You don't have to get out right now, but I would have an honest, open, direct and respectful conversation with him about it. However, people rarely change, so what you are seeing is likely what you will be getting.

My husband has made it clear from day one that we became an item that he and I are a team. He made this clear to his daughters, his family, everyone. He backs that up with consistent action proving his point. For instance, his mom's 80th Surprise Party is the first time he introduced me to everyone. His 24 year old daughter was raising flack, "Dad, do you think she should come to that?" He said flat out (I heard him), "I love you kiddo, but you don't get to tell me who I can bring to what. She's my girlfriend, she is coming." His daughter also said in that same conversation, "WEll, dad, I will always be friends with (ex girlfriend)." He said, "I don't care. Go ahead, just leave me out of it."

She was very icy when I first met her but warmed up quick. We haven't had issues since. At her wedding I was given a flower and got to sit in the front with all the other parents/boyfriends/girlfriends/steps. (It was a double wedding so a lot of parents)

Anyway -- your boyfriend isn't showing great teamwork here so far. I am sorry. I know that he likely has other great traits you love, but he is giving you a glimpse at how things will go if he doesn't start addressing them now.

RUN!!!! two mini wives!!

Well, it's easier to get out after dating a year, than being married for 20, as some women have put up with the disrespect that long.

My husband knows his daughter is not perfect and he does not, and never has, put up with any disrespect from her. He will call her out in a heartbeat and she knows it. He has no illusions about her being a perfect princess. Not when she was 5, and not now that she's 25.

I'd say at this stage, with your BF's daughters being adults and him thinking they are perfect, it will never change. He will never stand up to them, for you.

Not the smart ones.

Good father's/husband's do not always side with their daughters over their wife, no. It does absolutely nothing good for their daughters OR their relationship with their wives.

Before you have a remote inkling to take the relationship to the next level, read the book "Step Monster."

In addition to that, the dynamic you are describing is hardly new. One SD will likely not be happy that daddy's resources - time and money - are shared with a New Family Intruder. When there is more than one SD it is even worse because they feed off of each other.

The dynamic is worse when the girls are daddy's princesses. My SDs are both in their 40's. One is a daddy's princess - very histrionic, dependent, has to be the center of of attention all the time. DH still feels like he needs to protect this poor wounded middle aged child, although she is married with children. We blended like oil and water. YSD was always in OSDs shadow growing up and we get along better. She is independent, has a life, and what her father is doing is not a top priority. But even so, her older sister can still drag her into the muck of jealousy and drama.

However, the most important concern is not their behavior - it's your SO's. Does he acknowledge your feelings or just brush them off? Are your feelings important? If he does not acknowledge your concerns and he is not willing to put a boundary around your relationship, then you have a lot of heartbreak ahead. These girls are young adults; there are many more family functions and grandkids to prioritize. Where will you fall in?

My DH and I have had several years of discussions about why DH's act the way they do regarding their children. Two reasons we agree on:

- how his kids turned out is a reflection of DH. He and his male ego do not want to admit that his child might not be a nice person.
- DH wants to make sure he still has access to the gkids, which a skid knows is big time leverage.

There's two other factors I think are important, although my DH disagrees with these:

- the most important thing to most men is his own comfort and convenience. They don't want you - or their children - ruffling their feathers.
- Wives/girlfriends are replaceable; children are not. If they ruffle their children's feathers and then get divorced later, they have nothing.

Don't make any fast decisions. Read the book I suggested. Then see if your SO will read it. If he's not interested in reading it, then he's an automatic goner. If he does read it, then have some discussions with him about topics in the book....that will show you if you can live with his perspective.

Winona SD18 has been the cause of many arguments between SO and I, only because as I have recently realized he refuses to parent. He provides, but he does not parent.

Is your SO their best buddy? He needs to step back and be their parent not the BFF.

It is EXTREMELY common for parents of a broken family to become defensive when you point out flaws in their Perfect Snowflake DNA Spawn(s). Fathers, mothers, there is no distinction between them really, these entitled brats will ALWAYS be the cause of these types of issues, because the parents do not parent, causing friction within the new person, spouse or otherwise in their life. These kids don't need to listen to you, be your friend, share anything with you and if they are older, they can shun you if they want to. That right there sais a ton about their parenting/lack therinof.

Society has made us out to be the lesser human being, the evil "step" monster, especially women. Girls are made out to be cool if they are a "daddys" girl. Our world seems to swing on both sides of the pendulum on this issue - you have the US who glorifies the children above the parents, and then you have countries and cultures that vilify them. In other words, it feels like you just cant win.

In my experience, after about 2 1/2 years plus in this situation, I am at my ropes end. SO and I just had an argument whereby his eldest was just told that her room at BM's apartment was being given to her younger sister Munchkin SD11. So then she tells Munchkin that she "ruins everything", the next morning when she finds herself being asked to babysit for the day. When I told him of this, he launched into a tirade, and lashed out at me, dredging up everything he could think of. I had to yell at him to "STOP", and then get off the phone. That whole day was ruined, and I just stared at him the entire evening. I simply have no more words.

And I am having a miserable time of it, because he doesn't want to hear about his daughter being a mean b!tch, the same one I have had verbally abuse me in the near past (Last October), and the same one who has caused many tears and anger in the past few years. And frankly she is not worth it, is not concerned about it, and I am really seriously super done. It sounds like these daughters are not worth it also. Shunned by them - you are worth more than that.

So - you will not change things, they will not change overnight, this is what your life will be if you stay with this man. It could change - the daughters could turn on him and then he wont be as blind to their ways, but I doubt it.

Good luck, and sorry - I am in a bad mood today.

Yes. Usually a father will side with his daughter. It is instinct. To protect. This is why 65%-75% of all 2nd and 3rd marriages end in divorce.
The wives and girlfriends end up so jealous, they can't handle it. Conflict, friction, expectations result and no one ends up happy- not the dad not the mom and definitely not the kids- no matter how old they are. Cant compete with blood relations, too painful for most to bear, so they split. Not sure women are designed to play 2nd best to kids from prior marriages. I think you'd have to be a fool to think this is a recipe for a happy life.

In my case..nope..it gets worse. If he is a weak ass, scared shitless of BM and has no balls..then nope..he will never put you first. Ever.

Until I got with SO, I never believed this shit existed. Mini wives..emotional incest..vicious, bitter BM, was mind boggling. Talk about becoming a nervous wreck with anxiety and just losing yourself along the way.

Unless your bf completely supports you and gets his kiddos to treat you with respect, nothing will change. Took me 5 years to open my eyes. Thats 5 years too long.

IT's not going to end and it will always be like this... even when there's grand children...

you have 2 options in this relationship,

1. Accept it and disengage, wait your turn for the rest of your life and never say anything bad abut the girls, never attend holidays with them and never have a Christmas day with BF is he spends it with his family...

2. End the relationship and move on to some one who values you as an important part of their life, who will take your feelings into consideration and treat his adult children as adults. (Listen to your own kids, they do not wear rose colored love glasses they see the truth.)

soccermom

You ask, Do fathers always take daughters' sides over gf or wife?

My answer to you is no.

Point is my x dh. When I contact him about something which required attention he respects my concern, truth and honestly. He knows I am not nitpicky or petty. My keen sense of awareness rarely fails me.

About my current DH---same thing.

Thankfully I married men who do not wear blinders. Unfortunately I have read and heard some parents that do.

Inherently we are all wired to protect our kids from harm. There is a fine line between protecting and being so darn gullible/naïve that you can not see what is really going on. THER IS A BIG DIFFERENCE.

An example of this may be you smell pot coming from your ss bedroom. YOU know it's pot. You tell DH--DH knocks on the door "because the kid deserves privacy, (mistake number 1) opens the kids door and the kid has already hid the stash and sprayed Glade.

Dad turns around and tells you.......Uhhhh, I didn't smell pot it was Glade.

Another example. SD has walked into your bedroom and used your shower, makeup and leaves the bathroom a total mess. You tell DH--please ask daughter to use other bathroom and DO NOT use your makeup. Dh shrugs it off---isn't she cute, she just wants to feel included in our family BABE. Daughter tells me she is afraid you don't like her-----let her feel at home..........BABE.

NOT all men do this. They respect the marriage and what marriage means.

I think men and women may do this out of fear the kids wont 'like them'. That is a huge problem with the current 20,30 and 40 year olds.

JMO of course.

You only have a year in, you could go now and it would not matter. I promise. -- things I wish I could say to my past self--

Anyway, he must have had them part time. Sounds like guilty daddy, my SO is exactly the same even with his own kids. Harder on his son than his daughter. Way different expectations. Even though they are both spoiled.

Soccermom80, My DH was very similar to your BF when we began dating, a lot of men bury their heads in the sand and think it's just a time thing, his favourite saying whenever there was an issue with his DD was "give it time". We did talk about the issues and discussed our future together. Whilst he wanted me to move in and marry him, I made it clear that was not going to happen whilst his DD lived with him and was so enmeshed in his life, she needed to grow up, have her own life and be a fully functional independent woman, he needed to stop enabling her. Fortunately he agreed and set about making that happen. I'm not saying after a few conversations it was suddenly roses, but my DH will not tolerate his children treating anyone including me disrespectfully, he pulls them up when they are out of line, he definitely puts our marriage before his adult children, and don't get me wrong on this, if they need his/our support , he gives it, but he is not a doormat or a bank, he knows their faults, we managed to get all 3 steps into their own homes within 2 years of us dating and have been happily married for 4 years. So yes it can work, there will always be issues with blended families and I disengaged from the SD 2 years ago, the most important thing is how you as a couple deal with issues together, you must have clear plans/goals and be realistic, it's never going to be like the Brady Brunch.

After ten years with my DH, and putting up with his now 34 y/o daughter, I firmly believe it is better to be a man's daughter than a man's wife. If I could turn back time, I would. Just as someone posted that wives/girlfriends are replaceable, so are husbands/boyfriends. Now that she is pregnant, there will be more leverage. Run!