Defiant Stepchildren
Ok, a little about me. I have a 6 year old biological son. He and I were on our own for over 3 years. I started dating this guy, who has custody of his then 9 year old daughter and 7 year old son. Everything was going great, I fell in love with his daughter. She's a diabetic and her mom thought she was damaged goods, so she always treated her like crap. Her son was treated like an angel by her. The daughter was so clingy to me and we bonded instantly, because I didn't treat her differently because she was diabetic.
Fast forward to now, she's 11, his son is 9. We got married this year, and they moved in me and my sons home. It's taken quite a bit of getting used to having other people on our home. Now comes the issues with them constantly destroying stuff in MY home, refusing to listen to anything I say, doing stuff they know they're not supposed to do. It is usually the step son. The step daughter doesn't get in trouble very much. I love her to pieces. But when it comes to my step son, I honestly can't stand him. He's whiny, he's a cry baby, he goes behind my back to his father about everything I say. I can't get it through his head that I've seriously had enough. I honestly don't know what to do. He literally fights me on everything. I'm not the evil stepmother, because both kids have no contact with their bio mom, they actually call me Mom. I discipline him the same why I do my bio child, but it gets me nowhere. I honestly don't know what to do, and I feel like I'm losing it. I understand that it's now their place too, but at the same time it's still MY place and they don't respect anything in it.
Why are you disciplining
Why are you disciplining someone else's child? I thought you said you married their father. Well, where is he? Why isn't he squashing this?
It's usually when he's at
It's usually when he's at work or already in bed. He's told them to listen to me and he's made it clear that I'm just as much the boss as he is. It doesn't work.
SS should find no value in
SS should find no value in tattling on you to daddy. Daddy needs to not listen to that and make it very clear in no uncertain terms.
That first year of steplife is the hardest.
The best possible thing you can do is set some boundaries and standards, including with your husband. Tell him right now you cannot babysit his kid if Dad is going to second guess you behind your back. Tell him to arrange for child care or have your back. Pick one.
I've heard him talk to him
I've heard him talk to him after he tattles. He always says "well son, just listen and you won't get in trouble."
Last night, youngest skid
Last night, youngest skid thought it would be a good idea to draw with liquid white out. It's now all over my carpet. I've had to replace their bedroom and bathroom doorknobs since they moved in (they like to slam the doors). My glass front door is now broken on the handle, and the hydraulic easy close piece came out of the wall.
I have had this same problem:
I have had this same problem: several towel bars/hooks ripped out of the wall, taking chunks of wall with it, curtains/rod ripped off wall, destroyed window blinds, broken chair, broken drawers, etc., etc.
Here's what I've done (DH doesn't seem to pay attention or care about it):
At our rental home DH was liable for ALL of the repair/replacement costs, period. I didn't pay a dime.
And if they broke it, it didn't get replaced unless DH wanted to do it.
At our current home I have ultimate rule over the house since I am the one that fixes things. I have firm rules and everyone knows it - and I don't keep my mouth shut and engage fully.
* Furniture is not gym equipment.
* Anything you break, and if you are warned about it, it doesn't get fixed. Only one towel bar left in the bathroom since the other (newly installed) bar and 2 hooks are ripped out of wall? Oh, no more bar and hooks then. You were warned. And if you slam door again and dislodge the door stop (seriously!) and you end up with a hole in your wall? I'm not fixing that hole (slamming door open stopped mysteriously). And if I find the door knob loose again (yes, it's from slamming/jamming/messing around) then I'll remove it an no more door knob.
* Anything else broken that I find no one copping to I go ballistic and DH helps me fix it or hires someone to fix it himself.
As of this December it will be one year since anything's been broken. Knock on wood!
I can't stop things from disappearing but DH has to replace those things, not me.
You and DH are equity life
You and DH are equity life partners and that makes you equity parents to any children in your marital home.
So.... discipline if DH will not step up and get it done before you have to.
Lather.... rinse..... repeat.
Your DH is the problem, not
Your DH is the problem, not your SS, DH can discipline him better and he will listen, what's SS punishment for disrespecting you, a simply.. listen to SM kiddo and that's the end of it.... SS will never listen ...
Next time kids slam door, simply remove the door ... I would not care if it's the bedroom door or their bathroom door, if you can't close it quietly you loose it.
DH and his brats moved in with you, let me guess DH only contributes 50% to house hold expenses, not the mortgage and not the repairs? Change this.... if skid breaks something DH needs to repair or pay for it, 100%... DH should be paying "rent" to you for staying there and the split should not be 50/50.... more like 40/60 for DH 60....
You just got married, I suggest you separate finances immediately or you will regret it in 10 years time... if you are a SAHM then things change a bit.... but the point remains... DH should be more assertive and involved in disciplining his kids and supporting you more, there should be more punishment from DH for disrespecting you
My husband recently had neck
My husband recently had neck surgery, and just went back to work. Minimum wage. What little he makes, he buys groceries with. What I make, goes in my bank account and pays all the bills, all the school stuff, and pretty much anything else. It's split more like 98/2. I knew that going into it, though. Once he can do more physically, he's going to get a better job.
As for the disciplining him, he's whipped him, made him write sentences, grounded him from any electronics, made him sit in the corner when my son and SD are riding bikes. Literally, nothing works. He doesn't listen to anybody, period. I know it does aggravate my husband when I only get on to his kids (99%) of the time, just my SS. But I've tried explaining that I don't really have to get on to my son, because he honestly doesn't get in trouble. When I tell him something, he listens.
I'm sure a lot of it is from the skids bio mom. While my husband was married to her, he was working 80+ hours a week and their craxkhead mother raised them. Didn't care what they did, as long as she could do her drugs. Even so, there should be some way to get this 9 year old skid to listen!
When they were younger, yes.
When they were younger, yes. Now, he's the only one they have. Their bio mom literally has nothing to do with them. My husband is a better father to my son, than my sons dad is.
This was 5 years ago that he worked like that. He's had primary custody of them for the last 3 1/2 years.