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Step daughter and mom vs me - discipline, manners and being a role model

Thomas2016's picture

i have a 10yr old step daughter, me and y wife have been married for 3 and together for a total of 5 years, i am one that places a lot of emphasis on manners and discipline, we have a 1 and half year old together. I constantly tel my SD to wash her plate after a meal, clean her room, pick up after herself and so on, last night my wife tells me that i am very negative towards her daughter because i only discipline her. lets go to the beginning, when we were dating her daughter would wait for just the 2 of us to be together and then she would tell me that she was going to tell her mother to break up with me, she even said that she hated me and after we got married she told me that i did not give birth to her so i could not tell her what to do, she is in therapy at the moment. her father has said that i am not allowed to do fatherly things with her because it was his job (i tried to teach her to ride a bicycle). We have a 1.5 year old son, i know that i am a bit hard on the SD because i want her to grow up to be a good responsible person who her brother can look up to and maybe follow in her footsteps if they are the right footsteps to follow, my wife says that i cannot make the SD a role model to her brother because that is putting too much pressure on her, i made the decision to not focus on her and her bad ways anymore and rather focus on my son, if i raise him right he can learn from me and use me as a role model. i don't know if i am doing the right thing but adopting this approach, i don't want to see her going down the wrong path but i am at my end with trying to please everyone, anyone with a similar situation?

Acratopotes's picture

ignore the SD, time to disengage from her and let DW pick up and clean after her own daughter

You are not the bio parent thus you actually have no rights to this bratty girl... simply let DW handle it and if SD asks you for a ride or to buy her something, you reply with... ask your mum

Lulu90's picture

I know it can be hard with little ones. I have a 2 year old that adores my SS 7 he follows him around and does what ever he does. As much as he isn't a role model he is. Older siblings are cool especially when they are a lot older. Its super annoying when SS does something annoy the BS copies him.