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My brother in law passed away this weekend

Someoneelse's picture

Submitted by Someoneelse on Tue, 09/19/2023 - 1:31pm

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I'm so broken, him and my husband were best friends.  Now my sister is a widow with 4 children 2 under the age of 10 and there is a teen son and a son who is going to be married in 1 year. 

 

I'm so sad that he's gone, but most of my sorrows are for my sister and her children. 

 

Aside from all of this, while we were at the hospital, we called my daughter, who is in far away at college,  who was very best friends with their oldest. Then my husband decides that he forgot to call his daughter (who had only ever seen this family at Christmas, or a few moments here and there). So he called her, and since she was in the area, she came to the hospital for about 15min, she tried to SQUEEZE out tears, there may have been 1 tear.  Then decided to call my daughter who's devastated, who's crying so hard, having to wait until morning before she can drive down, because she's so hysterical that she can hardly see. She goes on about how she doesn't think she's phased by death, that everyone was sooooo glad that she came to the hospital.  (Nobody cared, it wasn't about her, it was about my sister and her family, that's all anyone was worried about). But the last thing my daughter wanted to hear was how sd tried to make this death somehow about herself. 

I understand why my husband felt the need to tell her, when she is not told about things in our family, she tries to tell DH that it's his fault that she doesn't feel like family... but i think that she's literally a sociopath and has no real feelings.

Someoneelse's picture

Submitted by Someoneelse on Tue, 09/19/2023 - 1:52pm

Thank you, i appreciate your condolences.  

I know i really only posted to vent, but i do appreciate your sympathies.

AlmostGone834's picture

Submitted by AlmostGone834 on Tue, 09/19/2023 - 3:34pm

So sorry for the loss of your BIL and the extra drama SD just had to bring into an already difficult time. Your poor sister and those kids. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Submitted by Rumplestiltskin on Tue, 09/19/2023 - 3:58pm

Damn. I'm so sorry for your loss. And people who use others' tragedies to get attention for themselves are the worst. I hope everyone who posts a selfie of themselves grinning next to someone on their deathbed gets haunted. 

shamds's picture

Submitted by shamds on Thu, 09/21/2023 - 4:25am

Husband demanding he come to his sons wedding in a weeks time right after my husband told him my mum had died and we had to wait for coroner to release body for burial.

I was overseas trying to sort out mums burial and My husband was in shock. Like tell me you don't give a shit by messaging me like this. he tried making it about him and his kids when we had far bigger more important things to deal with

CajunMom's picture

Submitted by CajunMom on Tue, 09/19/2023 - 7:07pm

What a great loss. As for your DH and his entitled SD, shame on both of them. MOre on him for calling someone who has zero need to be contacted. Please try to ignore and don't let this impact your grief and your celebration of life events for your BIL. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss and for the BS you have to deal with. 

ImperfectlyPerfect's picture

Submitted by ImperfectlyPerfect on Tue, 09/19/2023 - 8:18pm

Yeah focus on you, your sister and family- get that SD out of your thoughts- don't let your grief be distracted by anger towards her. Not worth it- the family needs to heal including you. Compartmentalize her - she's a succubus. 

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Wed, 09/20/2023 - 6:02am

I'm sorry for your family's loss.  

It must have been frustrating to have to deal with your SD at a time like that.. She sounds pretty self absorbed.. I'm sure the intent wasn't to ruin anything, but she lacks emotional maturity.  Death can make people act strange too.. I would try to focus on your family that needs your support.. I wouldn't be overly concerned about SD or give her much space in your head.. If she continues to insert herself into this in boorish ways.. quietly ask your DH to speak with her. 

SHE may not be phased by the passing of a man she barely knew.. but others ARE.. and are entitled to grieve without her thoughtless comments.

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Wed, 09/20/2023 - 6:10am

I am very sorry for your loss and I hope that you have the support around you that you need at a time like this.

"Not phased by death"? WTF?! How DARE she pronounce such tone-deaf, insensitive words in front of people who had just lost someone dear to them? Your poor sister is wondering how she can go on and a pig-ignorant, inconsiderate, unfeeling airhead is spouting crap like that? I am angry for you all at being subjected to such fatuous heartlessness.

Make sure your husband knows that he is NOT to invite her to the funeral. She's done enough harm already.

(((((HUGS)))))

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Submitted by Rumplestiltskin on Wed, 09/20/2023 - 7:24am

Ikr. Not phased by death because she doesn't give a rat's ass about the deceased or those closest to him. She may not have meant for it to sound that way, but it did. It may just be that she was never taught how to act respectful and just blurts out what's in her mind without thinking. DH should have never called her and told her to come. 

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Wed, 09/20/2023 - 10:48am

My condolences to you, your sister, and her children!

Sd has no empathy thats why death doesnt phase her.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Thu, 09/21/2023 - 8:01am

As for SD....  Another tick in the write her off column. of the balance sheet.

I do not understand why DH felt it necessary to tell her about YOUR BIL.  Particularly when SD makes no effort to connect with anyone in the family.  She uses it as a manipulation and guilt tool.

Don't give her any more leverage to use for guilt and manipulation.

When she goes into her blaming daddy for not feeling like family bullshit, point out to them both that she makes no effort and the family will no longer cater to her so she can make everything about her.

Facts and truth are uncomfortable. So, paint her with the facts she generates.  She learns to wear her own paint, or.... she changes her behaviors. Her call.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Give rose

 

grannyd's picture

Submitted by grannyd on Thu, 09/28/2023 - 2:52pm

Oh Hon!

Just reading your post this minute as I've been away from the site and 'forums' and am so sorry to read about your BIL's untimely death. His passing is more upsetting still, as young children have been left fatherless; I can only imagine the pain that your poor sister must be undergoing! 

Clearly, Someoneelse, your family is close and able to support your sister and her children during this devastating time. My own, loving relations were a tremendous comfort to me when I lost my brother some years ago.

Hon, your SD’s conduct is no surprise. She’s a true narcissist, incapable of deep emotions apart from selfishness and greed. The next time your husband encourages the girl to intrude on one of your family’s occurrences, good OR bad, I suggest that you give him a sharp smack upside the head.

Again, so sorry for your family’s loss and wish that this (((((HUG)))) was real!