need advise
:O
So I have been with my SO for 8 years. He as a 9 yr old daughter. I watched her for a few hours last weekend so he could do a work thing. I met my sister and brother in law at the local waterpark. I thought things went ok. We were there less than 3 hours. I found out yesterday that my brother in law took her up to the bigger slides that my sister and I didn't want to go on and when they were waiting in line she says to him "you know what I like to do" and hacks a lougie and spits towards people below her. He tells her to stop and that's not a nice thing to do. She continues to spit, disregarding what he has asked her. This was the first time she met him too. Im so pissed that not only her disgusting spitting, but her total lack of regard to what an adult is asking you to do. Also when I told her it was time to go, she got back in line, went down another slide, and then after about 20 minutes pass by, I go looking for her. She is in that lazy river hiding in the hole of the innertube when she passed my sister and I so I cant see her. So I have decided to NEVER take her anywhere again. And I mean it. I feel I wasted my time and my money and all I got was crap behavior back. I have not told her dad about it yet, as how our schedules are I want to tell him to his face. Honestly I really want nothing to do with her. Its like you give and give a s**t and you get crap behavior back. What I wanted opinions on is...I think im going to tell him that I will not be taking her anywhere anymore. If I watch her (which I normally don't) she can stay in the house. I wont put any effort into entertaining her. I know once I tell him hes gonna be pretty upset. But I stand my ground. Too embarrassing and disrespectful for me to waste my time and money on.
Anyone have other advise on this?
Why are you going to tell him
Why are you going to tell him that you won't take her anywhere? Just do this from now on. You get the same result without having a huge argument.
You said just do this from
You said just do this from now on. Did you mean if I'm ever to watcher her to just stay home with her and not mention that I wont be taking her in public places again? I have a few friends with daughters around her age and they don't act super immature like she does. I don't get it. Disrespectful.
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Ya he'll get mad and ruin the
Ya he'll get mad and ruin the night..but pretty much yell at her..a long lecture with empty threats. That's usually how it goes. Then the next day it's like nothing happened.
I would not mention it to her
I would not mention it to her Dad, unless she is sitting right there to hear it all. Then I would tell both SD9, and DH, that we all need to discuss a problem (round table family talk). I would ask SD9 to explain herself to both you and her Dad. Ask her to please explain exactly what went on; you have witnesses you can confirm the problem; remind your SD9 that your sister and BIL were also involved and she should tell her Dad the truth, because "we all know the truth".
Be civil and patient with this family meeting. Put the ball in her end of the court and then see how it goes. If you call her on it now, maybe you won't have to deal with this brat pulling this again. I would not put your DH in the middle; I would put SD9 in her place, with her Dad present.
Good Luck. I did this with our SGGD8, with her Dad. He was present when she pulled one on me; I brought it to my DH and SGGD8's Dad immediately, with SGGD8 present. Well later she ran to my SGD31 and lied, so I was the bad person anyway; with that said DH and her Dad knew the truth, so SGD31 had to drop it. SGD31 never apologized for her daughter8's behavior, but that is another story; SGGD8 has never been disrespectful again to me.
Bottom line, you be the adult and stop this, and any future problems, immediately with everyone present.
Good Luck :sick:
I think you should have told
I think you should have told him about her behavior the same day it occurred. He needs to understand that you will not take her anywhere else without him.
I have to say, as a parent, I would be upset about you allowing my daughter to ride the water slide with a man she had never met.
Not every man is a child
Not every man is a child molester. And 9 times out of 10, a child is molested by someone they know well.
I agree with you 100% and I
I agree with you 100% and I know the stats. That doesn't mean I would be alright with my child being alone with a strange man in a water park.
The only way to stop being a
The only way to stop being a stranger is to say Hi and spend time together.
The child was in the custody of the SM, the SM decided it was not dangerous. Has to be good enough.
At some point, possibly by age 9, we have to allow our kids to experience the danger of being temporarily unsupervised. She might have stood in the line alone and spoken to a man unknown to the SM, another father or a predator. At what point do we, as parents, trust that we've instilled common sense, good manners, and a loud voice into our child?
The best choice for me is not to live in constant fear that something terrible could happen. Of course it could. But so could something great. Is it truly better to hide under the bed, wrapped in cotton wool, until you age out and are sent out into the world sans cotton wool?
Or should parents teach kids what they need to know to venture out there and have a great life?
A 9 yo is not allowed to be
A 9 yo is not allowed to be alone? Are you serious?
Your entitled to your opinion
Your entitled to your opinion and I respect that. He's family. They don't have kids yet so when we get together it's adult stuff. Plus he's gone a lot so it's mostly just my sister and I. The waterpark is small. Only has 4 slides and my sister and I didn't want to go on the bigger one so she went with my BIL. She was never unsupervised. And I know him very well. Like I said we just do a lot of separate family stuff that's why she hasn't met him.
Are you a fellow free ranger?
Are you a fellow free ranger?
If that mean doing things on
If that mean doing things on my own and with friends..yes..! Why not enjoy life
Okay, I gotcha girl. Sorry,
Okay, I gotcha girl. Sorry, my first reaction is to think that most women have irrational fears about men that are left alone with children. But that's not the case so I apologize.
Thanks! No offense taken, but
Thanks! No offense taken, but appreciate that
I would have. But we both
I would have. But we both work in the medical field and I know how important it is to stay focused on work so I don't distract him at work. I'd rather tell him when she's present as well.
Thanks for the responses. I
Thanks for the responses. I really appreciate the feedback! I'm going to bring it up. I didn't know about the spitting till I saw my sister a few days later and BIL had told her what happened. I just hate the after effects of how pissed he's gonna be when he finds out how disrespectful his kid is. Ill just have to find the right time..like before I have to be somewhere that way he can be alone with her and go from there..
Oh my BIL has been in the
Oh my BIL has been in the family for awhile now. He works for the military so travels a lot. We tend to do separate family gatherings at times. My family (I have a 21 yr old son) and his family. It just works for us. That's why BIL hasn't met the SD9. They weren't riding the slide "together" just standing in line together. DH knows my family well.
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I'm sorry but I have a
I'm sorry but I have a different opinion, first I thought say nothing and just stop entertaining SD, disengage silently...
but the best would be, while it's fresh in every one's mind, to tell DH what happened and say, you are disengaging, till SD learns how to behave in public and with other adults, you are not going to take her any where and this is for him to resolve....
If you just simply disengage, and say nothing and it comes out 6 months down the line, SD is going to deny it and you will end up being the evil SM.. sort it out while she will still look guilty if DH confronts her..
He would be mad about the
He would be mad about the situation. She already has behavior issues always at school. Not listening, talking when your not supposto..not doing required work. So to me this is just another prime example of her disrespect to adults. I usto work at the school district years ago and I saw how the "bad kids" take so much unnecessary time from the entire class. It upsets me. I'm sure teachers jobs are much harder these days with the number of students they take on. She's only been in school a little over a month and had her desk moved around because she is disruptive to the class. I'm just going to slowly step back. Since I make my own schedule I'll start working more on the days he has her. I'm to the point where I figure she has a mom and a dad and its they're job to parenting her. I'm neither. I also have a son who is 21. Never have I ever had an issue with him being disruptive or any behavior issues. And he's on his own and pays his own rent ect..And I raised him alone as his dad is deceased. I also had him at 18. So to me there's no excuse for a kid to be disrespectful to adults. It disgusts me. I'm not even going to give my opinion for discipline issues. I'm done. That's a product of they're parenting not mine. Might sound harsh but i refuse to be embarrassed in front of my family or waste my time and money on a kid who obviously dosent appreciate it..or deserve it.