SD17 moving back to BM's
SD17 is a little over 6 weeks pregnant. We've been talking to her about what she's going to do, finishing high school, getting a job, etc. She wanted to move in with Baby Daddy this summer, and DH said no, not until she's 18.
Well BM just told SD that both she AND Baby Daddy can move in with her! Which apparently they're going to do, this weekend. I am just... heartbroken, really. SD17 had such a promising future, and she is screwing it all to hell with the decisions she's making right now. Worse, she's going to be affecting that baby's future by moving back to BM's. (BM lives in an area of high poverty, low graduation rates, high teen pregnancy rates. We don't. BM was a teen mom, SD20 was a teen mom, and now SD17. That baby has no chance if she stays in that environment.)
I don't understand BM at all. Doesn't she want what's best for SD17?!? How on earth can she possibly think that this is in her best interests?!?!?
Because she is "saving" SD
Because she is "saving" SD from you and your DH holding her accountable for choices. She gets to be the one who helped her out and let baby daddy move in and have a family. To make you and DH look less supportive.
It's a manipulation trick that unstable BM's pull. My Skids BM does the same thing...over and over...and I am seeing the effects in my SS, who coincidentally is having major behavioral and emotional issues at the moment.
Nothing you can do. Sad
Nothing you can do. Sad thing is she could put the kid up for adoption to a loving couple and go to college and everyone gets a good life. Instead, she will be on the govt dole and never move up in life this way. BM and the other SD is all she knows.
DH has a relationship with SD18 that is once in awhile for dinner. He knows that is all he can have until she makes better choices. Sad, but it is easier for him. You need to do the same thing. Let he live her life and you live yours and maybe someday she will make better choices.
The only PLUS in all of this,
The only PLUS in all of this, considering BM's situation, SD would qualify for medicaid and other benefits, so at least there is a pretty good chance she will get some prenatal care. But like someone else said, be ready for BM to file for child support!
Also consider, BM could be looking at this as a meal ticket! SD is preggers...move her and her boyfriend in and start collecting child support after putting the blame on you and DH for all of this...may even go so far as telling the courts you two were not supportive of her...AND get SD collecting food stamps and WIC. BM may even be able to increase her own benefits on the basis she has a preggers child! It is a sad game, but trust me, I've seen the type! I had BD23 when I was a senior in high school. The city I was in had us in a special campus due to the gang violence...district didn't want to be held liable if something happened to a pregnant student. There were 16-year-old girls there on their second child! Back home, mom who was had all of her kids really young, and an older sister or two with their kids. Seems the moms were encouraging their young daughters to have babies to help bring more benefits into the house!
im really sorry
im really sorry ally....hangingbyathread hit the nail on the head.
the one who really loses at the end of the day is that sweet innocent baby.
Why do you care? Not your
Why do you care? Not your kid, not your problem.
because it will become her
because it will become her problem when the kid drains her husband's bank account.
what you allow will continue.
what you allow will continue. If DH allows this 17 year old to drain his bank account, then she will. If he doesn't, she won't. Parenting is pretty simple.
might not be his choice. the
might not be his choice. the courts could order increased CS and he will have little to no say.
How can the courts make you
How can the courts make you pay child support for a kid who is having a baby, i thought a baby would immediately stop child support?
Having a baby does not stop
Having a baby does not stop child support.
some agreements are silent on
some agreements are silent on the matter.
ours mercifully has wording that protects my fiance in the event his kid gets pregnant.
Because being under 18 and
Because being under 18 and pregnant doesn't automatically equal emancipation! Now, if the girl marries the boyfriend...that is a different case...but if BM knows her stuff, she will make sure they don't get married just to keep the extra money coming in.
God, the CS.... I'm having
God, the CS.... I'm having nightmares! In my state, being pregnant does NOT equal emancipation. DH would still be on the hook. Maybe. Because there's something in there about not being eligible for CS if she lives with Baby Daddy. (Unfortunately, I think the law means "lives with Baby Daddy and not either of her parents".) If it comes to that, we'd need a lawyer.
However, for the moment, BM has told DH that she won't ask for CS (she wasn't paying us any while SD lived with us) as long as Baby Daddy "pays half the rent" at her place. So for now anyway, she's content with draining Baby Daddy dry and leaving DH alone. For now. I told DH that if she does try to file for CS, he should immediately enforce the existing custody order, which give him primary physical custody. She can fight it in court, and by the time it's over SD would be 18 anyway. We'll see how that plays out though.
What a nightmare! Let's hope
What a nightmare! Let's hope that BM plays super nice-nice with the baby daddy and he doesn't beat feet because he doesn't like being bossed around by BM! You know how some of those situations end up...at least play nice until SD turns 18.