Um, there's no "protocol," but if it were me, I'd use the whole week to myself! No way would I keep his child while he was out of town when she's perfectly fine with BM, nor would I subject myself to dinner with BM at her house!! I guess every situation is different, but that sounds kind of outrageous to me. I've been married to DH for 16 years, together for 17, and we have had a civil relationship with BM for the sake of the SSs (who are grown now) but no way do I want to voluntarily on my own free time sit down and break bread with a woman my husband used to sleep with! (Thankfully, neither does he!) Gives me the creeps.

If you agree to do this, you will be setting a precedent for all future out-of-town excursions the bio-dad goes on. And it will be much harder to break away from it once you have started.

There is nothing wrong with insisting that the time be used for yourself. Set your boundaries now. Make your expectations crystal clear now. You aren't married, you aren't engaged. You are under no obligation to saddle yourself to child who is not yours. Especially one who has what sounds like two capable parents.

Not your responsibility. I'm not even sure why you would go to bio mom's for one night. Why do you need to see his daughter when your SO is out of town?

I've been with my DH for 19 years and watched my SD for about 4 hours in all of those years (when DH had to work half a day on Saturday). It was really 2 hours, by the time she got out of bed. And it was about 6 or 7 years into the relationship.

You are not one of her parents.

I may be facing a similar situation this summer as DP's job is changing focus and he may be traveling at times.

However, we also own a house together and are getting married this summer.

We already discussed it briefly, he's aware that he cannot leave his responsibility for the SDs (10 and 12) on me during his time (he has 50/50 with BM). However, because we've been together for three years, and the girls are more independent, I am willing to help with some things so long as the travel is intermittent and short. We'll negotiate what that means as things move along.

P's father passed away last year, before we were engaged...I helped with SDs a couple nights (over the course of about 10 days) that were pre-arranged with BM due to the emergency. But that was because it was a special situation.

If I were you, and we were only dating and living separately? No. He needs to figure it out. If you are serious about getting involved, you'll need to be able to discuss things like this together; you are not their mom and have no responsibility for them. He needs to get that.

No you're not a total witch, you are not a witch at all.

"Sorry, I have plans." End of discussion.

I would imagine that each parent has the first right of refusal. Has he even asked the ex if she is available? No disrespect, but as a birth mom, I would definitely have my kids under my roof if my ex had to be away, and not with his gf.

No you're not a witch. Do what YOU want to do. If he can't accept that his daughter is not your responsibility, especially for such an extended number of days, I would rethink this relationship. There is no reason to make your needs small for any man

It is also very assuming of him and you know how to spell ass-u-me. He just assumed that you would want to watch his child? I just don't understand men sometimes.

I stopped at "had dinner at bio mom's" I'm not sure I could do that. And No, I wouldn't be watching his kid that week. That should be bio mom's week.

Don't think it's your place to watch the child he had with another woman when you aren't even married. Just tell him that you made plans because you assumed the girl would be with her mother while he was out of town. You don't have any legal guardianship relationship with her. She has a mom and that should be the option right now.

yup. agree with others. No - you are not obligated and you shouldn't watch her since it will be expected if you start this now.

He is being pushy and that is a big red flag to me. You are not her mommy and never will be.

I'm laughing at the thought of going to BMs house for dinner, I'd never ever do that, but my SDs BM has disrespected me with a disgusting frequency. I agree with everyone on here, you aren't obligated. Also agree that if you do it once, it'll be expected of you every time. Do whatever you want to do.

Funny that he isn't inviting you out of town with him, but yet you can stay and play nanny. Sounds like the start of a doormat/user relationship.

Emotions aside ... what happens if there is a medical emergency? You cannot (even if you were married) sign off on any consent for the girl to be treated. I could not for my s/sons and DH could not for my kids. Even being engaged offers no legal cover. Why do people think being engaged offers you some legal status? So from a legal standpoint you have nothing.

You have plans. The girl should be with her mother and SF. There is no need for you to spend time with her. You are her fathers girlfriend, nothing more. So it is better for her to be with her mother (who is her legal parent) in case something happens.

Do not emesh yourself with her mother. You will become the unpaid babysitter whether she is a nice woman or not. Just be polite and keep your distance because nothing permanent, ever.

You seem like a very nice person. And if you don't want to resent the Miss7 in the future draw your lines now and get treated the way you want to be treated.

Why the hell would you even ask this?! Uh. No. Gag. Let the whole "I want you to love her like she's your own child" bullshit begin.

no...not a witch at all...in fact, agreeing to even eat with BM would be close to sainthood in my eyes...what would he do if you were not available? he would figure something out...if you don't want to do it don't...nobody could call you a witch for that...

No Way.
You are a girlfriend, not the parent. If this was an emergent situation, even then you should only be watching the child until BM could get her.

As stated above by oneoffour, you would run into problems if there is a medical situation because you have NO legal standing. A step-parent doesn't either in most places. You would have to get a paper called something like "Power of Attorney for Medical Care" for the time period you are solely responsible for the child.

Do not start this precedent at this point in the relationship. You aren't the parent, you aren't the sitter, you aren't the responsible party. IF you marry this guy, then you might watch the kid while he runs to the store for 30 minutes, but that's about it. 2 functional parents who live within a reasonable drive of each other should be responsible for their own child. Allow it to be otherwise and you will likely come to resent it.

tell him you can't, you have plans with your friends, your tv, your gym, whatever. You are not obligated and anything you do is a courtesy.