Overreacting? Or just being difficult
So if anyone recalls SO wouldnt go visit his adult kids w/o me wanted to wait until I was available.
SO and I both took the same week off, as we have been so busy with work, extra curricular sports and kids we have been telling each other we miss each other and need to spend a day or 2 together, i thought that would start this friday, nope, he just told me yesterday after work he missed his kids n his grbaby so he booked a flight for fridsy and may come back wed or thursdsy. Ok great i have no issues with his visit etc, but I am hurt that he knew I wanted to spend time with him and that I've been missing "us"
He said well you told me to go see my kids without you, so now I am and you are complaining.
I said well we both just were saying how we needed to spend some time together and thats why we booked this week off, i said i have no issue with you going but why not go the end of next week after we have had some time together, he said tough im going to see my kids and that he's done trying to please me.
So did you guys both discuss
So did you guys both discuss taking this week off with the intentions of spending time together, then he made the plans with his kids?
Either way, he already made the plans. Let him go. He misses his kids and grandbaby.
Just make sure you guys spend time when he gets back.
Agree...
Agree...
I agree. I mentioned to him
I agree. I mentioned to him he could go any weekend but he chooses the week we both have taken off together. He hasnt even booked a return flight so I don't know when he is to return, he could be saying wed but come back the following sunday. I am very hurt and well very hurt, i have told him the way I feel and and he texted ne yesterday to ask me if I will be home when he gets back which I didnt reply. We havent spoken in 2 days. He hasnt said a word to me since I told him how Hurt I felt he only texted me wanting to know if I was leaving....
I just dont understand what is the reason for him to be passive aggressive towards me?
Oh, well he's showing you,
Oh, well he's showing you, isn't he?!
What an ass.
Whats the message he's
Whats the message he's sending me??
The message I'm getting from
The message I'm getting from this is your marriage isn't a priority to him and he's placing his inability to have a relationship with his kids, on you. If you both discussed this week off, and he was aware the intent was to spend time together, then he clearly is on an eff you pattern.
You have some time to yourself right now, it would be a good time to consider your options and decide if this is the kind of marriage you want to have.
I'm sorry for you that he took this route, instead of being up front and honest about his own feelings.
Rekey the locks while he is
Rekey the locks while he is gone and when his key doesn't work and he calls you tell him "tough shit".
End of problem and good riddance.
Any man that puts anyone above his bride deserves to be living at the homeless camp under the highway over pass.
Any man that puts anyone
Any man that puts anyone above his bride deserves to be living at the homeless camp under the highway over pass.
Yay Rags!!! It is so good to hear a man say this. Your bride is a lucky woman:)
I almost copy/pasted it and sent it to my DH.
Totally agree with Rags. F U
Totally agree with Rags. F U bah bye. No one should speak to you that way and my guess is he made plans for these days to stick it to you.
OP - This is a tough one.
OP - This is a tough one. You did tell him to go anytime without you, but now you are both off together. Sigh, it's hard but I would let him go and tell him I was making plans to go visit my family, visit old friends, etc. and not going to be around waiting for him. After all, it is your time off as well.
But quantify your telling him to go visit his kids without you anytime in the future to be sure that you make it known that if you are both off together then you expect to spend that time together.
What is done is done, one can only clarify for the future.
I just want to cry. I feel
I just want to cry. I feel sorry for him he had the best most loving woman at his side through hell and the best times.
He would rather play games with me than be loved by me.
Just a note we aren't married
Just a note we aren't married been living together 3 years.
So this means the house is
So this means the house is his his? He seems to be encouraging you to leave. Are you in a good place to do so? Maybe it's time for a little time off from this guy. A little time off from each other will give you both an opportunity to think things through. If he asks for you to go back one of the stipulations for your return should be that you are his top priority, and when he agrees to something there will be no reversals. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. (((HUGS)))
He bought you tubs for
He bought you tubs for packing. You're not married. While he's gone, pack up every bloody thing you own/want and GTH out of there. Change your phone number and make certain he is blocked from calling your work phone. What an asshat.
THIS That statement sounds
THIS
That statement sounds like he's done with the relationship.
Correct its his house and yes
Correct its his house and yes he is encouraging me to leave as he just brought in some rubbermaid totes to "help me pack"
unfortunate and sad but at least I know now.
Yeah, he really is an ass.
Yeah, he really is an ass. And a coward, too, because he is using this as his excuse to do what he didn't have the guts to do before. This isn't about his kids.
I would go and live a great life without him.
He has his reason he always
He has his reason he always tells me not to say anything regarding his kids or Im gone, i havent said anything about his kids im upset with hos timing he doesnt give a shit. I need to deal with it. We both said we needed to spend time together and yet he isnt even coming home after work he's flying out right after work until who knows when was I blindsided yep.
So he had it planned and put us on the shelf.
Why on earth would you feel
Why on earth would you feel sorry for this POS idiot? You can't fix stupid and for sure you should not continue to invest in it.
Move on, let him wallow in his idiocy.
Move on to an amazing life that you can enjoy free of this dipshit and his toxic stupid decisions that resulted in manipulative and toxic spawn.
Take care of yourself and do not give this loser idiot one microsecond of thought, sorrow, or regret. Celebate your new life.
^^^THIS!^^^ It's OVER. Now
^^^THIS!^^^
It's OVER. Now make a plan and move out and onward with your life. Be gone before he returns, and resolve to never be a doormat again. Try getting good and angry. That anger will give you the power you need to do what must be done.
Oh, and before you walk out the door for the last time? Urinate in the closets & put some dead fish in the attic or air ducts. You'll feel so much better.
Ultimately, it is up to you
Ultimately, it is up to you and what you decide. But I will say that if you allow him to treat you like this and stay? You are in for a very miserable life.
Be relieved that you haven't wasted anymore time of your life and move on.
Thanks everyone I am so
Thanks everyone I am so grateful for all your tips and replies.
As it goes this morning, he called left a message as I didnt answer and wanted to know if I would go with him or what I am doing for the the week and that he will take my 2 kids with him on his trip as now he thinks he is going to drive instead of fly.
I feel like this is some sort of trickery or manipulation. I get it we can spend time together on the trip but really? Any other weekend he could of gone and now im getting "come with" or i can take the kids for a trip" i just feel like its manipulating.
He already bought the totes
He already bought the totes for you to pack your things in. How much of a hint is that? The guy thought things through and is now back-peddling. 'Manipulating' is an understatement. Can you trust him not to go back to where his thinking was yesterday? Be truthful and tell him you are taking a trip with your kids. When he leaves to visit the skids, pack everything up and find yourself another place to live. He will be begging for you to come back when he realizes the skids only have so much time for bonding with him. He's not worth it. You are SOOO lucky you did not marry this jerk!
Oh and no no shared accounts
Oh and no no shared accounts and no my name is not on the house.
Darling run don't walk. Get
Darling run don't walk. Get out of there. Let him find a door mat you're too good for him.
I just have to say thank you
I just have to say thank you to all of you who came to my comfort and support when I needed it. It is a very shitty place to be when you don't know where you are in a relationship. For me I made our relationship a priority which to me is different than just simply making him my priority. I will always put my relationship as a priority as I will only choose those worthy enough. I know that on the surface sounds stuck up but really thats what all of us single moms or responsible independant women do we dont take the first slug that bats an eye at us we have standards higher than our heels!
I am so releived and unbelivably comfortable today because he gave it too me. As you know about going to see his kids fiasco., when push came to shove he flat out in my face said " you are absolutely right, canadiangirl you are not my fucking priority, my daughter is my kids are deal with it" " i aint ever going change"
Do you know how much that felt like getting punched in the face? I wanted to cry but didnt, instead I thanked him for telling me that. I believed it all along, i felt it as we all can feel when we are treated second or like an option, but the relief I had knowing, hearing it the freedom I have now knowing that I gave my all and could continue suffering and feeling like if I only.... or If maybe I........fuck that! The freedom I have the feeling of knowing it! Releasing me from toxic, negative living in the past behavior just a breath of fresh air. No regrets, i would regret staying cheers to all and may i wish you all the very best happiest lives!!! And thank you all and truly i wish you all happiness and wish for all of you who have given love, time, compassion and just being a soundboard to only be used, ignored and stepped on, to be devalued and exploited, to only be unappreciated, unaccepted and blamed I can sincerely relate and know how it feels to feel like that. i really hope I raise my kids as well as my parents raised me! Ohh i've been a loose cannon and wild child, but I always had morals and standards and self respect. Thanks to my parents. Now that I am much older I hope my kids appreciate, respect people, work hard and find love! Thank you again everyone for being here.
I sincerely wish the very
I sincerely wish the very best for you. You know you are on the right track now. You are so wise to keep positive. It's like you've learned a lesson, and shared it with all of us: We all deserve no less than to be loved and cherished by the man in our life. You are ready to move on to a much better life for both you and your kids. Good luck and (((HUGS))), but don't leave us, OK? You have so much wisdom to share - still.
Thanks guys! Its true it
Thanks guys! Its true it hurts, naturally, as it should whenever we lose someone really important to us.
I am too much of a "need to know, need to hear it " girl to seal the deal. I knew it was going to come out. I was as prepared as I could be, or thought I could be. But yes as painful as it is, it is very cleansing to get on with my life! And not be bitter or spiteful can't be bothered! Just want to feel and be truly happy!