If the trip spills over onto BM's days with SD, then it's her right to say no to the trip (on those days) for whatever reason she wants. Yea it sucks, but that's her choice. She's being accommodating by allowing the trip on her days, if she wants to ruin it for SD because she wants $$, then that's her prerogative.

Will this set a precedence in the future for how extra accommodations like this will be handled if CS isn't paid up? sure, probably so. But your DH shouldn't be behind on his CS in the first place. I can understand that some careers have varying income, but he should also know that and have some sort of emergency/backup fund to help deal with the low income times.

Even if you pay it, she can still say no. There s no guarantee of anything.

If your sd doesnt get to go, you tell her the truth. You didn't have he money and are catching up on child support. Trust me that is the reason that BM s going to tell her she couldn't go.

And that BM is punishing her because she thinks sd has a deadbeat dad. That it's untrue, but you really don't have the money.

Dad needs to tell SD that it is not his trip. Family has asked her to go and is paying for the trip. The trip overlaps both his and BM's custody time. He has agreed to let her go on his custody time. BM has not.

If child mentions CS he should not discuss it with her. He should tell her that CS is an adult issue. He should emphasise he will allow her to go on his days, that BM is not allowing on her days, that BM is not letting her go with the aunt and grandmother. Other than allowing the trip on his custody time he has nothing to do with the trip.

Aunt, Uncle, Grandmother need to secure permission for child to go on BM's custody days from BM. DH should have nothing to do with securing permission for BM's custody days.

Ignore the blackmail. Catch up on CS and try not to go behind again.

I can see why BM is upset. If your DH's family can help pay for skid to go on a vacation, I'm sure she is wondering why he can't get them to pay for his back-child support too. It's part of their entitled mentality. Everyone should be making sure SHE gets hers before anyone else gets theirs and that includes her own children. It's sad but there isn't anything you can do to change her ways. I think your DH should get caught up on child support because that is a separate but still important issue he needs to resolve. I do think you are placing a lot of the blame on BM because she manipulates but your DH is also to blame. He can make it stop whenever he decides he's had enough.

What I would do: Have your DH email BM
BM,
I am aware that I am behind on child support by ---.-- amount which I will pay current as soon as I am financial able to do so; however, that will not be before SD's trip to Puerto Rico with my family. If you do not let SD to go on the trip, that is your parental right as it falls on two of your custody days, but I will not pay you to let her go like you want me to do. If you decide to let her go like you previously agreed, then Aunt Jane and Grandma will need a notarized permission to leave the country before they head to the airport.

Then I would sit SD down and tell her the truth. "SD, this trip falls on two of your mother's days so you have to have her permission to go. I know your mom originally said you can go but she has changed her mind because I owe her child support money that I would have already paid her if I could. I already told her I do not have the money and can't come up with it by the time of the trip. I am sorry you will not be able to go unless your mom will change her mind but that it between you and her.

I am one of those Step-talkers that think the skids, after a certain age, should be clued into some of the shenanigans that goes on as long as can be age appropriate. She is ten and if she can go out of the country then she can understand the basic concepts of child support and blackmail.

BM may have been more agreeable if Grandma had contacted her directly.

Two days of BM's time. Transport from airport or arrangements for the return of child. All on BM. The direct info of trip, who is going, who is paying, chance for BM to address any concerns... all should be directed between grandparent and CP. Dad already agreed to give up his weekend and gave his consent to trip. His part of necessity of involvement was finished.

Grandma would have had BM's approval and consent or simply told no by BM. All the b*tching, screaming and going off with demands to Dad would have been avoided. See, BM's time is BM's time and Dad shouldn't be in the middle of it.

As a side note...I can't blame BM for being annoyed with Dad for having a 'I'll get around to CS eventually ' attitude. BM has kid bills to pay, food to buy, school registration, supplies, activity fees blah blah . I highly doubt CO states Dad can pay weekly/monthly/whatever CS hen he manages to gather up the money. If his work doesn't pay enough on a regular routine basis to pay his obligation he needs to find a second job.

So why doesn't he just pay the money that he owes? :? :?

If the ultimate goal is for the child to go on a great vacation with her family, why does it matter if mom "wins"?

Honestly I think both parents are being asses. Dad knows damn well he has to pay CS. Kids don't stop needing food, electricity....just because he has issues at work. It's his responsibility to have a plan B and C in place when this occurs.

BM using her kid as leverage, is just as bad as dad not having a back up plan in place.

Both parents need to cut out the foolishness before the child has to pay the price for their stupidity.

If this were my family trying to take the kid on a trip, one of us would have just paid the back CS, then just told dad to pay us back later.

Does he need to get caught up in CS, yes.

Was the child ever really going to be able to go, NO

Even if he paid everything he owes before the trip there would be another reason or hoop she would want him o jump. This isn't about money, or the kid. This is control. Period.