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SS refusing to go to BM's?

mentalmama24's picture

Not sure if I posted about this before but the issues have resurfaced and am needing input/advice. We have always had issues with SS not wanting to go to BM's but it seems to be getting worse as he gets older. He will cry, scream, run away, and it typically ends with BM calling the police. DH and I both know why he doesn't want to go (there is a lot of hitting, yelling, and worse going on at BM's) but theres nothing we can do about it - visitation is court ordered. And yes, SS is in therapy for all of this. I guess my question is what should we (DH) do about it? Visitation exchanges are public and it's in the court order that BM is not allowed to come to our car because of her violent tendencies and altercations that have occurred in the past. SS has conveyed to his therapist that he feels helpless about the situation because DH and I can do nothing to help him. He's even had nightmares of killers and monsters coming after him and DH and I are just standing there not helping. His therapist explained that this is most likely due to him feeling as if we can do nothing to help him. Because of this DH refuses to put his hands on SS, and by put his hands on him I mean he refuses to pick up SS and drag him to BM's car. I know that that seems to be the simplest fix but I know DH's heart is torn when he sees his son hurting like this and he just refuses to do it. Any thoughts? :/

mentalmama24's picture

SS is 6, and yes theres a lot of abuse going on at BM's house. This was part of the reason why DH was awarded primary legal and physical custody, but BM still gets visitation, unfortunately. We have filed a police report and called CPS numerous times and they have all come back unfounded. SS' therapist AND doctor both called CPS and again nothing. BM has five kids from four different dads, and two of the other dads called CPS, as well as an ex boyfriend and her mother, and again nothing.

mentalmama24's picture

He comes home with new bruises and cuts after almost every visit. The pictures were submitted to CPS but again the case was closed and unfounded. He sees BM every Wednesday evening and every other weekend Friday through Sunday.

Maxwell09's picture

I think the kid should be forced to visit NCP until they are both over the age the courts start to consider their opinion AND if the child is sure enough in his decision that he can tell his mom himself why he won't visit. If he isn't "old" enough to be honest about going to visit then he isn't old enough not to be made to go.

mentalmama24's picture

I do agree that SS is too young to make certain decisions for himself. However, he has directly told BM that he is scared to be at her home, and that he is scared of getting hit by her, her boyfriend, and the other people at her home.

mentalmama24's picture

I didn't think that this was enough to ask for supervised visitation. I've heard that it's really difficult to get supervised visits and DH and I are broke from the two and a half year custody battle. We're scared to try and end up wasting money.