Well I feel stupid
But I kind of have to laugh because this is getting ridiculous. Sd15 and I have not had a great relationship for a while, which I have written about. It weighs on me, because despite the fact that I am not happy with some of her behavior, I never want her to feel like I don't love her or that she isn't welcome. I feel less welcoming when she brings her entitled attitude, but that's something I am working on how to deal with better. Today she was here and off school, I was working from home. She has been sleeping in her brothers room since he left in August for college. It's in the basement, private and bigger than her room and she wants it. Dh told her it is not the time to switch rooms, this is SS's first year at college and we don't want him to feel like we are taking his room away. We wanted to get through winter break when he is home for a month and see what his summer plans are before making any decisions. Ss kindly did give her permission to hang out in there though, so now she has destroyed 2 bedrooms. Today she asked me where the broom was, bc his room was dusty and dirty and she was cleaning it. I thought that was so nice, he is going to be home for Thanksgiving and now his room will be clean. I decided today would be a good day to sit down with her and tell her that I love her, that I was sorry things haven't been great between us, and that I would really like to work on changing that. I went down there to tell her, I am sure I caught her off guard. She didn't sit down...I got emotional and cried (I can't help myself) and she did but me and say thank you, but I feel like was more a reaction to me crying than what I said. It was not how I hoped it would go, so I already felt stupid. Come to find out...when DH got home she dragged him downstairs to see....She was cleaning SS's room OUT! She took posters and pictures down and boxed and bagged up a lot of his stuff and moved it into the game room.....She was surprisingly organized, which was impressive, but she didn't have permission!! Evidently she texted SS what she was doing, and he was texting DH to tell her to stop. I am just floored.....and feeling stupid not only because I cried, but now because she was up to no good when I said that to her....no wonder she just stood there looking at me while I was talking, she probably thought she was caught...ugghhhhh.
I am guessing if she were your child
You would let her have the room over some kid who has in essence moved out. There are discussions here constantly about how stepkids who are not in the house full time should not get the nicest room.
She was wrong to do it
She was wrong to do it against your wishes, but seems like the room should be hers. I’m the youngest but in my family, the next kid got the good bedroom when someone went off to college.
I find it funny that people
I find it funny that people can tell you how to grant rooms in the house.. LOL . Kids are soo entitled now..
I think SD was wrong to do
I think SD was wrong to do what she did, for sure, and for that, she should not get that room.
Just seems quite precious to not give her the bigger room just because poor SS has "too many changes in his life right now", when he's probably close to 19 years old. And then we wonder why kids never grow up nowadays.
At any rate this was DH's call, SD was wrong, and OP is not stupid. But I can't imagine my parents keeping me and my sister in a shared room because my other sister wanted her room left just the same when she went to college. THAT seems entitled to me, on SS's part.
That is an incorrect guess.
That is an incorrect guess. It is actually DH who is not ready to switch rooms between his biological kids. This is SS's first year an hour and a half away at school, he does come home from time to time, and DH didn't want to add to the changes by switching his room right away. We were going to revisit the room situation. SD knew all this. The point is that SD took it upon herself without anyone's permission to go through SS's things, bag them up, and remove them. I would feel that was a bold, disrespectful move regardless of who did it, biological or not. This has been SS's room since we moved in, both during the years he was here 50/50 and last year when he was here all the time
Put a lock on the door and
Put a lock on the door and ban her from entering. And put the POS SD in ignore mode.
You shouldn't feel stupid -
You shouldn't feel stupid - you're acting like a decent person and SD is acting like a brat. I hope her father makes her put everything back, bans her from the room and tells her she just added a year to her wait for that room.
I think your H is correct in not switching the rooms. There's no reason to rush a kid who is relatively close and comes for some weekends as well as holidays and summers out of his room.
The only room this teen would
The only room this teen would have in my home is the one she thought she was moving out of. No way would she get the larger (likely also more private) basement room.
I would have her put back 100% of everything right back exactly as it was.
The girl knows her brother will be home for a week this month and for another month shortly right after. Little brat. It's why she was hurrying up and sneakily doing the change now. Without anyone's knowledge or permission.Oh, except her brother who was being told from afar how clever and pleased with herself his sister was. Yeah, that call was probably full of nah nah, you aren't here to stop me.
And for what it's worth, matter matter to me if the situation here was bio kids, skids or one of each. My DH and I decide these types of decisions in my house, not the children.
So what happened when Dad got home?
Don't feel stupid. You were trying to reach out to her.... come on now, you still love her, even if she is being very frustratingly an obnoxious teenager.
I mainly feel stupid because
I mainly feel stupid because I cried when I was talking to her, I hate that I can't seem to have serious conversations without crying and it distracts from what I am trying to say. I dont know that it had any impact. But I also feel that way somewhat because I chose yesterday to try to say it....while she was tossing her brothers room. I was so anxious about what I was going to say that I didn't even notice, the room had already looked like a hurricane. DH was late getting home and had plans to meet a friend, so he just went downstairs for a minute while she was telling him it's not fair that her brother has that room because she is here more now, and she was doing her brother a favor by cleaning out his stuff because he is a hoarder (he is not, he just has stuff from over the years stored in his room because...where else would he keep it) DH just told her it wasn't happening. We talked about it this morning and he said my SS's stuff is going back in the room and she won't be allowed to use it anymore until we decide it's time to switch. She is not scheduled to be here for a few days, we will see if he sticks to that. Apparently she was snapchatting SS what she was doing and he was very upset that she was messing with his stuff. Yes i do love her and I am glad i told her that, I just wish it had gone differently and that i wasnt immediately shocked again by her level of self centeredness
Your tears and sentiment came
Your tears and sentiment came from your heart. That's all that matters.
It’s more that she is trying to control what
going on it your home, the one you are paying for. She has no right to move another child stuff out of his room, With out yours and DH permission to do so. It’s up to DH and you to decide, who get what room, not hers. She wants privacy, but invaded her brothers privacy .