new relationship, 20 old step child won't look me
Hi all,
im new to the forums, searched couldn't find a similar question so here goes.
I'm in a new relationship (2 months) and we are very close already. My new partner has a 20 month old baby from her previous marriage and it's getting to the point I want to get to know him. I have met him twice now for about 30 minutes at a time at his house but when I am there he just clings to his mum until I have left (although he happily waves when I leave) i am really struggling with this as I don't know what to do because he won't do anything but cling to his mum.
My problem is this may be a big problem for his mum if he won't settle around me and could cause us to seperate which I obviously don't want. I have read a lot of information that suggests we should meet in a park for short periods first which I am going to suggest today.
She has been reluctant to let me meet him because it's a big step and when problems like this happen she wants to wait a lot longer. I feel a huge amount of pressure to make this work and am finding it very hard to deal with.
Has anyone had similar problems or situations that can help?
Thanks
My 4 year old still rarely
My 4 year old still rarely hugs my father who he sees every week!
I would say it's not only too soon to really be meeting this child, but it's very common for little ones to cling to their parents around strangers, or people they don't know very well. My 12 month old will only allow me or my husband to hold him. My 3 year old is not nearly as clingy, but I would think he was at less than 2 years old.
After only 2 months, concentrate on your relationship with the mother. I'm surprised the mother didn't tell you this was to be expected and normal behavior.
Fortunately it's a lot easier
Fortunately it's a lot easier for stepfathers. Different struggles but much different from stepmothering.
creepy .
creepy .
This is actually a very
This is actually a very normal child behavior from the developmental step point. Kids go through developmental stages and act a certain way during those stages (and his behavior is normal). It would be a lot more alarming if he went to every adult and cuddled with them instead without caring who is in front of them. You can read up on attachment development and child development. It is normal the way he acts. Nad his mom knows it is normal.
You only met him twice for 30 minutes, so you are still a new person to him. Once you are around more and you interact in a very positive way, it will be different (and you may not like that he will want a lot of attention from you later on).
I do think you two need to wait a lot longer. Two month is just no time at all and if the kid gets attached to you and then something doesn't work out and you leave, he will be traumatized.
Do stuff with both the kid
Do stuff with both the kid and his mom. Go for walks in a park with you on one side of the kid holding his hand and his mom on the other swinging him between you as you walk and talk, put him on your shoulders while you are exploring, chase ducks on a golf course, take them to lunch somewhere with a kid play scape and crawl around the play scape with him.
These are all things that my bride of 21+ years and I did while we were dating. The Skid was with us just about constantly. What we did, he did with us. We even took him to movies with us (the first was the second Jurasic Park movie) He had his own drink, his own small popcorn, a small Sour Patch Kids, and he sat and watched the movie sitting in a seat between his mom and I.
You are in likely the optimal place in your relationship to form an equity life partnership with a single parent and to be this child's father. I was and have been dad to my SS-23 since he was about the same age as your GF's son is.
The lynchpin to making this a successful long term relationship is that you and your GF have to be on the same page. She has to reassure the child that you are okay and that she is happy with you. You need to take the actions of engaging with the kid.
It is not rocket science and it works.
If this woman is THE one I would council you not to put too much into any advice that tells you anything other that you are the one that will make this work if your GF is your equity partner in the effort. If she is not an equity partner willing to give you full equity parent status as the relationship grows then you should follow the advice of those telling you then don't waste your time.
I have a 22 month old and
I have a 22 month old and that kid acts that way to people seen everyday. Every time someone looks or smiles at the kid, she clings to me like a leachy monkey. Just sayin.
On to meat & gravy, what the hell are you even talking about? You meet the kid twice, the chick is recently divorced and you're in a rush here, why? Slow down buddy! Relax a little and see how this plays out. You sound very young and clingy. In all honesty, this might sting but from your words, you're not ready for this relationship.
Give this girl some time, be her friend on the sideline, let this build at a snails pace. There is no reason what so ever to rush this. This chick should know this and so should you.
I don't mean to sound so harsh this am but damn... calm it down bro.