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My stepdaughter hates me

Cjpatterson's picture

She is 17 and completely disrespectful and hateful to me. This has been going since her dad and i got together.  Ive tried my hardest to be nice to her, but i cannot win with her.  Now im finding out shes been talking to and hanging out with her dads ex wife, which is a total slap in the face.  I have always been told how bad she treated her and how much she hated her.  This ex has caused a lot of problems in my relationship with her dad. Saying hes cheated on me with her and all kinds of things, she just will not go away.  And now that his daughter is hanging out with her i feel like its going to get worse.  Shes already told his daughter that i had a miscarriage a few months ago, which we were not going to tell the kids about.  Ive bent over backwards for this girl and she hates me for no reason.  She sent me messagestoday saying all kunds of crappy things to me.  Im tired of bending over backwards to be nice to her when it obviously doesn't matter.  I just feel lost.

susanm's picture

Teenage girls are horrible like it is their JOB.  Not just to stepmothers but to their biomothers as well.  We just get an extra helping of hormone crazy.  Stop doing anything for her.  No rides, no laundry, no money, no nothing.  And copy her father on the nasty messages.  You are older and smarter and have already been through hormone hell,  Don't let her "mean girl" you.

My question is why his ex knows anything about you.  I am very sorry about your miscarriage.  But why on earth does she know about it?  She sounds like a real problem.  His daughter you are stuck with, although you can disengage, but his ex you do not have to deal with at all!  I would put a stop to her having any info about you immediately.

Cjpatterson's picture

Thats exactly what it feels like...shes the mean girl. His ex knows about the miscarriage because she called me one morning teying to start problems and I ended up telling her.  Believe me she wont hear anything else from me.  Im just done teying with his daughter,  ive been nothing but nice and she treats me like crap.  Her dad and i have had a lot of problems with his ex the last few months, shes telling me hes been cheating on me with her and i honestly cant take much more.  I feel like shes using his daughter to find a way back in.

Rags's picture

Block her, ban her from your home and let her rot in her vitriolic crap.

Buh-bye toxic prior relationship crotch nugget!

ESMOD's picture

Why does the EX wife know about your medical issues?  Someone is sharing too much information.

She is at a crap age.. in a crap situation.. with a dad who has had at least 3 significant relationships in her life time (mom, EXW and now you).. she doesn't see his relationships as permanent.. and is going to resent any "mothering" you would try to do.  Act as if you are just room mates in the same home.  civil interraction is all you need to do.. let her dad take care of her. 

nsweetr's picture

My situation exactly ! Fiance 17 yrd daughter shoved me and called me a b**** and he did NOTHING!! Absolutley rediculous. He actually had me and my 8 year old son pack our stuff and leave. So I did...... havnt talked to him since. !!! The behavior should be corrected at the moment it happens. Children do not cause havoc or should come between two adults that are in a relationship together. 

amyburemt's picture

on dealing with this craziness. I too had a sd who was a completely mean horrible person. My dh refused to see it, still refuses to. She was taught at an early age to be a master manipulator by her crazy bm and my dh didn't see that either. Fast forward to this year , sd moved in with bm and now all the lies are coming out. she's in trouble. I told dh to let her dig herself out or let bm figure it out since shes half the problem. My advice to you is to never tell sd anything personal that you don't want going straight back to bm and to also completely eliminate bm as much as you can from your own life. block on social media, block on cell phone, block on email. there is no reason you should have to deal with her, leave that up to bm. As for the sd, disengage. I wish I had done it a long time ago. Eventaully all the hate coming from her will rear it's head in front of your dh. Sometimes I think these men are blind. Im not even sure if my dh STILL sees it as a problem. If it's happening in front of dh you need to start holding him accountable for not taking any action. I feel for you, it's a sucky position to be in and unfortunately the dh's usually choose to ignore the behavior. 

Thumper's picture

As a bio mom who's exhusband remarried, MY rule is 'kids you BETTER be nice, thoughful and respectful to new-wife".

Behavior that you discribed is because her BIO mom gave her daughter permission to treat you the way BM wishes she could treat you. Read that again....

You dh should not put his daughter behavior behind a vail.  He should expect his daughter to be polite to you.  She doesnt have to like you but for God's sake she should be polite.

Do not be anyones doormat...not even hers.

Always be cordial. No one can take good manners away from you. 

 

 

lmrnmr's picture

That statement makes sense.  I'm a biomom who's ex remarried and I did the same with my son.  Any bad feelings I had towards him or his new wife I vented to my girlfriends or therapist, NOT my kid!

Frustrated4ever's picture

17 and has hated me since the first day I met her.  Her psycho BM has crafted her own minion.  Every single time I think we can get along, she sh**s in my lap.  Lies to my face, even when she;s caught (this week I gave her a credit card to buy a belt, and I checked my CC activity -she spent $1900.......) then gave the crocodile tears to her dad she had no idea how much anything was.  Because apparently she is that immature. Anyway, happily looked in her room today to see her closet cleaned out.   Doubt she will be returning anytime soon.  Breaks my heart that she treats her awesome dad the same way.  These girls don't even realize how good they have it.  If I was .1% as crazy as her mom, she would see what it really is like to deal with the stepmother from Cinderella.

oatsnhoney's picture

Block BM from all your devices. There’s no reason for her to be able to message you. He should only communicate to  via email. Texts are too instant and disruptive. Even if she texts, only follow up Gus email. And only skid related issues they absolutely must discuss. Lawyer tone, no emotion. All other topics get no response.