Is this normal? Or am I crazy? Wanting to learn to disingage....
I've been reading these post on this site for awhile now. I wanted some advise to my situation. SO has a 7y/o girl 50/50. I have been around since she was very young. This girl seems to have absolutely NO respect for any adults in her life. Its like talking to a wall. She always gets bad remarks on an almost daily basis from her teacher. Not listening, interrupting, bullying other kids-anything she can do to be the center of attention at all times. It gets old. After that it pisses SO off and ruins our day. Its a continual happening. She also gets bad reports from BM, grandma, and aunt. All regarding behavior. She seems not to care at all, and SO lets too much "slide" in my view. She is also stuck to SO side 24/7. SO in bathroom-kid frantically serching for him. "daddy play with me 24/7" Its very odd to me. In my home I expect simple rules to be followed. Her table manners suck, and that annoys me. I feel when I correct her I am looked at as being the mean one. Well someone needs to say something-its almost unbearable! SO is blind to those "little" things. Maybe this is why all the behavior issues? No consistant consequences? Also the nail AND toenail biting, and nose picking till it bleeds is GROSS. This kid lives to be the center of attention at all times in all situations. She interrupts anyone talking just to tell a random made up story. Now she thinks shes gonna get away with sneeking out of bed at night to "spy" on us when she is supposto be sleeping. Its getting old, and after all these years I expected things to get better, and its not..just dont know if this is a parenting issue or a mental issue. Its very draining having her around, and I am starting to avoid it as much as I can..as bad as that may sound..
It's a parental issue ~ you
It's a parental issue ~ you know it is. She needs rules and boundaries. And you need to be 100% consistent all the time. If it's not ~ she will turn to the lacking parent...ie ,,, your SO.
Sorry to be crude ~ but he needs to get a set of balls n decide it's time to be a parent. He can't be a part time parent on his watch.
Here is my question that I ask often ~ if her behavior isn't acceptable and school why are you tolerating it at home. The teacher isn't telling you anything you don't know already. The teacher can tell the difference between a quarrel at school or just plain bad behavior. This kid is pushing your buttons.
Just as if she were at her first day of school ~ I would sit down with her n SO and write out the family rules and expectations. Let her tell you one of the rules ~ write them down. Next ~ what happens if you break those rules. This way she knows exactly whst is expected of her at your home. Make simple chores from her ~ getting napkins for dinner ~ putting silverware out. Make her start bring independent instead of co dependent. It's sucks that as women we have to raise what is not ours but ~ place some rules n expectations in your home n hold her responsible.
She sounds like a classic
She sounds like a classic case of RAD- reactive attachment disorder. Look it up. Then you have decide if you think you can help her connect with you enough to bring her around.
Sorry BadNanny - this is not
Sorry BadNanny - this is not RAD. My ss18 was abused horribly by his mother in his early years. His diagnosis was suspected to be RAD, but they have since changed it to PTSD, ODD, ADHD, and bi-polar disorder. He was WAYYYY worse than this little girl - and he is not a RAD child.
This is a child without consistent parenting.
Maybe some Attention deficit and maybe ODD (doubtful though).
I suspect that if a consistent parenting plan were put in place (and maybe it is a change of the amount of time in the more permissive parent's home) with time the child will learn to behave appropriately. Do you think her BM or her father is a more consistent parent?
If her dad is overlooking simple things like table manners - then it is a damn sure bet that she's getting away with normal kid behaviors, talking out of turn/back sassing, showing disrespect etc on a regular basis as well. Seemingly there are no consequences for acting like a feral brat.
A strong parental hand - using timeouts, extra chores and loss of privileges for bad behavior; as well as using rewards for good behaviors. A chore chart with tasks that an avg 7 yrold should be able to manage would be a great way to find those good behaviors to reward. I would start small too - like at 7 she should be old enough to get up and get ready for school. I.e. Dressed, face washed, teeth brushed. Simple chores like cleared the table after meals. Picked up toys. etc.
The key to a good reward chart - is to make sure she knows what she's working towards. Like if there is a game or toy (within reason - nothing excessive), then explain how many gold stars she needs to get that. Also - I wouldn't want to make that number too big though - or maybe give a bonus stars for each time she does all of her tasks in a day? Just thinking out loud here.
With consistency within weeks the child should become better behaved.
But if neither her mother or father can apply this type of consistency? OP you're better off bailing out, because it is only going to get worse from here.
I agree that it is a definite
I agree that it is a definite lack of consistent parenting. He always has an excuse "it bc her mom lets her get away with it...bla bla bla". I feel like what happens at moms house is exactly that. And when she is with him that there has to be a point where she knows she cant behave the way she does. Its terrible. I started scheduling myself to work the days he has her just to avoid the dramatic day that will be. I just don't get it. Maybe because I was raised by an ex-army dad and knew exactly what was to expect of me? Its not easy for me to sit there and ask her over, and over and OVER again not to do little simple things. Don't run in the house. Close your mouth when you eat. And its the same shit on a daily basis. All while SO just sits there. I almost feel like throwing the towel in and keeping quiet. But then again its MY house and I feel like when an adult asks you to do something you do it. Very simple. I'm just sick of this bratty entitlement behavior. And its only getting worse and worse.