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Self-entitled SS

Poppycleo's picture

OK, I’ve talked about this teen and his eating now it’s his attitude towards his father that is really getting to me.  At the moment he is with us for 6 weeks whilst his mother is overseas.  His 18yo brother is also staying because BM doesn’t  trust him to live with his SBs during that time and isn’t allowing either of them to be at her home without her or her husband there.  (SBs are in their 20s btw).

The youngest SS yesterday laid into his father that he doesn’t buy him any clothes but “Mum does, for which I’m really grateful for” and that the last 3 years of his life have been shit.  That his Dad hasn’t supported him in his school work ever, that his father thinks he is only good for labouring work. 

All of this is blatant bs.  His Dad spends far too much money on him in my opinion (I brought up 4 kids mostly by myself so I know what the cost is), has supported him in school work more than is warranted at his age of 15 nearly 16, and yes, he did say to him that if he carried on as he was he wouldn’t get the grades he needs to go onto university.

I had to leave the room or else I would have lost it.  What do others do when their partner is dealing with this behaviour? Do you enter the battleground or keep quiet and support your partner when alone?  

I cant talk to SS at the moment because everything he does irritates me so I keep away from him as much as possible.

One of his favourite sayings is that he’s a child so he needs to be looked after and doesn’t need to get an after school or school holiday job.  No I suppose not when Dad is there to give you money although it has been cut substantially in the last 6 months in an effort to get SS to take on responsibility. 

 

oneoffour's picture

Which was VERY difficult. But I sat back and let DH handle it. Honestly the kid is so snotty right now NOTHING you say will ring a bell. Nothing. He is a whiny brat right now and thinks he is too good for a job or is shit scared to get one. The BM here said her sons dodn't need summer jobs because they just needed time to be kids. At 17? Really? Then she freaked out when they got into trouble?

But I stayed out of it because a) I didn't need the stress and b) DH apprecated my support later when he would talk to me about it and I could reinforce he was doing the right thing. Also this kid is looking for a fight with DH so he can run back to his SBs and seek asylum with them. So DH doesn't give him what he is looking for. And you count down the days until BM is back!

StepUltimate's picture

 SS feels entitled to stay home from school and lay in bed playing xbox, in dirty sheets surrounded by an overflowing laundry basket & clutter. I'd been unplugging the wifi power cord but when I did that Friday morning, SS plugged the power cord back in while I was in the shower, and got back in bed to keep playing, which totally pissed me off! So early Saturday morning I removed the entire wifi box and texted lazy SS18 that wifi would become available again once his room is clean & all his laundry washed, folded, and put away. Then me & DH went to coffee, came back & SS was gone. Didn't come home until tonight, apparently he had BM pick him up. Sbe's the one who taught SS to be lazy and to live in filth, and her influnce in my home is unwelcome. Yet SS18 feels entitled to lounge around & be entertained while me & DH work? DH has repeatedly told SS to clean his room & do his laundry but SS stays in bed playing xbox, doesn't even try to make it to school on time... I am so offended. So the whole wifi box is gone. 

Sucks being a SM these days. DH all bummed at me & sad, like triangulated by SS into feeling sorry for him.

MoominMama's picture

I think you and your DH need to develop a hearing problem. In other words just ignore the rubbish that comes out of his BM infected and entitled mouth.

Your DH pays CS? I expect so. What does the brat think CS is for? I expect his BM has told him it's for her lol. He lives most of the time with BM? then his school work - if he means homework etc - is supported by BM as she is there most of the time. If he wants 'support' or advice then there is always a telephone or the chance to open his mouth and ask his father things. Not ask 'for' things but ask advice etc.

As he thinks he's 'a child and needs to be looked after' then that's fine if he wants it that way but he gets the basic allowance and that's it. You do nothing you get nothing. I think all of this is just a manipulative and guilt talk. 'my life is awful etc' - feel sorry for me and show it by giving me stuff.

Don't entertain an 18 year old, let him go find his friends, do sport or hang out shooting hoops or whatever. Same with younger one and just ignore his whining.

Open wine and just wait for it all to be over

Curious Georgetta's picture

Adult capable of managing his relationship with his son and stay out of thier interactions. Your husband will discuss it with your later If he wants to get your input. If he does not solicit input, he probably does not feel that he needs or wants it.

It does not matter how you chose to raise your 4 kifs. He has the right to manage his relationship as he  seems appropriate just as you did with your kids.

 

You are his partner not his parent.   Let him be the adult that he is.

Rags's picture

This kind of mindless venting emotional horse shit needs to be confronted with full frontal brute force application of the facts addressing each and every little bullshit point this idiot kid has made.  It may help him get past this current phase of the teen boy brain farts.

When the SpermClan was giving my SS a bunch of crap about how much they were spending on him in CS (A whopping $133/mo at the time) and how it was taking food out of the mouths of the three younger also out of wedlock SpermIdiot spawned half sibs by two other baby mamas my CPA wife went all spreadsheet on the topic.  She broke down the total costs of supporting SS and how the $133/mo made absolutely ZERO difference and how if that $133/mo was the difference in his SpermIdiot and the SpermGrandParents effectively supporting SS's three younger half sibs that they had better get off of their asses, get 2nd and 3rd jobs, and make better decisions rather than talking to SS about it.  The more SS was seasoned with the facts in an age appropriate manner the more he was able to immediately counter and mitigate the toxic toothless moron manipulations of the shallow and polluted half of his gene pool when he was on visitation and they pulled their usual crap.

It works... dust the cobwebs off of your student version of excel and go to war.

I would.  Diablo

 

MoominMama's picture

BM here paid a paltry amount of CS for skid. $55 per month. She was earning enough to be paying at least double that but DH had been stupid enough to agree to this so the courts let it go. There was nothing about any extras in the CO.

One year the scouts camp was quite expensive as they were going to switzerland and DH asked BM to chip in and of course the answer to that was ' how dare you ask me for money, I pay you cs, that's what it's for!!'  NO, cs of that paltry amount didn't even cover the food, clothes, shoes etc let alone the school fees or any holidays or extras. She is mean as hell, only willing to pay out on herself. She never once bought a coat or a pair of shoes for them. She expected to use the stuff that DH had bought and once brought the subject up asking why they were not bringing a suitcase of clothes with them when they went to her. DH said 'read the CO. It says each parent will provide for the child's needs when the child is with them'  and of course he got the 'that's what I pay cs for!!' again. She spent more on cigarettes a month than she paid in CS.

Tina22's picture

It's awful to live that way. Why do these dads enable these young men this way? I am believing its guilt when they aren't with them fully. I have experienced this entitlement with my SS this summer. LAZY as can be. 17/never in his life did a load of laundry! My kids have been since 9 years old! Ss wants to live with his dad,so his dad moved out. Ss ruined our relationship and my BF has allowed this because he thinks its OK for his baby to move back to take a break( he's tired from playing video games,eating and masturbating all day) so he shall do nothing for a few years. What a mess!