sd can't stand her
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Sd sees me wearing a dress then has to put one on cuz that's how she gets attention. She sees dad giving me attention so she puts on a dress it's crazy but I feel as though I'm supposed to notice her and say how cute she is, I refuse to compete with a damn 4 year old who has issues. Sick of it. How do I deal with this behavior.
I think so too she has
I think so too she has reactive attachment disorder..it's hard
I think so too she has
I think so too she has reactive attachment disorder..it's hard
Imitation is the since rest
Imitation is the since rest form of flattery. She's 4 I wouldn't try to apply adult reasoning to her
Ok I'm trying to look at it
Ok I'm trying to look at it that way
Ok I'm trying to look at it
Ok I'm trying to look at it that way
Professionals have diagnosed
Professionals have diagnosed this plus she has no stranger danger and was in and out of foster homes the list goes on she has a hard time looking you in the face hard time attaching the bm is still on herion and has abandoned them. My husband has it, his daughter has it, and it's very difficult because that is the way she gets attention good or bad.
Yes she was taken by the
Yes she was taken by the state on several occasions and she tries to get attention good or bad and that's not the way we get it around here. It's very hard to deal with it each day is new n I try to understand but...
Also the mom is on herion and just deserts her children pretty sad. They have been in so many foster homes and we're removed from them because they were disruptive. Her rad is severe and maybe she is trying to attach to me but at some points I don't want her to but guide her to be independent and dress appropriate. I wore the dress at home because it is muggy here. I think it's hard to distinguish but that to me should be ignored to give her attention. Maybe she will learn that's not how we get attention. She is going to see a thereapist.
You should discuss your
You should discuss your concerns with her therapist.
Parents of children diagnosed with RAD need regular contact with the child's therapist and may benefit from sessions on their own.
That is what I'm gonna do
That is what I'm gonna do
That is what I'm gonna do
That is what I'm gonna do
When dhs had her they tested
When dhs had her they tested her and both her and her brother have rad, stranger danger issues and many other problems. Both the bd and bm did not connect with the kids because they cared more about their meth addiction then the kids. Also they had illegal activity around the kids which taught them that they can talk to anyone. So, this is why I am saying all of this.
When dhs had her they tested
When dhs had her they tested her and both her and her brother have rad, stranger danger issues and many other problems. Both the bd and bm did not connect with the kids because they cared more about their meth addiction then the kids. Also they had illegal activity around the kids which taught them that they can talk to anyone. So, this is why I am saying all of this.
Having daughters, I can tell
Having daughters, I can tell you this is normal behaviour. They will emulate their female role model. My youngest wants slippers if I am wearing them, if I have a dressing gown on then she must too. My SS also went through this. If Polly wore fairy wings, he did too (no gender confusion comments fellow posters). When he was 4 (and not psycho) he would copy everything my husband did. If my husband wore shorts in freezing temps, so would he. If my husband was doing handyman stuff, my SS would emulate what he was doing.
This is normal, age appropriate behaviour in young children. Enjoy it while you have it and be pleased she sees you in that role. If this bothers you then I suggest you find ways to manage it within yourself.
How do I deal with this
How do I deal with this behavior
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
You need to grow up. That is how you deal.
She keeps claiming I'm a
She keeps claiming I'm a princess I'm thinking no my dear your not..you want to think you are but let her have her imagination. ., but she
Thinks that if I put a dress on that's how I'm going to get attention.. This disorder is hard to deal with..
I think you misunderstood my
I think you misunderstood my original post. She puts on a dress to get attention and feel in control and that is not normal for a child with rad. There is a fine line there on what is normal. She has never had a good role model in her life or anyone she can attach to. So she will find ways to get attention.
I think you misunderstood my
I think you misunderstood my original post. She puts on a dress to get attention and feel in control and that is not normal for a child with rad. There is a fine line there on what is normal. She has never had a good role model in her life or anyone she can attach to. So she will find ways to get attention.
Look up what rad is and
Look up what rad is and children who have it. They at 4 are supposed to have choices not be in control absolutely not. She isn't ever going to be in control until she is 18 and even then of her life and herself. Parents are the control not the child. She knows boundaries and rules with respect. So she can do the same to others.
Look up what rad is and
Look up what rad is and children who have it. They at 4 are supposed to have choices not be in control absolutely not. She isn't ever going to be in control until she is 18 and even then of her life and herself. Parents are the control not the child. She knows boundaries and rules with respect. So she can do the same to others.
I don't think you understand
I don't think you understand and this is going no where if you are here to judge me then please go somewhere else. I simply have feelings of frustrations due to sd having a need to seek love and attention . It's not healthy, I don't think she is imitating me, she thinks I'm dad's favorite and he will give me more attention because this is how I am going to get it. That's wrong..
Judging you based on what you
Judging you based on what you have posted is wrong.
Judging a 4 year old based on what you have posted is just fine.
The child sounds like she's doing normal kid stuff in spite of her diagnosis. I can't say the same about you.
Tonight I SAID THE Dress Is
Tonight I SAID THE Dress Is mine I want to be a.princess too she's like no. So, th A T just sys that she doesn't want to be a princess it's all ab o ut her, no its not.
Why was she in and out of
Why was she in and out of foster homes? I understand BM was/is on heroin - but where was her Dad in all of this?
The foster homes the first
The foster homes the first two her and her brother were together and disruptive, the last one they split them up. These children would bully the foster kids so that's one, two these has epilepsy and they saw she had a lot of disabilities that with her they could not deal with.
Let me be more clear. When
Let me be more clear. When she was take from her mother, why was she put in a foster home instead of with her Dad? Does he have the ability to take care of her?
The bio dad was locked up for
The bio dad was locked up for meth use, and she played keep away from him. Until dhs got involved. On more then one occasion. He has custody of them now, and he is more then capable of caring for them. He was not at the time capable to care for them due to his addiction. Now, he's doing well and the kids are doing better thus have to feel safe and stable since being moved from foster home to foster home, most of their lives..
May I ask your age? Also,
May I ask your age?
Also, have you told us where biodad was when the kids were in foster care?
You keep saying the girl only put the dress on for attention, so she is attention-seeking. Does she get enough or is she ignored a lot?
ETA: I see, just saw that biodad was a meth-head.
We both are 38 and have 3
We both are 38 and have 3 children. Baby who is 3 month a 3 year old and a 4 year old.no she doesn't get ignored but she try to get unhealthy
Attention because of the rad, and other disabilities. Some of it has to do with her meds. The baby gets all the attention but when the sd sees that she tries to get attention. She even does it to her brother.
We are trying to do that dad
We are trying to do that dad spends a lot of time with everyone, but she always seeks more. I told his son this morning looks like he made his bed and she pipes up and says look mom I made my bed. I ignore that behavior. But the baby needs a lot of attention, which she gets jelous but realize she gets love to but a child with rad you can't be pushy, so we do what she allows us that's not to much
.
Why would you just ignore her
Why would you just ignore her instead of simply saying good job, I'm proud of you....? She reaching out. You know why she's reaching out and you make the choice to just ignore her.
She wants attention. That's
She wants attention. That's exactly what it is and I was not even speaking to her.
OMG Whoever placed those kids
OMG
Whoever placed those kids in your home made a huge mistake.
Wanting attention is NORMAL. Your reaction to her is not.
She wants attention. That's
She wants attention. That's exactly what it is and I was not even speaking to her.
The baby is my n hubby's the
The baby is my n hubby's the 2 n 3 year old are his from someone else. I don't know how to help her disability that is y I am seeking advice. Her poor life wait, I am not giving her anymore attention then the son but the baby yes because 3 month Olds can't take care of themselfes.
The baby is my n hubby's the
The baby is my n hubby's the 2 n 3 year old are his from someone else. I don't know how to help her disability that is y I am seeking advice. Her poor life wait, I am not giving her anymore attention then the son but the baby yes because 3 month Olds can't take care of themselfes.
Since you nor your husband
Since you nor your husband have a job, giving all 3 kids the love and attention they need should not be that difficult.
I think, considering what
I think, considering what this poor kid has gone through, that the next time this happens you sit her down, style her hair, paint her nails, put some jewelry on her, and then have her do the same to you. Have some fun with it!
OMG, after reading your other
OMG, after reading your other recent comments I have nothing else to say. You make no sense and I think this is a bogis post.
Peace out and good luck.
ETA: I think you may be on meth too. Sorry, but that's the only way all of this could make any sense.
Those poor kids.
I think you don't understand
I think you don't understand really.. so you get on here out of frustration and say I am on meth, that's weird to me.
My husband has custody of his two toddlers, who are 3 and 4. Since the beginning of time they have been in and out of foster care due to the bio mom drug use. The 4 year old sd is seeking attention which is part of her rad.
UNLESS her attention seeking
UNLESS her attention seeking behavior is unhygienic, sexual, or violent/aggressive in nature--it is NORMAL kids stuff. Just because she was diagnosed with RAD doesn't mean she doesn't have normal child behavior and you can't point every damn thing she does as part of her RAD.
If she ripped the dress off of you and told you you can't wear it and only she can, then yeah, I'd say that's part of her RAD that must be addressed. But you're telling me that she is a 4 year old putting on a dress to emulate a role model because she WANTS TO BE LIKED by the people most important to her tiny, 4 year old heart--which only consists of her family at this point, and you have a problem with it, I'm going to say you're a problem and I am SO SAD for her.
So putting on a dress I'm
So putting on a dress I'm suppose to like her n acknowledge her every time, when there are 2 others in the home I'm suppose to give her more love and affection because of her poor life, ate u kidding me right now? What is that gonna teach her if I am not getting normal attention I'll go put on a dress maybe they will notice me then. Girl please.
Wow, NO one said you give her
Wow, NO one said you give her more attention based on her sad life. No, YOU don't have to give her attention but her DAD does--she is desperate to confirm (and kids will confirm, confirm, confirm which is why they ask questions over and over and over again) that her father cares and loves her, so she will try things that she thinks is working for others--this is something that girls and even boys WITH OR WITHOUT RAD will do at this age.
Putting on a pretty dress to show our loved one is something that YOUNG GIRLS FROM PROBABLY BIRTH AND UNTIL WE'RE OLD WRINKLY WOMEN, do so our loved ones can compliment us too. Otherwise, you better not freak out when your DH doesn't give a shit when you have a new haircut or a nice dress on. Fathers can and should compliment their daughters on looking nice (if the clothing is appropriate) so when they are young women out in the world, they know what is a proper compliment and what isn't.
You keep saying she sees a therapist--you should probably see her therapist and pose this same scenario and see what they say is normal development.
Why is it so hard for you to
Why is it so hard for you to praise her for making her bed as well???
I swear to dog, if this is all real, it's no wonder why she is attention-seeking! Have some compassion for dog's sake!
Okay. No I don't understand,
Okay. No I don't understand, sorry.
I think you and her dad need a lot of parental education.
She sees a therapist for her
She sees a therapist for her issues. But it still drives me insane..
If you can't handle it and be
If you can't handle it and be a positive influence in her life, you need to leave. This poor girl has been tossed around too much!
How is it weird that I care
How is it weird that I care about an innocent little girl who has already been though so much in her very short life??
It does make sense the sd
It does make sense the sd wants attention she sees dad looking at me when I am wearing a dress so she thinks maybe if I wear a dress I'll get attention two. Everyday it's so different .. but thanks for name calling, I've never done drugs in my life, but thanks for putting me into that category. Sorry that u have never had dhs in ur life, or kids with disabilities.. we don't treat them any less but learn how to deal with the behavior.. so ur perfect too.
It does make sense the sd
It does make sense the sd wants attention she sees dad looking at me when I am wearing a dress so she thinks maybe if I wear a dress I'll get attention two. Everyday it's so different .. but thanks for name calling, I've never done drugs in my life, but thanks for putting me into that category. Sorry that u have never had dhs in ur life, or kids with disabilities.. we don't treat them any less but learn how to deal with the behavior.. so ur perfect too.
Well, I don't think this is
Well, I don't think this is bogus but I think OP needs to take some damn parenting classes. My daughter is 3 and sometimes to get her to PUT ON A DRESS (otherwise she'd walk around naked) I have to TELL HER she is a princess and that mommy has a dress too--don't you want to be like mommy? I also as an extra push and reinforcement, tell her to go show daddy her dress so he can tell her how pretty she is, and thus, keep the dress ON.
Like if you have a problem with this, you're not cut out to be around children, period.
I agree, and dammit it pisses
I agree, and dammit it pisses me off that I spelled bogus wrong.
I still can't believe this is real though.
4 year old on meds for an
4 year old on meds for an attachment disorder?
What has the world come to?
Hug the kid, let her dress up and be a princess. Have DH take her out on a daddy daughter tea date.
Poor baby
Around that age my daughter
Around that age my daughter sometimes wore a princess dress, cowboy boots, a tiara and a cape, all while carrying a baby doll. My boys wore capes, pieces of halloween costumes, carried nerf swords and had pockets full of hot wheels and legos. Sometimes there was even some critter they had captured somewhere in their clothes.
Let her be a kid
Exactly. I'm afraid OP just
Exactly.
I'm afraid OP just doesn't want her in her life.
She has epilepsy, that is
She has epilepsy, that is what she's on meds for.
Oh Lord, it just keeps
Oh Lord, it just keeps getting better.
Please give some positive attention to this poor little girl.
She's a four year old who
She's a four year old who want to be loved. Shame on her!
Both parents have failed these kids. You are ignoring a 4 year old who is proud that she made her bed? Okay.
She has never had a good role model in her life
And she still doesn't. Yes, she is damaged and it's obvious that you are not equipped to deal with it and will probably do more damage.
If I didn't care about her I
If I didn't care about her I would not have put her into thereapy, nor even got her a iep for school or a nurse to make sure she's ok during school. I am such a bad mom.. I am on here to get advice not to be criticized. The father didn't do this I did. So, everyone that has commented on here thinks that a child that is disabled and has rad acts normal, and that no matter what I am supposed to care about her and just let her run all over me the baby her dad her brother and just suck it up? Right that's what I am supposed to do and when she's agressive toward a 3 month old that's ok too. And I am just supposed to go oh well .. does that sound right? Sure doesn't to me.,1
This little girl has RAD and
This little girl has RAD and Epilesy, has been in multiple foster homes, and parents were meth and heroin addicts, and you can't stand her. Well F u and grow up!!
ETA: Never mind, you HAVE to be a crew.
If u have nothing helpful
If u have nothing helpful please don't comment .
I don't care to read your negativity punts and put downs.. Please be gone..
If u have nothing helpful
If u have nothing helpful please don't comment .
I don't care to read your negativity punts and put downs.. Please be gone..
So the sd wanted to wear a
So the sd wanted to wear a dress I helped her put it on with her little high heels, and told her how cute she was..I want her to be herself not like me.. I want all the children to be themselfes, but in still values to live by..
Her father and I are dealing
Her father and I are dealing with these issues together, however wanting to wear a dress and askung for help to put it on is one thing however to seek attention is totally different.
Thank you for being negative like the rest. I appreciate that I can't come on here to vent but to be criticized as a step parent ab o ut our 4 year old.. I really don't care about your criticism infact that just makes you all that much better right and life is s o perfect that when we feel this way we aren't supposed to express it. Well, then sorry life isn't all peachy and she has severe issues I do what I can for her, and that's all and when I come here to vent it is a place to vent, right? There are you folks that don't like it. I am not here to impress anyone of you.. go find someone else to harass and be nasty to instead of giving advice or understanding. You all are so f perfect and such perfect parents who obviously have never experienced this and I am wrong for feeling this way. Girl please..
Isn't getting attention
Isn't getting attention exactly what you seemed and received when you pranced out in your dress. So you were feeling muggy, put on a dress, came out and soaked up every ounce of complementary attention DH handed it.
The bed making? When both children make their bed, why acknowledge one one child and not both? You purposely withheld acknowledgement and attention to the little girl, then got angry when she called you on it.
I seriously feel if you are going to raise this child you end support group, specialized programs for parents in training to appropriately parent and assist this child blah blah blah. I'm actually surprised the child was placed with her father and you without mandatory participation in assistance training programs. Dad and your role now is to help this child to cope and thrive ...it's not happening and how things are currently isnt working.
People are giving you advice.
People are giving you advice. The problem is it isn't what you want to hear.
The vast majority of posters here are not going to cheer and high 5 when an adult is mean to a child. That whole bed making thing was down right nasty. A simple smile, head nod, thumbs-up, good job....would have made that little girl's day.
Her father and I are dealing
Her father and I are dealing with these issues together, however wanting to wear a dress and askung for help to put it on is one thing however to seek attention is totally different.
Thank you for being negative like the rest. I appreciate that I can't come on here to vent but to be criticized as a step parent ab o ut our 4 year old.. I really don't care about your criticism infact that just makes you all that much better right and life is s o perfect that when we feel this way we aren't supposed to express it. Well, then sorry life isn't all peachy and she has severe issues I do what I can for her, and that's all and when I come here to vent it is a place to vent, right? There are you folks that don't like it. I am not here to impress anyone of you.. go find someone else to harass and be nasty to instead of giving advice or understanding. You all are so f perfect and such perfect parents who obviously have never experienced this and I am wrong for feeling this way. Girl please..
So sd lied ugh, seriously she
So sd lied ugh, seriously she is destructive with toys her stuff, lies hits all for attention. I am at my wits end with this crap. Everyone thinks she is normal um no people she is getting attention good or bad.
So sd lied ugh, seriously she
So sd lied ugh, seriously she is destructive with toys her stuff, lies hits all for attention. I am at my wits end with this crap. Everyone thinks she is normal um no people she is getting attention good or bad.
@oregonducks, please forgive
@oregonducks, please forgive my initial self righteous responses to your dilemma. I got to thinking that if I had a 4, 3, 2 yr old, plus a new baby all in my care and the 4 year old demanded more attention than all of them I would lose it. 3 of these preschoolers are DH's kids. You've got a very demanding situation and it sounds like the kids are mostly in your care. How did the responsibility of all these children get dumped on you? That's a huge jump to go from no kids, to 3 very young step kids, to now 4 small children who all need something.
Ask for help in this situation and let DH know that sd4's issues are more than you have the capacity to handle. You've got your hands full with the new baby so he really needs to get on the ball and make sure his other kids are being taken care of. I may have missed it and am not going to re read everything, but where's the BM? Do you or DH have family that can help out once in a while?
I also hope the two of you have discussed and are using birth control because you've got a full house and are overwhelmed enough without getting pregnant again. DH should seriously consider getting the snip.
Bm, is doing herion. We have
Bm, is doing herion. We have 2 toddlers they both have disabilities, plus the new baby. The toddlers are his and the baby is his n mine together. It is super difficult to deal with civil rivalries, plus their disability and then the baby who is 3 months old. We ate not letting the mother have anything to do with them due to her continuous herion use and illegal activity. We only have the 3 kids, but it's not easy. Believe I am too old for this .. period no more kids here..