SD20 high risk for hurting herself..and this is what happens?
Just a note on this vent...I'm disengaged for the most part and rarely see SD20...SD doesn't like me nor attempts any type of relationship. I am always polite but don't go out of my way anymore to try and create any sort of bond. I have not voiced any of this to DH...hence the post here...I needed to get it off my chest I think...
So a couple of weeks ago my SD20 BF broke up with her. She was upset (understandably) and was having a hard time with it all. DH and BM were very supportive and encouraging that things would get better etc. Thursday evening she comes to our house to visit with DH..I go shower and do my thing to give them privacy...she is crying and whatnot due to her situation. There is lots of things will get better and blah blah.
So Friday morning DH get a call from BM saying that she is taking SD to a therapist because she is having such a hard time...which I thought was really smart. So she ends up talking to the therapist and SD says that she is having thoughts about hurting herself. Ok..so now we are all worried..BM takes SD20 to her doctor..gets Adavan and sleeping pills to try and help her cope. I thought this might be a bit drastic after only one consult with the therapist but that's just me.
So Friday evening DH calls SD to see if she wants to go out for supper. "Sorry Daddy...Me and Jess and Vick (her friends) are out at Jungle Jim's restaurant for supper! I'll call you tomorrow!"
Seemed a little odd to me...that someone who just got prescribed pills for depression and having self harm thoughts would be out with her friends that have no clue ...
Saturday - DH calls around lunch time to get SD20 to come down..."Sorry Daddy...me and some friends are at the beach!"
Calls Saturday evening...We are still at the beach then we are going out to eat!
Calls Sunday... "Oh Daddy..we ended up going out last night..but there was no one at the bar we usually go too..so we went bar hopping!"
OKkkk.... Not my kid I know...but I did cancel my plans for the weekend because of her issues and DH was really worried.
I can't get over the fact that BM (who is a nurse) let SD go out all weekend with her 20 yr old friends who had no idea how serious her depression was supposed to be..and drinking. I realize that she is SD is 20 but she does live with BM and drive BM car.
It kind of makes me resentful that we cancelled our plans for the weekend because of SD20, who in less than 24 hours seems perfectly ok. DH doesn't see it this way obviously...he is just relieved that she is feeling/acting better.
I think I'm being the evil SM here..maybe the SD was playing it up for the attention? And what's with BM letting her kid take pills and go out without someone aware of what's going on? Some times I wonder....
I agree that BM doesn't "let"
I agree that BM doesn't "let" SD do anything..to a point. She gave SD the car keys to her car after just coming from the doctor with a handful of pills! I know.. I know..not my kid...not my business...but if something had have happened then it would have affected us all. I just don't get it. I guess my parenting ideas and theirs are wayyyyy different!
It's not the driving
It's not the driving part..haha. I was thinking more along the lines of high risk of self harm...shouldn't be left alone...or with people who isn't aware of the situation. BM sent her on her way..I don't get it. Everything I read online on how to be supportive and of help to people who were in this situation..answer was not to leave the person unsupervised..and surrounding people unaware.
Maybe I'm reading too much into the cry for help? One trip to the therapist and pills..doesn't seem like much when SD was talking self harm. I would have thought she should have been monitored for a few days at least..maybe I am the over reactor...
The friends are awesome! The
The friends are awesome! The issue I had was that they had no idea less than 24 hours before SD was talking about self harm. They were totally unaware..what if something had happened?
Spot on!! My DH's 20 year
Spot on!! My DH's 20 year old daughter has done exactly this. All I had to do was peek at her FB page to realize she's okay since she got dumped. You should see all the "I'm the best thing that ever happened to you and you are a loser" memes she's posted. She's fine but her ego to a BIG hit. I hope she learned from this experience.
THIS My SD25 threatened
THIS
My SD25 threatened suicide last year when she BM and DH both refused to cosign for her apartment. BM panicked about the suicide threat and blew up DH's phone, but DH ignored it. Less than a week later, SD was visiting us, and there was no sign of her threats to self-harm. In fact, she was very happy, discussing the next apartment that came along that she ended up getting. While it was immature of my SD, it's still typical of a young emotional girl.
I understand your vent, and
I understand your vent, and it seems like the SD's actions are indicative of someone who isn't fully emotionally mature. Like many her age. I agree this seems to be more of an attention-seeking stunt than anything else. Some of it has been "learned" behavior - it is now widely taught that threats of suicide/self harm are treated seriously - even if it's only stated in passing. Thus, if some of them want their problem to take on great importance to those around them, they will state this out loud knowing they will get immediate attention.
I am an old timer, and can't begin to tell you how many times in my life I've heard distraught younger people sob how they felt like they wanted to "end it all" after a breakup. And like this young woman, within a week or so they were obviously moving on. That's part of life's lessons - that bad things happen but you learn resilience and move forward.
I'm certainly not discounting those with serious depression or a history of it, just that there seems to be a generalized rush for concern when a challenge like this presents itself.
I also think that while this particular situation is annoying and ticks you off, you must not stray from your solid ground: stay disengaged. If/when something serious indeed happens with the SD, then it's the time to support your DH. In the meantime, you may be presented with more "crying wolf" instances where it's best to distance yourself and not invest your own emotion in something that will amount to nothing.
Thanks for your comments and
Thanks for your comments and understanding. This really was a vent.because I do believe SD played her parents for attention by crying wolf over the self harm issue. I do believe that distance is the best course of action.
Again thank you!
"..we cancelled our plans for
"..we cancelled our plans for the weekend"
If OP and her husband made plans, and DH felt compelled to cancel due to the SD's drama, then she has a right to be ticked at this stage.
SD's actions had a direct, and negative, impact on OP.
I wonder if the SD is apologetic to BOTH her father and SM for having them cancel their plans.
If not (which is probably the case) then I would be unsympathetic at this point, too.