SS15 lying, stealing, drugs
Hey everyone, need some advise; my SS15 who we have 50/50 ( along with SS17 & SD13) is constantly lying and sneaking around. He's skipping school to smoke pot with friends, watching porn, failing school, sneaking alcohol and other people's prescriptions, texting kids to come to our house when we're out of town, etc. Tonight we found out he stole money from DH while we weren't home. My question is, aside from changing the locks and hiding our possessions , what else can we do? Mentally he's recovering from abuse from BM's soon to be ex husband, so when we first found out a couple months back why he was acting out we were very gentle with him and told him he couldn't continue doing these things but now its nonstop. BM is no help, she disciplines him like you would a five-year-old, she believes his lies (The kid was smoking pot in her house for a year and a half and she really thought she had a skunk problem) and lets him have his freedom along with TV,laptop, video games etc. so it's hard to have any lasting discipline when we only have half the time. I have two kids of my own that live with us full time and didn't know if anyone else had experienced something like this or knows if another topic already addressed something similar. We catch him at something new every week; he just says sorry and does it again.
He's stealing, he's doing
He's stealing, he's doing drugs. Call the police.
Years ago my brother was caught stealing money from his older brother and skipping school to go on spending sprees. He was ten years old.
We called the police and he got interviewed as if it were a serious crime. Now, my brother is a retired naval officer with sons of his own who are growing into fine young men.
If kids don't learn the consequences of their actions from the home they can learn them from the law. Maybe he needs a wake up call over the sort of life that may be waiting for him if he doesn't buck up his ideas.
I don't believe the fact that
I don't believe the fact that someone is recovering from abuse, should negate the need for strong boundaries and discipline - in fact they are needed all the more in this case. I think you need professional support and advice to deal with this adolescent.
Yep.
Yep.
Part of the reason I am
Part of the reason I am divorcing my husband is his rotten parenting has resulted in rotten kids. I dont want the pot smoking, lying, skirt chasing, no education, free for all sex getting pregnant influence on my 12 year old son. Take the trashy behavior else if my husband wont address it. (He thinks I am too strict on this sort of thing.) Uhm NO!
I would strongly suggest you and your husband look at inpatient treatment for your SS at a psychiatric rehab facility that has a programme of at least 30 to 40 days. This child needs a drastic intervention and it doesnt sound like skunk problem Mom or your DH are actually capable of resolving this - this is not a criticism of you, it is an observation of the seriousness with which this needs to be addressed. This kid is on the road to prison in the best case of death in the worst case. Somewhere in between is a juvenile delinquent who is probably homeless.
I would not allow visitation of this child around my own children - so you need to look at if that is what you wish to do. Abandoning him at his mother's with no help is not a solution either. It is avoidance of the problem. Get him professional help. Please.
DH and I agree on the
DH and I agree on the seriousness of what's going on, we have tried to get help but it's a slow process, the first place canceled us because BM wouldn't pay her part of the bill, and the second place said that he's not making progress and BM would miss SS's appointments so DH is looking again for help, we will check out your suggestion, thank you
BM wouldnt pay her part of
:jawdrop: BM wouldnt pay her part of the bill for SS's treatment? What the ding ding is with that woman?? I really am sorry that you are dealing with this: it sounds frustrating, scarey, lonely and trying at the same time.
In patient treatment may be best as for that period it breaks the influence of his mother. Good grief she sounds precious!
My DH and on the ones who
My DH and on the ones who catch his behavior and discipline him, it's the BM that doesn't provide discipline or even believe there's a big problem. She was the one that ignored the abuse when we all tried to tell her, we moved from our new home so that we can battle this in court to get more custody to get the abuser out of her home. We are trying to find help for him, the original psychologist that we had canceled us because of BM not paying her part of the bills. The new one we brought him too told us he's unwilling to talk and is not making progress, and BM would miss his appointments.... DH does have consequences but can only implement them when he's at our house, DH is trying to find any help we can get for him... any suggestions are appreciated
I would recommend that you
I would recommend that you pay her portion of the bill to get his treatment which is a priority then take her to small claims court with proof of payment and proof you showed (sent via certified mail) the receipt in the time-frame allotted by the decree.
We did pay it, but the
We did pay it, but the counselor was fed up with BM and canceled us anyway... we are in the process of finding someone else
Call 911 and have this
Call 911 and have this criminal frog marched out of the house, or better yet out of his school, in hand cuffs by the Police.
Let the courts beat some clarity into his characterless skull. He has three years to gain clarity before it goes on his record so turn up the heat on him and let him feel since he apparently chooses not to learn.
He is 15 and knows damned good and well the difference between right and wrong... regardless of any abusive background that may be in play. His choices... he should live the accountability and consequences. Sure... get him some therapy but.... hold him accountable and if his behavior is criminal.... call the police.
IMHO of course.
Good luck.