New User Big Issue with Dishonesty Please Advise
Please excuse me if this is a question that has already been asked, but I am upset and seeking answers.
Some beer was found in one of the kids rooms, and they blamed the step sibling (my child). I know the story happens to be untrue because I saw the beer in the room before my child was home from travel. So, I know my stepchild's not telling the truth. The problem is that my spouse has trouble believing this. He says be believes my child, but yet he thinks his own child would NEVER lie to him.
The bottom line is that I know his child is being untruthful, and it bothers me that he is choosing to ignore facts, and it disturbs me to see that his child would willingly try to smear my child's name.
I have comfort that I know the truth, but incredible discomfort that my spouse's child is vindictive to the point of making up an entire story where my child is the culprit and that my husband is disinclined to doubt that his child would ever lie is very frightening to me.
Where do you go from here? None of the kids are here now as they are with their other parent, and his child is adamant that the beer belonged to my child.
We do not keep alcohol in our
We do not keep alcohol in our home. What do you recommend doing with a head in the sand spouse, please?
I am sorry for your struggles
I am sorry for your struggles with this issue. I don't think my husband wants to see because then he has to acknowledge some unhappy truths where his children are concerned. He'll never ban them from the home.
There have been ongoing
There have been ongoing issues with his kids indulging in this behavior for years, and I have learned the hard way that my trying to get involved or intervene never works, and it all becomes my fault. I know that he does periodic checks of their belongings, so I hoped it would be discovered by him. The child in question is 19, so it is an awkward position.
Heavenlike, I completely
Heavenlike, I completely agree with you! It's a case of shoot the messenger, and liking any attention drawn to any faults of his children or himself. We all know its there, but he doesn't want to talk about it. I know it is not worth speaking up. The parents pay lip service to the behavior being bad, but when push comes to shove they never do anything about it. Never punish, never withhold money. If I point this out he goes into offensive mode. It is a waste of time, and me saying something changes nothing.
The step kids have their own issues. My concern is the hostility towards my child.
I am sorry that have had to
I am sorry that have had to deal with this crazy too. Thankfully, the kids are older, so there is no babysitting. We have been married five years now, and there is still this knee jerk reaction towards anything that is said to be supportive of or favoring his children. He usually will acknowledge later that the behavior was not rational, but makes no attempt to get the impulse in control. This was the first instance where there was a choice of who is telling the truth situation, and it concerned me that I did not have his support. It causes me worry about the future. I feel as if they could say anything to him and he will flat out believe it, where as I do not occupy that same level of trust. I have done nothing for him not to trust me, but feel as if he has a skeptical stance on anything I say regarding his child.
This is where dated photos
This is where dated photos can help. Next time... take a pic of the item with a time and date stamp and roll it out to DH in a timely manner. Or.... better yet... while the Skid is lying their ass off about it.
I twitch when I hear a parent say "my kid would never lie to me".... bullshit. That same parent undoubtedly lied their butt off to their own parents on many occasions.
Lies are a big issue with me
Lies are a big issue with me as well. Over the 2.5 years I have been with So, I have seen SD17 continually lie and lie and lie some more. Small thing, big things, non-important/important things...it doesn't matter as long as it furthers her wants somehow, or keeps her out of trouble, or makes her look "special".
I have a joke about SD17 - how do you know she is lying? Her lips are moving!
A few months ago, she blew up at something I said, and went on a way crazy rant. With her father listening in the other room. She said such vile things, horrid thing, to try to hurt me, and not getting a response, went on and on and on. Naturally she was shuttled over to BM's and stayed extra time. Told her BM that it was ME that said all these terrible things. BM likes to believe bad things of me, and never approached me directly. Asked my So about it, and SO said "well no it was the other way around!" Chaos ensued, SD17 tried to say HE was lying.
Well now a few months later, do NOT like being in the house alone with her and she wants to stay with us full-time. Lucky for me that SO doesn't want her full time!!!! And knows what a huge liar she is, so its not an issue of belief/disbelief with me. BUT STILL. If someone can be that messed up and tell people that kind of crap about me, I do NOT want them in my space.