Well played!!!!! Failure to launch is a real thing. REAL parents don't tolerate that crap. Too bad daddy is struggling with being a REAL father.

How annoying it has to be to have an adult skid drip about vacations (or anything for that matter). "yet another vacation that I was not taken on." DRIP "my father has never taken me on vacation." DRIP "I haven't been taken on vacation since I was 16 years old" DRIP

You handled the situation beautifully.

I had been married to my dh for about 6 years when my dh took ss on a vacation. He felt he needed to give ss some undivided attention. ss was 16 at the time. I didn't really mind that dh took him on a vacation. What I did mind was that when they got back from vacation, ss makes it clear to me that him and his dad will take a vacation together every year and that I needed to get used to it. The story doesn't end there. My dh & I decided we would take a vacation together. ss (who was living with us at the time)would need to stay at his mothers while we were gone. ss tells dh that he does not want to go and stay at his mothers so we sacrifice our vacation so that ss doesn't have to go to his mothers. ss had not had a problem staying at his moms before we mention our vacation.

To top it off, we make such sacrifice's and did so much for the skids and how do they repay us. Estrangement. ss who is now 24 has not talked to us in 3 years, msd28 has not talked to us in 7 years. I must say that at this time I count it as a blessing that they are not talking to us. It is much more peaceful not having to put up with their arrogant, rude, self centered behavior.

My SD36 always got jealous at vacation time too. She always tried to ruin DH's mood right before we left with dramatic phone calls making him feel guilty for leaving and frantic last minute pleas to come over to her house and fix some minor thing that could wait, when he was busy packing and getting ready to leave. While she didn't have the nerve to come out and say 'take me with' on our anniversary cruises, she used her uncle to put a bug in DH's ear suggesting DH take his adult children and grandchildren to Disney World. They did that when they were kids, so it's not like they've never been there.

I agree with the OP that they can plan and take their own vacations. My SKs are over 30. If they can't afford the types of vacations that we do, well they haven't worked a lifetime and haven't earned it like we have. This was always our anniversary trip, meant for us as a couple.

This year I solved that problem because we bought a winter place in the south that is in a 55+ community and we're down there for three months. SD can't get that kind of vacation time off. Normal young people wouldn't want to be spending their vacations with us 60 yr olds. SD, however, would jump at the chance.

Selecting this time to air his grievance with you, was not by chance. The SS waited until he had a captive audience to announce all this to a group of family and embarrass both of you. If your HB said nothing back, you have a doormat for a husband too. Get prepared to always defend yourself, you will be your sole protector.

DH and I have a timeshare at Disney and go quite often as it's within driving distance. Back when I used to talk to SS30 he would whine about how he never got to go to DisneyWorld because his mom was poor.

So not true at all. His mother had a paid for house and has been at a well paid professional job for over 30 years. She probably never took him because he was an out of control brat. So what - my parents never took me to Disney. I'd guess that way more kids have not been to Disney than have gone.

So now that the baby has arrived - SS is dressing the child in Disney clothes for every picture. He talked about the baby LOVED Mickey Mouse when the kid was 4-5 months old. Really?

I am sure the hints about taking them to Disney with us will escalate. Won't work.

notasm, wow, talk about giving you a hint by putting disney clothes on the kid. The next step will be that they have plane tickets to Disney but no place to stay. The nerve of some people.

My ss used to come into our home holding his arm up in the air. He would do this because he wanted his daddy to buy him a new car, claiming that it was hard for him to get into his car because his arm hurt, funny it did not hurt him enough to go fishing everyday. Anyway, arm is in the air while he is sitting watch tv with df and as soon as df goes to the bathroom, his arm comes down, df comes out, the arm goes up. I was surprised that ex did not bite into getting him the car. However, he does have it in his brain that ds needs a new car. So ss con worked.

Continue to stay strong and say no as more effort will be put on you letting them vacation at disney. I hope your dh is on the same page as you.

We've done family vacations and taken everyone. We could afford it and it was a bonding experience for everyone.
Our problem was BM, she was so jealous that SD was going to be spending time with me and my kids. SS couldn't go because of school.

BM spent all night before our 7am flight trying to convince SD that she shouldn't go with us. She said SD would be raped in her room because staff could make keys. That she'd be kidnapped and sold into sex slavery. That DH and I would be drunk and passed our, unable to help SD.
BM blew up DHs phone, telling him how horrible he was for taking SD to a foreign country (A Mexican 5star resort in the Mayan). How angry she was, that SD didn't need a vacation she needed a new car!

At the time BM was living in another city, I have no doubt that if she'd been here SD wouldn't have gone and we'd have lost money on her ticket.

Kudos to you for speaking truth and for dealing immediately and directly with the guilt and manipulation tactics. Too many of us worry more about being liked and defer to our weakling spouses. Your AS (Adult Skid) was attempting to garner support by whining in front of granny and other relatives. It's probably worked for him before, since your DH started squirming.

Since you shut him down, you might want to be prepared for your SS to try manipulating in a more covert manner. He's also going to resent your interference. Watch your back.

Instead of reminding SS of his past vacations, I would have jokingly gone into great detail about our romantic vacations, and all-out embarrassed him. His eyes would be opened about how inappropriate his staying in our hotel room would be.
"Believe me SS, you would NOT want to go on a vacation with us. Our room is all tore up, the 'Do Not Disturb' sign out all the time....."

This SS is a perfect on one to flaunt vacations to. The manipulation would have me doing slide shows of awesome vacations over the years just to get a rise out of him. }:) }:) }:)

Sounds like an almost identical situation we had last year. Went on vacation (first one in several years). As soon as we come back 34SD went off that we needed to take her and her family on vacation. Whined and whined until I finally said it isn't going to happen. Her kids are total brats and I am not paying for an adult, who makes more than us combined to spend a vacation, that would be miserable. The texts start rolling in how horrible we are, etc, etc. Guess what, still not taking SD on vacation and will completely enjoy ours ALONE!!

Unbelievable how these sks still expect to be treated like children. My ex took his ds48 on vacation a few weeks ago. He took him to the rock and roll hall of fame. My ex could care less about rock & roll, my ss48 see's himself as a rock star. I guess ex has to perpetuate the image that his ds is rock & roll material. However, it started with both of them getting to security to have their ids and tickets checked, at that point ss realized he left his laptop behind where they were seated, back again to retrieve it and then stand in line again to have tickets checked only to find out that they were not going to let them through as the tickets had already been marked. Finally convinced security to let them through. Great start to a vacation especially considering ss has anger management issues. I doubt that ex will ever take his ds on vacation again.

I do not know why he continues to relate stories regarding his ds. Yuck, Yuck, Yuck!!! Unbelievable why guilty disney dads do not just throw in the towel and realize that their kids are total f*ckups.