I thought we had the perfect Situation

I honestly thought we had the perfect situation. I was a single mom of 13 you son, he was a dad to 2 little girls 5 and 8. We were both doing it all alone. His wife had died when the girls were 1 and 3. My son's dad was never in his life. Now I was 33 and thought I had found my soulmate. Well he never disciplined his kids. I became the stepbitch and hated. Now the girls are 19 and 22 ando are making my husband choose between a relationship between them or me. It's hurts so much to have stepped into the mom role through all the school years then be dropped now that they are adults.I'm hurting badly

MRIGirlie's blog
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Do the stepdaughters still

Do the stepdaughters still live at home?

Do you know why they might

Do you know why they might have caused this. Usually people don't just do a 180 without some sort of cause. Not saying that the reason is reasonable, but generally people don't flip a switch for no reason. Maybe there are other people getting involved and poisoning the well?

The SD are both out of the

The SD are both out of the house now. It started to go downhill when they hit the teenage years. Being the only one that disciplined them there hate just went out of control. I just recently learned that through our entire marriage my husband would tell them behind my back not to worry about my punishments and that I would get over it. He admitted betraying me for over 10 years to keep them liking him. Now he admits he just can't ever be mean to them. I'm so upset that he would end our marriage just to please them

Wow, so for all your years,

Wow, so for all your years, your DH was undermining you. I have no idea what kind of disciplinarian you were. I have no idea whether your demands were reasonable or not but the fact that your husband would go behind your back so that you had no idea he was saying those things is horrible.

I mean, I don't know, maybe you are one of those people that flies off the handle easily. If you add in that he maybe is super non-confrontational, that could be why he was telling his girls to just "ride out the storm". If that was the case though, you must have been pretty tone def to the dynamic that you were losing your "sht" and he was just sitting by doing nothing. You are way past the point now where you could MAKE HIM PARENT his own children.

I do have to make one correction to your line of thinking. Disciplining children does not = mean. If you feel like that is how how you discipline or punish then that could be part of the problem. We shouldn't parent in anger or punish to be mean. Hopefully, we set expectations and consequences that are commensurate with each other. The punishment should fit the crime.

I don't know how you can fix things now. Maybe counseling would help. I wonder what other things your DH has been keeping from you or brushing under the rug.

" I'm so upset that he would

" I'm so upset that he would end our marriage just to please them"

I'm really not 'getting' the situation. If these girls are out of the home and now living as adults, why a big ultimatum now? Dad can see them on their own turf (assuming you're not forbidding contact with his adult children).

You and DH focus on your marriage and daily home life. Why a need for a 'them or me', 'us or her'? There has 5o be more to your issues other than his daughters don't like you.

If he isn't willing to tell

If he isn't willing to tell his ADULT children they have no say over his marriage, then it's unfortunately over. Why they gave him this ultimatum doesn't matter, but the fact that he isn't willing to tell them it's none of their business is huge. If they don't want a relationship with you, that's fine, but no child should be telling their parent who they can or can't be with.