So this is the talk
I told DH yesterday that I wanted to finish my degree, and that it's about 2k to do so. That he would have to find employment because I can't pay for everything here and school. So I got the speech about how he gave up a 20 year career and now his options are going to be fast food or retail. Then it was also how much time we wouldn't get to spend together and that I needed to understand that. That I also needed to understand that the stress from school shouldn't be taken out on the family and then that he was going to have to talk with his parents because he didn't want them to feel like they were live in babysitters. Omg!!! First and foremost my kids are, have been and will always be mature enough to get up and get on the bus. They come home, hit the homework and then they are more than capable of cooking dinner ( may not me a meat and potatoes kind of meal standard that my husband is accustomed to) of course washing the frigging dishes (but wait, isn't that part of the responsibility of being the house husband?) After all, my kids do their own laundry, my MIL washes our clothes, and I do on my days off. My husband can't seem to get them put up. I think I've cleaned our room and swept it working full time more than he does. But his job is to tend to the property and the livestock. But my FIL went and washed out the waterers.
When I talked to my husband about making our relationship the priority, and kids not being number one, I got the speech about how now his son is 15 and that he's at that age where he can go hunting with him for the weekend and all this stuff he has planned and I need to understand that he's gonna do this with his son. Funny.. I gave up concerts with my daughters and have put this man first in my life, like I thought you were suppose to do in marriage only to be told that I'm not going to be priority in his. Then the audacity for him to dangle the carrot of " we won't spend much time together, but I guess it works for other couples." He's something else. This is definitely not the man I thought I married. Since it's open enrollment on my insurance, I have thought about dropping him and his spawn. I feel so very stupid, guess he saw me coming a mile away.
Go to school, that is more
Go to school, that is more important than anything....borrow the money if needed, do not let him talk you out of bettering yourself; do it immediately.
Some men like to keep women, "in their place." Do not settle for his selfish speech or anything else the idiot tells you.
Go to school-- 2000.00 is cheap for school!
Enroll in school. Find an
Enroll in school. Find an apartment/house for you and your kids and move on with your life. You have to believe what your husband is showing and telling you.
Hey Survivor, I don't know
Hey Survivor, I don't know your background or family history so I have some questions for you. But first I strongly urge you NOT to cut off insurance. Not only is it a cheap move, you leave yourself open to huge debts if DH is injured with no insurance. Working with livestock has inherent risk and you are just asking for trouble with no insurance.
1. Did you and your DH BOTH agree to him becoming a house-husband and taking care of the property/livestock?
2. Does the property/livestock belong to you & DH?
3. When you discussed DH quitting his job, did you talk about who would do the cleaning of the house as well?
If the answer to both of those questions is yes, then perhaps instead of telling your DH he HAS to get a job was wrong. Caring for livestock and property can very easily be just as difficult and time-consuming as a full-time job. It IS a full-time job for many people. Just because your FIL washed out the waterers does not mean your DH is sitting on his ass doing nothing.
As to the time together, the comments about weekends with his son, you giving up concerts with your DD - this all sounds like poor communication and selfishness on DH's part. BUT my question here is did DH ask you to give up concerts with your DD or did you choose to do it, thinking it was what was best for your marriage? Your DH may not have noticed this sacrifice of yours because he didn't think you would cancel time with your DD for him. A lot of women, me included, have a tendency to make decisions "for the good of the family" without actually consulting anyone else in the family. And it can backfire. The first year of my marriage I declined plans with a friend (without telling DH) for Opening Day of rifle hunting season since DH had told me all about how his family had this huge tradition of meals and hanging out at MIL's. As it turned out the tradition was a giant breakfast at 3:30am for the hunters, and then lunch around 1pm for anyone who wanted to stay. And between 4:30 when the hunters left and 1pm when they came back, the house was EMPTY Even MIL left to go to work. I was really resentful that day, but it was my own fault for not talking to DH. If I had, he would have told me to go with my friend.
Now maybe your DH is just an ass and a user, in which case yes forget him, go to school and take care of you and yours. I don't know enough about your situation to judge. Education is very important. Could that 2k come from selling an animal instead of a new job? Sorry, I don't know what type of livestock you have. Otherwise maybe point out to DH that for 2k to finish school, his new job would only be for a couple of months. Maybe a year with book expenses and such to cover. Would he be more open to it at that point?
It's a lost cause. Your
It's a lost cause. Your marriage will never be first. I'm sorry. Your hubs is telling you exactly what the future holds. Listen to him.
It is clear where you stand
It is clear where you stand with your DH... go to school, finish your degree, then.... make a decision. Become the sugarmama for your DH and his spawn relegating yourself and your own children to second class status in the blended family dynamic.... or.... cut your losses and move on to a life of security, prosperity, and adventure without the ball and chain of this man who does not make you or your marriage a priority and his entitlement spawn.
My bride and I married shortly after I completed my undergrad degree. One commitment we made to each other was that eduction for all of us (my bride, myself, our kid (SS)). After we married we completed another three degrees between us. My bride completed a dual major BS and an MBA and I completed an MBA. We also both completed professional certifications. Our son is progressing on his undergrad.
If your DH cannot step up and be your equity life partner as you are to him... then you have a decision to make.
Get back to school, get-er-done, and don't let your blended family situation prevent you from accomplishing your goals...... ever.
Don't get me wrong. There are plenty of successful equity life partnership marriages where one partner is the bread winner and the other is the home maker and primary parent where the partners together create a dynamic home and family as equity parnters. Those are situations that are obviouse when they are seen. Then there are partnerships that are far from equitable where one partner takes advantage of the other. Those are just as obvious when they are seen.
Good luck, take care of you and your kids, let us know when graduation is.
This is better to move along
This is better to move along with your decisions to educate your family.You have to go back to school to complete and reach your goals.Tutu helper is the solution for all ios users customization problem.Tutu helper app is very popular for getting paid apps for free without jailbreaking your ios device.Install Tutu helper on ios 10 on your iPhone/iPad to get many apps, themes and tweaks for free.
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