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My very first post.

Lissie's picture

I've been reading this site for years...it's had some great advice. My situation is nowhere near as bad as many people on this site, but I'm just....over it. It is just a steady, unrelenting resentment and annoying way to live. Today I went for a walk and just kept thinking about how I have nearly run out of tolerance. My ss is 16, so not much time to wait until he launches....but I'm not sure I have the tolerance even for that short two years.
Thanks to everyone for their support, even though you didn't know you were giving it to me!

thinkthrice's picture

Sadly, SS may never launch if he has been coddled/spoiled/guilt-disney parented... Something to think about.

Lissie's picture

Yes, I know....I am, thank god, in the fortunate position of owning my own house ( I rent it out) and having a job. I've made it clear to SO that if his man baby is still here the day after he turns 18, then I will not be. I think it is looking pretty likely to be sooner. Just can't stand the laziness, selfishness and lies. And filth. He has to be forced to have a shower, and threatened to have his phone removed before he will get into the bathroom. Disgusting. And we have him full time BM is overseas. Makes me just want to run away.
Then I read posts on here and think I'm not in such an awful place as some others.....keeps me sane.

CANYOUHELP's picture

So true, and even when he does...you can bet...you still will have SS around, in some shape or form with bigger adult issues.

kaybee82's picture

Right? As if at 18 skids are bestowed with all the knowledge the rest of us had to grow up to get. How much can this kid make at 18? Minimum wage? Enough to cover their needs? Not likely.

I am 35 and we are living with my mother in law because my husband lost his job. If we at 35 and 39 with degrees and experience are struggling, i can't imagine expecting a kid to manage.

not your momma's picture

This! I never expected my older skids (SS24 and SS20 - they were 14 and 18 when I came along) to just disappear at 18. For me, my only expectation was that they be gainfully employed and be on their way to learning how to be a responsible adult. SS24 was successful at that and is now out on his own. SS20 still hasn't figured it out, and was also not able to respect the rules or people in the house, so DH told him to make other living arrangements. He lives with BM1 now and is, at least, working.

SD18 is leaving for college in August and will probably not be back after that. I know her well enough to know that she will launch straight from there. SS16, well...he'll probably be the one living in the basement at 40. And I don't mind that, as long as he's employed and contributes to the household.

Loxy's picture

I was just having this conservation the other day with DH expect he had the unexpected position of expecting his own kids to be moving out when they finish high school (ie are 18) and I was really surprised as that's a big ask if they are going on to university (which I think at least one of my skids will). I live in Australia and the cost of living here is one of the highest in the world so living out of home as a uni student is very tough.

I think the better way to approach it is to ensure you don't make it to comfortable at home ha ha. My SD12 asked me the other day if she could get a double bed and I said no way - if you want one you pay for it yourself. She asked why and I said because if we buy you one then you will never move out of home when you're older and probably also want your boyfriend to stay over all the time ha ha.

So in our house there will be strict rules. If they go onto uni they need to get a part-time job and support their own social life. They also need to contribute to the cost of the first car. They will also need to help around the house and do all their own washing etc. Partners will not be able to stay over all the time and as soon as they start working full-time they pay board.

Lissie's picture

I'm still sticking with 18. At 18 he can live in some kind of hostel, share house arrangement, and he can deliver pamphlets door to door, maybe get some labouring work. There is no doubt that only having this kind of work will mean he has a very restricted life that is boring and a struggle. But I believe in people being given what they ask for. There are plenty of people who live like this....they survive. From my point of view, he and SO have been warned and warned and warned, and subsidised and supported. At 18, if SO wants to keep babying his kid, fine. But not me. 18, off he goes, or I go.

CLove's picture

In my case, it was "when she turns 18 and graduates high school, things will be different." I never expected her to magically disappear. (This would be unrealistic, as shes a barnacle child, and has been enabled to the point of being disabled.) I did expect more expectations to be in order - room clean every day, do your own dishes, help out with cooking, cleaning, taking care of the household. I was told that a job would be required, and rent paid.

Of course, this was too much to expect. Nothing is done to help within the household, and no rent is being paid. Winona has a VERY part time job and attends summer classes at the community college every day, so its nice that she is not around much of the time. She still is allowed to eat in her room. Still leaves dirty dishes. Still has a bad attitude. Asks for money every day. 18 is definitely not the magic number it has been made out to be.

ChiefGrownup's picture

I feel my tolerance has gotten thinner and thinner now that the clock is running out, too.

Keep posting -- we all need all the support we can get!

Lissie's picture

Thanks everyone! I posted last night because I had a particularly awful night (wouldn't do chores, and then SO angry because I told him off) and I pointed out that if he didn't trust me enough to discipline his darling, why was he going off to nightshift leaving him under my care? So I finally decided to post.

Lissie's picture

I wrote a very pointed email that he read while at work. Now I'm at work. And going out to eat after. And then a movie. Doesn't look like I will be back before he needs to go to work himself. Men seem to react better to no contact than they do to discussing a problem. I've always found that pretty childish, but there you go....

Lissie's picture

SS just got his school results. Has passed two, and failed six, subjects so far this year. Just total laziness.