New to the forum
Hello.... I am new to the forum here but not new to having Step kids. My wife and I have been together for eleven years and married for six. she has two kids, boy (16) and girl (13). For the most part we do all get along and from what forums I have read do consider myself pretty lucky to not have the problems some face with step kids. However, I di have issues that are pretty serious to me.
I am the outsider. I work full time and my wife works a few days a week, Twelve hour shifts. The BD does take the kids when we work but goes off and does his own thing and leaves them there with there step mom.
I have had issues with my dw regarding how the kids treat her and talk to her, disrespectfully, and in my opinion, NO ONE talks to me wife in those tones or disrespects her. So, I used to handle it and it would stop, or until I left the house. I now see that she allows it to happen but wants to moan about it to our friends, what friends we have left.
She asks me what my thoughts are on things and then turns around and does the complete opposite when it comes to the kids, and their BD wants me to handle the discipline when they get into trouble. (whats that all about?)
The kids don't do their chores and still get there allowance, they continue t do what they are not allowed to do right in front of their mom and lie to her. It kills me to see this and my dw is putting up with it. When I ground them or get at them she defends them.
What to do? I have taken a step backwards, took myself out of the equation and allow her to raise her kids. When she asks me what to do or what my thoughts are, I merely ask, "what have you come up with" and hesitantly agree, ass it wouldn't do any good to say other wise.
I love my wife more than life itself but will not allow myself to get upset any more over this.
I have become more of a friend to the boy (some what) or just there and with the SD, well, it's very superficial and pointless.
I would like t hear any thoughts on this.
It's funny you mention
It's funny you mention "Disney Parent" Lol.... I am truly a Disney wienie. I have learned that if I want a vacation fund I have to hide money to save up for us to go. After rereading my original post, I failed to mention that the BD does punish his kids but the next day laxes up and think they have learned their lesson.
I have backed off ALOT in my parenting, or better put, step parenting. More or less I'm just there breathing their air.
I have found myself having to hide things of mine like my brush, socks, ipod and ear buds, cologne, deodorant, and snacks I want around the house so they don't get into it. Sounds real selfish but hey, they never ask first and two, the SD takes two showers a week and uses my brush on her nasty oily hair. Lol
I guess I have removed myself from the family unit. I feel however I had no other choice in the matter.
Nothing is going to change
Nothing is going to change this unless and until ALL parents (BP's AND SP's) form a united front. Everyone MUST be on the same page and that means consequences to actions and following through..... every single time! As soon as the kids learn that they can divide and conquer, all is lost. Perhaps a sit down with all P's is in order and a new contract hammered out. You'll have to work at keeping each other honest, lol.
As a COD myself, this is what MY parents did and it worked wonderfully. Of course I am old school and am constantly struggling with this new trend in parenting. :?
Thank you both for your
Thank you both for your replies. This does help me a little. We have met with the BD and in face he is all agreeable until he leaves. Whatever.
I used to believe that once you marry the bm you marry the skids too, I wanna divorce those and keep the wife. Lol
We went to the beach house a few weeks ago and up until then I did not talk to my sd at all. Did not even acknowledge her presence in the room. One day she decided to challenge me while coming up stairs and got in my way on purpose. Down she went and my reply to her was, "didn't even know you were there" now she moves. To be the "bigger" person I started a conversation with her about whats been going on. She didn't seem to give a damb and so now I know where we stand. So..... there ya have it.
Another case is where my ss16 got into his moms face and cussed her out. I was on him like stink on poop and begged him to talk to me that way. the wife got upset with me and I laid it down firm and made it clear that no one talks to my wife that way and if she chose to be treated like that by him, she was free to leave. I did not apologize to him or her and now she understands that if he is going to challenge the alpha female in my house, he better make it a good one because the alpha male is going to have his day.
Sounds so primitive huh?