Again the pills and statement that therapy was needed, and the next night out to the bar with her friends. There was no follow though on either parents' part that time either. BM does have full decision making with regards to medical issues but DH is pretty much an ostrich when it comes to voicing his opinions to BM or SD. Drives me crazy.

But it does seem like lately the emotional outbursts are more frequent and over small things. Well things that shouldn't trigger an outburst in a stable person.

Ninji's picture

How does BM have full decision making for an adult regarding medical issues?

MineAndYours's picture

Well obviously not now as SD is 20 but did when she was a minor.

BM does have full decision making over the rules in her house where SD lives, and the car which SD drives while adjusting to taking Ativan and her other new meds.

moeilijk's picture

The thing with emotional outbursts is that once they're over, they're over. It's like my 3 yo having a tantrum (although, she doesn't really because we help her with her emotions, but that's not the point I'm making now, lol). I'm sure in the moment, SD20 really is out of control, over the top, in the grip of emotions so intense she's absolutely overwhelmed.

Normal when you're 3.

At 20, the fact that there is no follow up from anyone NOW, when that behaviour has ER nurses saying she needs help.... I wonder if she got the guidance she needed at age 3 about how to understand and control herself.

Life does not need to be this dramatic.

MineAndYours's picture

I'm guessing no. From my observations since being with DH, both SD's have very seldom been told no and BM gives them everything they want and can do what they want.

It just drives me crazy because I'm a doer... I would be on SD20 and the therapist for that appointment like crazy.

DaizyDuke's picture

right? wtf happened to Ben and Jerry's and a box of Skittles? When SD19's BF broke up with her last summer, she quit her job, called and text him 1.7 zillion times, had her friends calling and texting him 1.8 zillion times. But they are back together and getting an apartment in a few days.. so maybe being a psycho works in some cases? :?

MineAndYours's picture

I'm just wondering if this is the case? I'm not even sure how we should acting around her now. Sympathetic...or a bit of tough love thrown in..who knows? DH says one thing to me...but acts the opposite towards her. Makes me uncomfortable around her because I can't coddle the way they do.

onwednesdayswewearpink's picture

Right?! Or going out and trying to drown your sorrows on another d***.

hereiam's picture

She called her BF 32 times in ONE workday? Talk about needy and co-dependent. And who knows what else.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

SD21 is obsessed with every BF she has ever had. After all, she NEEDS a man to be complete!! (Per BioHo.)

She lives every single emotion on FakeBook. You can tell when she's happy, sad, ticked off, looking for a new bf, every bloody activity she does with the bf, posts a zillion 'when we're married' and 'our house' and 'our children' and 'the dog/furniture/food' we need', a gazillion 'me and bf' pics every week, the agony of breaking up and how 'he never really loved me' whines, and a billion-gazillion posts/pics/blogs about 'I'm a child of divorce and here's what's *wrong* with me and why you should be nicer/more loving/etc.. with me'. Gads.

MineAndYours's picture

BM is trying to blame it on the divorce and how SD doesn't have her father all the time. SD has expressed to DH that she feels that he doesn't love her in one of her outbursts. DH has told SD repeatedly she has to spend more time with him in order to get over that feeling. DH asks his kids to do things all the time and mostly they are busy, going out with friends, etc.

I'm just not sure how to encourage DH with this. HE isn't sure how to help her. It's stressful.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Ha, BioHo does the same bloody thing!! Consequently, SD21 is aaaaaaaaaall over the place about being a child of divorce and how it's BROKEN her. Blah, blah, blah... IMHO, part of it is because she WANTS to play the victim.

She's half in love when a guy asks her out. She's all the way in love after the first date. Within a month, she's all over the "our house" and "our kids". Her boyfriends last MAYBE 3 months. The only one who lasted longer (14 months) was Troglodyte - he truly DID want to marry her, but she decided he was too stupid to be the father of her children. (Which was a relief because he showed signs of a classic abuser.)

MineAndYours's picture

I think playing the victim is a part of it IMHO. BM has been doing it for years, claiming she is carrying the burden of raising the Skids (because they chose to live with her full time) while DH got to "live the life" without the responsibility of his kids.

I believe that SD20 is carrying over from this as she is now a victim that she doesn't feel DH's love.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I know men AND women who thrive on 'victim' status. Quite pathetic, IMO.