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1sr vent....advice welcones

MamaBear1031's picture

Hello,there first time on here and just need to put some things out there....
So my boyfriend and I have been together almost 2 years, but known for 10. He has a daughter 5 years old, and I do not like her mother. His daughter's mother and I do not have good history. Before my boyfriend and I got together we were friends with benefits for a few years. During those years fooling around he was in a relationship, he didn't tell me at all and I had to find out through MySpace at the time. So once I found out I stopped immediately! They were on and off again and during there off times he was with me until he got her pregnant. Probably 4 years ago we got back in touch. They officially broken up but wanted to stay a family, understandable. So a month before we got together he kept asking me and asking me to get together I said no, because of the baby mama and him having a daughter. I didn't want that. He finally convinced me and I said okay. Only a few days into this new relationship he said I want you to meet my daughter, I said no. To early for me,moving way to fast no. He says well I can't take you back home she's coming over right now. And she was okay at first, then I leave. He only gets her on weekends. He picks me up and we go pick her up and go to town, pizza is all she ever eats or wants to eat. So we sit down and hes like good take her to do this do that, can you get her whatever....I was annoyed and said no. He gets mad and says maybe this won't work out for us. Come the next month, I find out I'm pregnant. Of course I'm excited my first baby, but he's not excited at all. Then I find I have to quit my job because morning sickness isn't just in the morning all day all night, then I have stomach cramps. Not like contractions but like someone grabbing your stomach twisting it, pulling it and squeezing it like water taffy. Throwing up everything even water. Couldn't eat or drink nothing, every weekend in ER for horrible pain. Doctors try to find out, gallstones? Gallbladder problems? Apendex? Acid reflux? Dr's never found anything.
Every weekend he gets her, tells me get up shower and get ready we are going out to eat....I CAN'T EAT! I'm throwing up stomach acid because I can't throw anything else up. I try but I just can't stop throwing up. He gets mad at me for not trying to come out with his daughter or spend time with her, just for an hour come out and get to know her. But all she wants is her dad and pizza and toys.
I remember one time we were in target trying to look at baby clothes, and she grabs the cart and goes directly to the toys and pulls any which one and puta them in, her dad says no and she get mad and says put it back in the cart. I want it. And he says not now, and she then hugs him and says I love you, can I have it now? At this time we are struggling with bills and I can't help because I can barely making it into target without throwing up or getting lite headed. So we get home and there she is with a whole new toy her dad gets her which she already has million other ones in her room.

Comments

Acratopotes's picture

I pity you - you fooled around with a guy who was cheating on a partner, believe me he will cheat on you as well,
you are and adult lady and yet you got knocked up, why did you think he will write off the first brat and be devoted to you only?

The vest you can do, is leave this realtionship and start over, with the baby

uofarkchick's picture

I am guessing that you weren't just friends with benefits. I think you were probably dating and found out he was cheating with you and on you. When you realized he wouldn't leave his girlfriend/wife, you got pregnant to try and keep him. You also quit your job thinking that this guy was going to take care of you. This guy is scum and what you did was foolish. Why in the world would you want to keep a "man" like this? What's even worse is that you are bringing a baby in to this dysfunction. I see a GUBM in the making, thinking that she can just live off child support when this guy inevitability moves on to some new booty. Good luck to you.

ESMOD's picture

Wow.. what a place to be in.

1. You quit your job because of morning sickness? Millions of women work while pregnant. Have you been getting prenatal care to see if there is anything you can do or take to minimize these effects?
2. Your boyfriend is a loser. He is a cheater. He cheated with you... he will cheat on you and most likely already has.
3. He is making you parent his daughter.. another loser quality.

You need to get yourself away from him. This is not the relationship or the person for you. You will need to establish paternity and get support from him.

If you truly are destitute, there are programs to help. FAMIS can help you and the child with healthcare. SNAP for food and possibly TANF for other expenses.

ChiefGrownup's picture

My advice is break up with this man for final and for good.

Raise your child on your own and move far away from him. If he seeks out the fathering relationship don't block him but don't rely on him, either.

Your best bet is to move yourself and you child as far as possible away from the giant drama that is your past with him as it will follow you forever in the form of skid and her mom if you try to be a couple/family with him.

Frankly, the biggest way it will follow you is the man himself. He is not a good bet. Not at all. Get out now.

Do it before the baby is born for least complications.