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My marriage is starting to not feel worth all this

Jen7490's picture

We married 3.5 years ago. I was coming out of a 19 year marriage, for him a 10 year chase of his ex-wife. They where married for a few months, she got pregnant right away and left him at about 3 months in, moving several states away. Months later he got word he had a son born and he actively poured his whole exsistance into her, her two older boys, and his son. His ex engaged in many relationships and basically offered him sex and occasional affection for money and favors. Two years later his ex had a bar flinge and got pregnant again and my husband signed the birth certificate and welcomed a "daughter". He spent the next 10 year's chasing that woman and loving her. When we meet I was in love, I don't even know why, but I was. Maybe because it was new and he was so different then what I knew. I was told the boundaries right away. His children where first, I needed to understand his relationship with their mom and that they were best friends. Still I stayed on and at the time it felt worth it. As time has gone by I resent his kids and refuse to let his ex be involved in my life. His daughter is his favorite and gets away with everything. She plays the I'm so sweet and love animals but I would never trust her alone with anything. Ive watched her hit my elderly dog with sticks when she thinks nobody is looking. My husband and I have a 2 year old son and she has hit him in the face, smashed his fingers, and then lies about it. Thats what brings this all on. Tonight he started crying in her room and now has a black eye she claims she has no idea how it happened. She is 10 by the way. His kids refuse to help clean, rufuse to shower, and disrespect their father at every turn. My kids on the other hand have chores, do everything around the house and outside. Previously my kids did 4h and raise livestock. His kids wanted to be involved of course but my kids do the work 90% of the time. I love him, I really do, but I can't imagine my life being ruled and ruined by his children, especially one he didn't even create but took on. I feel terrible for even saying it out loud but I'm so unhappy. I hate when they are here so much. My whole life goes upside down. I feel like I can't ask them to change to make me happy, I have to make me happy but it makes me sad. I love him and I don't want to leave.

Kes's picture

Like JJCastle, I don't normally advise people to leave, but in this case I think it might be hard to sort things out.  SD10 is physically harming your 2 yr old and also your dog - this is completely unacceptable and it seems like your DH colludes with it by not calling her out on it.  It is likely to get worse rather than better as she moves into the teen years.    I would leave before she does your baby a serious harm or worse. 

tog redux's picture

Given what you knew when you were dating him - that he "chased" his ex-wife for 10 years and played happy family with her, including claiming her one-night-stand child as his (?!), I'm somehow not surprised this isn't working out for you.

Chalk it up to a mistake, and take your son and dog and leave before someone calls CPS or ASPCA on you. 

Rags's picture

What the hell is there to love about this POS asshole of a failed father?

I my baby brother had been injured in my room while with me there would have been hell to pay.

Knowing that this guy is a huge POS as a father why did you decide to spawn with him?

Another puke worthy "But I truly love him!" story.

smh

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