:jawdrop: no no no - ignore BM - there's no reason to talk to her, you do not have children with her... DH needs to set up boundaries and tell her, she's not allowed into your house, she can wait in the car.

Oh Hon, I feel like saying... post pone the marriage till this is sorted

Hi Wishful... sorry you are going through this mess. It sounds pretty terrible.

You sound like you have been taking the "high road" for a long time making sure as best you can that your skids BM is comfortable despite the fact that it appears she either a) goes out of her way to make you uncomfortable or b) is too clueless to think about the fact that her behavior and/or topics of conversation make you uncomfortable.

The good news is that it appears your fiance is largely supportive of you and your feelings and is only guilty of being moderately clueless when his ex- purposefully manipulates him.

A few comments on your proposed plan of action:

1) Absolutely keep the doors locked. Also, don't be surprised if BM starts arriving to a locked door at planned visitation times she might show up at UNPLANNED times. I had to do this after awhile when my adult SS would show up unannounced and just let himself in. No problem with showing up just please announce yourself when you come into my home (which it sounds like is the same respect your asking of BM). BTW, you are more polite than I...
Items 2) and 3)... it sounds like this lady is trying to upset you or at least get a "rise" out of you. Why not just say "that's nice" and calmly leave the room.
4) Since "OH knows now that..." should this even be a topic she would bring up? My position on that would be "talk to him if XYZ concerns you".

For fear of sounding like a bitch (I am) you might be too nice to this woman who clearly doesn't care about your feelings... or not enough to change her own behavior.

She's taking up much more space in your mind than she deserves!

OMG! Your SO is part of the problem because he is the one that hasn't set boundaries with BM. I sure as hell wouldn't allow BM in my home. She isn't allowed on my property unless she is just picking up the skids and even then she stays in the car because of some events that took place and she cannot be trusted. You need to have your SO set boundaries with BM before you even think about getting married. You do not have to be uncomfortable in your own home. DH needs to simply tell BM that she does not just walk into your house and or show up to your house unannounced for that matter. BM is doing all of these things because she can! Is it up to your SO to stop her.

don't say anything to her that would be you staking your territory. keep silently locking the door. say nothing like your past is not appropriate for me to discuss, or you are not allowed in my man's car, nothing like that. your dh is the one who needs to grow a backbone and just tell her NO, mean it, and leave it at that.

as far as the birthing of the babies, why don't you have some fun with it? ask her all the totally intimate details, make HER uncomfortable bringing it up. you can do that with her stories of the past as well - make HER squirm. it'll be fuuuun... }:)

How about "I'm SO glad it will be a little while before we have beautiful babies together... hubby tells me that its never NEARLY as good sleeping with a woman who has had babies..."

Don't say a word to the BM. Just purge her from your life as much as possible and let her know that she is not welcome on your property. She can wait at the curb when picking up and dropping off the kids.

Make no mistake. She did not put him this position... he did that all on his own. They are divorced, his commitment and loyalty is not to you. His interface with her needs to be minimized and kept at a kid issue only level.

Is there a CO?

oh ok I was just curious because if a CO was in place then there would be a set schedule for visitation etc.

Greetings Wishful. I too have a BM with MAJOR boundary issues. She used to text SO after drinking, sexually suggestive (what he called) zingers. I found out when I happened to check out his buzzing phone, and threw major hissy. She stopped.

Also, about a month ago, she was dropping of Munchkin SD10, whom we leave the door open, because its early when BM leaves for work, and she became really upset at something random, so she thought it a good idea to burst into our home and yell at us, and call us names.

She hasn't done that since. But, yes, she will text early in the morning during our snuggle time, she has made inappropriate comments on Facebook, because we have common friends.

Keep the peace, but don't be a doormat! Shut those trips down memory lane down quickly. I read a fabulous post the other day, by a member who goes by "peacekeeper", and it really stuck with me. The gist of it is that it is appropriate to "honor the past, but not worship the past, not LIVE in the past." That's all Ive got.

Congrats on your soon to be wedding in 18 days.

As owner/renter of your home YOU decide who is invited inside or not. You are not under any obligation what so ever to talk with his ex OR have anything to do with her.

Didn't you know that???

Was your soon to be husband court ordered to allow entry of his ex into YOUR home? Were you?
Please take care of your home, your privacy, your marriage, your social media, your email ...everything. YOU owe her nothing not even an acknowledgment if you do not want to.

best wishes.