First Timer.... New Stepmom
Brand new here... Forgive me if i use the wrong lingo 
I am not one to post on ANY sort of forum but I am at a loss and need to vent BIG TIME!
I am newly engaged to be married to an amazing man who is already father to a 3 year old girl... i also have 2 of my own from a previous relationship. Before our engagement he had hinted to BM that this was going to happen and she warned him if he followed through she would be moving way and taking his daughter with her.
Since their split they have had joint custody but nothing had gone through courts, was just agreed between the 2 of them. Well fast forward to now and we have been served with a plethora of legal documents - her wanting full custody, more child support, all legal rights for the child including having possession of Passport which we currently have. ALSO papers that state she is looking to relocate 5 hours away! She has fully denied us any access to the daughter until we comply with her demands, which we haven't done as she wants us to sign a document from her Legal Aid lawyer with some outrageous requests.
She is an incredibly vindictive, bitter woman. Her and my fiance were never married and were together for a very short time. Have been split for over 3 years now. I don't know exactly what she has against the 2 of us together but she has made it a point to "win", she even through out the Domestic Violence term in her court papers. She is out for blood.
How do i deal with this?? Also what are the chances of her actually retaining full custody and moving away? Has anyone had a similar experience?
Thanks for any and all input!!
Get a good lawyer. Expensive,
Get a good lawyer. Expensive, but worth it in these types of situations.
Yes we have already hired a
Yes we have already hired a lawyer and expect it to be costly.
The more you pay the better
The more you pay the better your chance of getting a fair deal. My DH got a female lawyer and paid 5K the first go around and he came out with primary custody in a pro BM parish that usually only gives Dad's EOWE and a boat load of child support. I don't know where you are but you can usually find out reviews or people's experiences with the judges in your family court area and gauge what to expect from there. The best advice I can give you is to ask for more than you are willing to settle for so you can negotiate down and once he gets custody papers to sign take an extra day to read them, then reread them again the following day. The more specific the order is, the better the chances of reducing future arguments. (Drop off times, drop off places, drop off people, when holiday visitation starts, when it ends, school areas, payments for extra curriculars, co-pays, school fees and other expenses, when summer starts, when school starts, who has spring break week, who has thanksgiving week, etc) Its overwhelming but its better to do it now then spend the next years arguing over different interpretations.
We did secure a female laywer
We did secure a female laywer as well and paid 5k up front and expect to pay more on top of that. She did advise us also to ask for more and negotiate down from that. We are going to have to hash the the minor details because up until now it has been us doing all drop offs and pick ups. She doesn't try whatsoever to help with any of that and expects us to do it all. She has also asked that i have ZERO involvement going forward and cant drop off or pick up daughter.
Will all of those extras been on the final court documents when judge makes decision? Are these decisions made between the mom and dad or will a judge step in? I cant see her agreeing to anything that we request.
If you live in California,
If you live in California, they often refer the parties to court mediators/evaluators to interview the parents (and sometimes step parents) and provide the court with custody recommendations.
Good job on lawyering up, and I agree with the other post, the more specific the order, the better. Expensive up front, but saves a lot of money getting jacked around in the future.
When they split they did
When they split they did attempt to do mediation but mother wanted everything and they couldn't agree. I would LOVE if we could agree to something but unfortunately just don't see that happening due to mothers stubbornness and her strive to win.
Located in BC, Canada.
Then I think Maxwell's advice
Then I think Maxwell's advice is spot on, especially given the age of the child. Nailing down a court order that covers explicitly every avenue of fuckery the BM could use to be controlling or difficult in the future will seem painful and costly now, but will spare years of wrangling and uncertainty in the future. Once you get an agreement/order, follow it religiously. See if you can get some language in there that requires a legitimate change of circumstances to seek modification or cost of litigation to be paid by person seeking an unwarranted modification (hard to get sometimes, but worth asking for).
Absent proven abuse or neglect, no one parent gets to say my way or the highway and most family courts understand it is in the best interest of the child to have access to both parents as equally as circumstances allow.
Thank you All! We will make
Thank you All! We will make absolute sure that we nail down all the minute details in the order... i do not want to be in and out of court until shes 18!
At this point it doesn't look as though we will be getting her before trial which is scheduled for the end of Aug. She is being unusually more difficult and is refusing us any time with his Daughter.
Our attorney says its unfortunate but that it will look good for us when we appear before the judge. Judges have low tolerance for parents who refuse the other parent time with the child.
How do you and your FDH deal
How do you and your FDH deal with this? Unlimited warfare. That is how you deal with it. You get an attorney and nail her ass to the wall for everything possible including criminal charges where applicable. I would immediately have your FDH file kidnapping charges against BM and blackmail charges for withholding the child while expecting some return for doing it.
I am sure our legal professional members would take issue with my thoughts on this but... the point is to destroy her and leave her twitching in the gutter rather than tolerating her crap.
No quarter... ever.
She has proven herself to be reprehensible so treat her accordingly and do what you can to protect that little girl from the shallow and polluted end of her own gene pool.
Ohhh i like how you think...
Ohhh i like how you think... that is obviously the only way its just going to cost a FORTUNE.
We are on week 4 without seeing his daughter and BM goes as far as saying "ohhh she doesn't miss you even a little bit. Shes doing great without you and is her cute happy little self. Your a loser dad, she doesn't need you."
She wants full parenting rights and custody but still wants her full CS. She sickens me.
She is such a vile person and she will turn her daughter against the both of us. She has already taught her to call me names and shes only 3!!
She is trying to break him and lately its working. This is affecting all aspects of our relationship!