Feeling like a third wheel...p
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Little back story, I am a soon to be step dad of a 4 year old girl. My fiance is pregnant. Due Feb 26th with my first biological son. I always feel like the third wheel. She never has any energy and I feel emotionally and physically neglected. Literally no sex since we found out and she doesn't want to be touched. But she can somehow muster up an ass load of energy for her daughter. She's all smiles and I love you let me hug you and kiss you and cuddle and blah blah blah and I'm over here on the sidelines. She expects me to take over the full position as my soon to be SDs father including discipline. But I'm always wrong. WTF DO I DO?
That's a quick summary but
That's a quick summary but I'm sure someone out there gets it
Have u talked to your wife
Have u talked to your wife about your feelings?? Where is the bio dad?
Yes and it makes it worse.
Yes and it makes it worse. Bio dad is out of the picture since the say she found out she was pregnant
Simply tell your wife, you
Simply tell your wife, you are not SD's father and nothing will ever change it.... unless the bio father signs her off and you officially adopts her....
DW wants you to discipline her daughter, laugh and say, I will not, it's not my responsibility... I'm not her parent.
Soon as DW starts being a parent to SD and not a friend, SD will stop with the kisses and hugs etc....
Change the dynamic of your house.... turn DW into the disciplinary one and you become the fun uncle...
Ok I have a different take on
Ok I have a different take on the sex issue. Sex is very important especially for men. And for her to show you no affection whatsoever during the pregnancy is not right. Your feelings are valid. There has to be some form of sexual activity that she can be okay with during the nine months she is pregnant. And if she doesn't want to be touched ok but she should show u some affection and not ignore u when the child is around. Sometimes u have to work at this a bit and she needs to understand that. Affection is important and I don't think it's fair that u should go without any for the entire pregnancy. She could put in some effort.....at least once and a while.
This is exactly the type of situation where the ignored party may stray after feeling neglected for so long. I've seen it happen in marriages and that neglected person ends up cheating. Just sayin.....
bwhahahahaha SuperJew thank
bwhahahahaha SuperJew thank for the laugh...
glue your fingers together if you give shitty advice hehehehehehe I think this will be my stolen line from now on
Take it easy ladies.. these
Take it easy ladies.. these are just some thoughts I had. I've seen it happen. Not saying it the pregnant womans fault if her man cheats .. lol. Just saying I've seen it happen !!
Good or bad advise.. I give both at times. These are just some thoughts..
Whoaaaa. I was not advising
Whoaaaa. I was not advising him to cheat. !! I'm saying that his wife needs to give some attention. Prego or not. Not sure where u r getting that from. Easy does it people!! Re read my post. I never said that he should cheat. Heck no!!!
I'm saying that u cannot ignore a spouse like this for extended periods that's all I'm saying. Way to jump down my throat people. Oh my goodness.
YOLO- I am picking up what
YOLO- I am picking up what you're saying and I agree with you (don't kill me other posters) but taking away intimacy from a relationship does eventually tear down the way two people feel about each other.
My SO always says "when you get old you better not cut me off" but he thinks it is completely acceptable that his mom cut his dad because she just doesn't like "doing it" anymore, here they are years later and everyone wonders why all they do is argue when they don't even touch. I've attended some "how to affair proof your marriage" classes and the classes outline how important intimacy between partners is.
Yes. U understood me but
Yes. U understood me but said it better. Thank u. I would never condone cheating. Ever.
I certainly don't condone
I certainly don't condone cheating either but I also recognize that as much as women need to be heard that men need to feel loved by having sex. My SO left his ex-wife for several reasons but the lack of intimacy is really what eroded their relationship and lead to the break down in so many other areas of their marriage.
If a pregnant wife doesn't want to have sex then understanding that is for a limited amount of time in a small part of life is one thing, but to completely cut your man off for years is horrible and to expect for it to be okay is foolish in my book.
No one I know has died from
No one I know has died from lack of sex BUT plenty of people I know have gotten divorced because of it.
I wish it didn't work this
I wish it didn't work this way but I have seen many marriages end due to lack of intimacy. It's sad but true. Hugs to you all:)))
I must have issues because I
I must have issues because I am from the school that if you don't f*ck your man someone else will, just saying that is what I think, maybe it is wrong but that is what I think.
Fruit- you are my cherry on
Fruit- you are my cherry on top- you nailed it, "Sex is no guarantee your marriage will stay together. Lack of sex, though, is just about guaranteed to buy you a lot of problems. Exceptions should be made, and pregnancy hormones are one of them. My problem with the OP was he was jealous of his fiancée being affectionate with her child. That doesn't fly in my book."
Right on sister!
Sorry for the second post but
Sorry for the second post but I wanted to address disciplining the child. The child is not yours but bio is out of the picture. I think u have two options. One is like the other posters say. U r not the father so discipline should be left to the BM. But. Option 2 if the bio dad is out of the picture is to step in as the father in all ways. I have actually seen this dynamic work in several instances but the bio mom has to be on board and give u full authority like it's your child. In your case your significant other will not give u authority. So stick with option one. Best of luck!!
I don't know if it helps but
I don't know if it helps but I am currently pregnant and my relationship is all over the place.
I became very sensitive to smells in the first trimester; the worst was second hand cigarette smoke (DH smokes and 'is trying to give up' which means he still smokes but is more angry most of the day while he denies himself nicotine). He repulsed me so much I couldn't be in the same room as him, let alone kiss him/be intimate. This made him very angry at me... I became more upset; it's not my fault I am feeling nauseous!!
I am now in second trimester and sex is back on the menu, however I am very hormonal; I will cry for NO reason - DH gets angry at me because he doesn't understand and I get more upset because I am getting his anger when I need his love.
I am also depressed because being pregnant makes you sit up and look at the future you have prepared for the new child - also your fiancee's existing child will be high in her mind. In her head you are fine (you have a new child/family on the way), it is her daughter who is going to feel left out; therefore she is prioritising her.
IMHO I would have a series of talks with your SO. Explain you would love to be involved parenting SD but as she is not your child you need strict guidelines on the rules and what rewards/punishments should be. Get them in writing - then she cannot backtrack. I have even been accused that 'the way I speak to skids is condescending' so be very careful you are both on the same page. Otherwise it will be heartbreaking for SD if you disengage at this stage.
Remember why you made a baby; remember why you love your SO and if necessary 'fall back in love' with her... Take care of her - now is the time to suprise her with flowers or rub her back - you have NO idea how grateful she will be
The more you push for sex the
The more you push for sex the more she isn't gonna want it. Her body is going through changes and you shouldn't ask. You should be lucky to have someone that wants to cuddle. She probably wants to give the little girl lots of attention because when new baby gets here, none of you are gonna get any. You should take care of your business in the shower and tell her about it and ask her if it's ok and how she feels about that. She may feel bad and atleast give you a BJ. Offer to take time up with the little girl or clean up. You both have a baby coming and her job is going to be harder.
Time to jerk a knot in your
Time to jerk a knot in your DW's tail and give her some clarity. SHE and YOU are the marital partners. The Skid nor your stb BioSon are partners in the marriage.
That means she needs to step up and be your equity life partner as you will not tolerate her abdicating as far as being your lover/wife/partner/bff.
Part of that needs to be clearly establishing behavioral standards for the kids in the home and the clearn understanding that both you and DW are equity parents and will enforce those standards. Then..... when SD steps out of line with the behavioral standards... address your bride to immediately step up and deal with it before you have to or step up and have your back. She does not get to disagree with how you parent and discipline at least when the kid(s) are there. Disagreements occur behind closed doors away from little ears.
Kids are manipulative little hell spawn and if you show them that they have the ability to influence and manipulate they will make your marriage a living hell.
The same will apply as the baby grows up so the standards should apply in an age appropriate manner to all spawn in the marital home.
The advancing pregnancy might indicate that a measured approach to this is in order. Remember... DW is a soup of conflicting hormones and emotions and will be for quite a while. Tread lightly but be assertive.... I know. Way to sit the fense Rags.
Just my thoughts of course.
Congratulations to you and your bride as well as to big sis on the baby.
Good luck.